Parents making bad choices.....

[Anita in NC]

The other thread got me thinking, what about parents that make bad choices?

 

My MIL hasn't necessarily made good choices, both parenting and financially. She continues to baby my husband's unemployed 36 year old brother. She also spends her very limited social security income on him.

 

She continues to ask us the most insane things. Last year she wanted us to take a mortgage out for a B&B so that the unemployed brother could manage it and have job. Then she wanted us to lend her the money for a franchise. Next we were asked to pay for a house keeper because she is to elderly to clean her own house (the unemployed brother lived in her rental next door at the time).

 

We did give her a $1000. However, she also let it slip that she spent a lot of money of DJ equipment for the brother so that he could start his own business but that went no where.

 

Two days before Christmas she wanted us to drive the 800 miles to come and visit and then pitched a fit when we said no.

 

Last night she called and wanted us to buy her house and rental property because she can't afford it any more and can't sell it and after all we are the only ones in the family that would qualify for a mortgage. Also, could we help the unemployed brother out because he moved out of her rental so she could rent it out (I presume to someone that actually pays rent but she can't find anyone to rent it) and the brother has to move out of his girl friend's house but can't find any where to rent that will let him have his SEVEN dogs.

 

I just want to scream, "He's 36 years old, let him deal with his own life."

 

The unemployed brother has never called us in 22 years and it is always MIL asking us to help him.

 

I've given up talking to her. Poor DH was so stressed after speaking with her and looked physically unwell and said he felt like he was going to have a stroke. I hate that she calls only when she wants something and stresses out my husband.

 

How much responsibility should grown children have for their parents?

[elfgivas]

sounds like its past time to have the "i love you mom. i am not in a position to financially support my brother, so please don't ask again. it just makes us both feel bad. how about those Leafs?"

 

sigh.... what a hard and dreadful thing.

only you can decide how much you are willing/able to help and whether it would really be helping or whether it would be enabling.

 

its pretty hard to be responsible for an adult who is able, but not prepared, to be responsible for themselves.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

:grouphug:

 

ann

[Peela]

Obviously thats unhealthy.

But you cant control other people, so it doesnt relaly matter what you think, or I think. I would take the focus off her and limit contact, and just focus on taking the best care you can of your own family.

[mamakven]

yep, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! aren't they a pain in the butt?? but they WILL enable you to live a reasonable life. Just because you made better choices doesn't make you responsible for someone else's bad choices, especially people that are older and that SHOULD be wiser!

[Penny_P]

Now this is an interesting topic. I have been in a similar situation with my own mother. Last year she quit a job, because she was concerned that she would be fired. This meant of course no un-employment. After spending the rest of her little bit of retirement after a year of constantly being on facebook, and what appeared to be not looking too hard for a job, she moved in with my brother. My dh absolutely refused to let her live here, even though we have the space. She drives both of us crazy and I knew once she was in it would be nearly impossible to get her out. I have felt extremely guilty about it, but relieved that dh refused so I could blame it on him. Well, after 8 months at my brother's, she finally got a job and is now out. My db's wife refuses to talk to her anymore, and their marriage was extremely strained the entire time. She really is that annoying.