Trying to start implementing SWB logic writing--need help evaluating

[HollyBee]

I gave dd12 (6th grade) her first writing assignment based on SWB's logic stage writing. I need help evaluating what she produced. :tongue_smilie:

 

Literature: Eagle of the Ninth

I told her to answer these three questions:

1) Who is the main character?

2) What does the main char. want?

3) What/who keeps main char. from getting it?

 

Here's her paragraph:

 

Marcus Flavius Aquilla was a centurion in the Roman army. Those days are over. Now, with an injury in his leg that will pain him for life, he sets off with his companion, Esca, a former slave, into the wild country on a quest that might end in death. He will stop at nothing to bring the eagle of the ninth league back to Rome and restore his family's honor. When he finally finds the eagle, however, it's in the hands of a foreign tribe, who will also stop at almost nothing to get it back. Pursued by angry tribesmen and held up by his leg, he and Esca run into many obstacles and narrow escapes, but against all odds they make it home.

 

I fixed her spelling errors (which were many, but that's another thread).

 

It seems a bit wordy to me, but she's a prolific creative writer and tends to embellish everything. Maybe I'm overly critical.

 

Thoughts? I'm trying to figure out if we're on the right track here.

 

Thanks SO much!

[LauraQ]

First, do you have a grading rubrics for written assignments? You might want to make one of your own that will help you be more objective in your grading. It will also help you weight certain aspects of her writing. For instance, you could have a Grammar score that could count for 1-3 points, and it could either include Spelling or that could be an additional 1-3 pt score if that is an area she especially needs to work on. You could also give another score for Eloquence (seems as though this one scores a 3/3!), Research (independent work vs needs lots of help), Insight or On-topic (did she answer the questions asked, or did she get off track and never get back to it), Layout (especially if there is a requirement for a special report, graphs/charts, illustrations, visuals, etc.), or anything else you want to focus on. Make a little block for each one, then write what is required to get a 1, 2, or 3 on each grading block. Then, distribute grades based on points. IOW if there are 5 aspects worth 1-3 points each, then earning 15 points is 100%, 14 pts 97%, 10 is an "average" grade such as a C, etc. down to 5 pts worth 65 or 70 or whatever your "fail" point is. You can even give a copy to your daughter before she writes so she'll know what you're looking for beyond just the essay prompt questions.

 

Here's her paragraph:

 

Marcus Flavius Aquilla was a centurion in the Roman army. Those days are over. Now, with an injury in his leg that will pain him for life, he sets off with his companion, Esca, a former slave, into the wild country on a quest that might end in death. He will stop at nothing to bring the eagle of the ninth league back to Rome and restore his family's honor. When he finally finds the eagle, however, it's in the hands of a foreign tribe, who will also stop at almost nothing to get it back. Pursued by angry tribesmen and held up by his leg, he and Esca run into many obstacles and narrow escapes, but against all odds they make it home.

 

[snip]

 

It seems a bit wordy to me, but she's a prolific creative writer and tends to embellish everything. Maybe I'm overly critical.

I didn't find it at all too wordy. In fact, I think it's great that she is able to get excited enough about a simple one-paragraph writing assignment that *some* would find dull that she puts in the effort to embellish it enough to make it a pleasure to read. I don't think it's full of unnecessary embellishments (fluff and filler) so I wouldn't count off--I would give credit for her going above & beyond.

[Capt_Uhura]

I don't answer these posts b/c I don't feel qualified but I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading what she wrote!!!! I really enjoyed reading it!

 

LauraQ - Your post is exactly what I've been looking for!!!!

[Colleen in NS]

I gave dd12 (6th grade) her first writing assignment based on SWB's logic stage writing. I need help evaluating what she produced. :tongue_smilie:

 

Literature: Eagle of the Ninth

I told her to answer these three questions:

1) Who is the main character?

2) What does the main char. want?

3) What/who keeps main char. from getting it?

 

Here's her paragraph:

 

Marcus Flavius Aquilla was a centurion in the Roman army. Those days are over. Now, with an injury in his leg that will pain him for life, he sets off with his companion, Esca, a former slave, into the wild country on a quest that might end in death. He will stop at nothing to bring the eagle of the ninth league back to Rome and restore his family's honor. When he finally finds the eagle, however, it's in the hands of a foreign tribe, who will also stop at almost nothing to get it back. Pursued by angry tribesmen and held up by his leg, he and Esca run into many obstacles and narrow escapes, but against all odds they make it home.

 

I fixed her spelling errors (which were many, but that's another thread).

 

It seems a bit wordy to me, but she's a prolific creative writer and tends to embellish everything. Maybe I'm overly critical.

 

Thoughts? I'm trying to figure out if we're on the right track here.

 

Thanks SO much!

 

What was your goal? If your goal was to get her to write a narration that answers some of the lit. eval. questions, I think you have succeeded. And I liked reading her narration - it narrates the basic storyline; using interesting verbs/adjectives/nouns, which make it more exciting.

[nd293]

I didn't find it at all too wordy. In fact, I think it's great that she is able to get excited enough about a simple one-paragraph writing assignment that *some* would find dull that she puts in the effort to embellish it enough to make it a pleasure to read. I don't think it's full of unnecessary embellishments (fluff and filler) so I wouldn't count off--I would give credit for her going above & beyond.

