A ? about a social situation....

[Mommamia]

I am what you call an extroverted introvert. I can be very outgoing, but it is sort of forced. If I am with 1 or more people and there is silence in the conversation I feel it is my job to fill the silence. It's exhausting.

 

For example: Today I went to the first day of a homeschool activity. A few of the moms went into another room while the kids were in class. I met 2 moms and we began to chat. I felt like I was the only one asking questions. If I didn't ask a question we would sit around staring at each other. It seriously started to exhaust me. The 2 women seemed very nice and I felt comfortable with them. How do I break this habit of "filling the air"?

 

What do you do when you are with a few other adults and nobody is speaking? What do you do when you are the only one asking questions?

 

Hmmm, maybe I asked too many question? But, if I didn't there would be strange silence.:tongue_smilie: I used to know how to be social, I'm not so sure anymore.:glare:

[nd293]

I think I am the same. I find I work to keep conversations going because I imagine that the other person struggles like me in social situations. I hate meeting new people, so I assume other people are uncomfortable too, and try find ways to connect. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, unless people are leaving the room to avoid the conversation! But if it worries you, maybe take a magazine to flip through? Or take a pile of magazines along and you can all sit in comfortable silence!

[Sophia]

So you want to know how to stop yourself from asking questions?

Just stop :tongue_smilie:

 

Maybe it would help to know no one is expecting you to be a facilitator.

 

If the other ladies aren't initiating conversation, it's probably because they have their mind on other things. If it was me, my mind would be racing, and I probably wouldn't even realize you were trying to fill silence.

[IsabelC]

Maybe work out some kind of routine you can do that isn't too obvious?