 

I agree. I would count this as a very competent book review summary, with the exception of the second sentence, which does sound a little "fluffy" to me in the overall context. I find the tone reminicent of one of the editorial review on Amazon.

 

Here's the product description from Amazon, just for reference:

 

The Ninth Legion marched into the mists of Northern Britain—and they were never seen again. Four thousand men disappeared and their eagle standard was lost. It’s a mystery that’s never been solved, until now . . .

 

Marcus has to find out what happened to his father, who led the legion. So he sets out into the unknown, on a quest so dangerous that nobody expects him to return.

 

 

[HollyBee]

Thanks to everyone for your comments. I am actually not sure what I'm looking for--hence the questioning on my part. I need to set down my requirements, as LauraQ pointed out (thanks!).

 

I do think she answered the questions that I gave her (with the goal being a first stab at lit. analysis). I guess I was thinking I'd get a paragraph that was a little more drab--which is what my ds would produce. She's amazing in that she can make almost anything seem more interesting than it really is. :)

 

I'm still getting the hang of this teaching and evaluating thing (this is only our 2nd full year). It's got to be the most difficult thing I've ever done!

[Sevilla]

I loved Eagle of the 9th! Ok, first of all - is this supposed to be a 3 point paragraph? What format is she working from and do you have a rubric for grading it (such as a '6 traits writing assessment')? Was she required to include any additional dress-ups (strong verb, quality adjective, prepositional sentence opener, simile/metaphor, etc...)?

 

Literature: Eagle of the Ninth

I told her to answer these three questions:

1) Who is the main character?

2) What does the main char. want?

3) What/who keeps main char. from getting it?

Is there a reason that you're asking for a 1 paragraph vs. a 3-5 paragraph? In 6th grade I'd expect more than 1 paragraph. Also, I am wondering about the questions - are you wanting her to write about the character and his qualities, or about the plot, or both? It makes it easier to organize a paragraph when the requirements lend themselves to one overarching essay theme (with subpoints).

 

Marcus Flavius Aquilla was a centurion in the Roman army. Those days are over. [should combine together into a compound sentence] Now, with an injury in his leg that will pain him for life, he sets off with his companion, Esca, a former slave, into the wild country on a quest that might end in death. He will stop at nothing to bring the eagle of the ninth league back to Rome and restore his family's honor. When he finally finds the eagle, however, it's in the hands of a foreign tribe, who will also stop at almost nothing to get it back. Pursued by angry tribesmen and held up by his leg, he and Esca run into many obstacles and narrow escapes, but against all odds they make it home.

What would she consider her topic sentence? I am not seeing a strong one (or a strong conclusion). Rather, she answers the questions sequentially and strings them together in a paragraph. Her sentence structure seems pretty solid though - good variety of sentence types too.

 

What I would ask is this - has she learned how to use different writing styles? Expository/Narrative/Descriptive/Persuasive? The organization for an expository essay (which it seems like you were going for here) is different than for a Narrative essay (which it seems she is more skilled at - her paragraph above veers into Narrative more than anything).

 

Let me know your thoughts :).

[mcconnellboys]

I enjoyed her response and as an aside, you do know that the movie is coming out in February? It looks like they've changed the dynamic between Marcus and Esca, so that will be interesting to see....

[Capt_Uhura]

I thought SWB's beginning lit analysis for logic stage was a narrative paragraph? She gave a list of questions for the parent to choose from to have the DC answer. I must add SWB's Lit Analysis MP3 to my list of re-listen to for this week.....never enough time in the day.....

[HollyBee]

I thought SWB's beginning lit analysis for logic stage was a narrative paragraph? She gave a list of questions for the parent to choose from to have the DC answer. I must add SWB's Lit Analysis MP3 to my list of re-listen to for this week.....never enough time in the day.....

 

Yes, this is what I was attempting to have her do. I'm also going to re-listen to the mp3.

[Colleen in NS]

I do think she answered the questions that I gave her (with the goal being a first stab at lit. analysis).

 

:iagree:

 

I thought SWB's beginning lit analysis for logic stage was a narrative paragraph?

 

:iagree: I don't think beginning lit. analysis in middle grades, according to SWB's lectures, was meant to be anything more.

 

Yes, this is what I was attempting to have her do.

 

I think you succeeded. And I think it will get easier the further along you go.

[Stacy in NJ]

I think she is on the right track. She answed all of your questions but did so in a creative manner. She's added a bit of her own personality or flair to what could otherwise be a pretty boring assignment.

 

I wouldn't worry about whether or not she's included a topic sentence or other formula elements right now.

 

I liked it.

[Jen+4dc]

I think she is on the right track. She answed all of your questions but did so in a creative manner. She's added a bit of her own personality or flair to what could otherwise be a pretty boring assignment.

 

I wouldn't worry about whether or not she's included a topic sentence or other formula elements right now.

 

I liked it.

:iagree:

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think the third and last sentences move into being run-ons. As written, the last sentence should have a semi-colon between escapes and but. I would probably capitalize Ninth Legion as a proper noun (capitalization is a huge problem for my son, so I tend to key in on that).

 

The only other thing that I might ask my kids if they wrote this is if there were a topic sentence and if the other sentences supported that topic sentence. (On the other hand, as a narrative, it does carry me from his time as a centurian to his quest north of the wall.)

 

Having said that, it seems like a nicely written paragraph.

Edited January 21, 2011 by Sebastian (a lady)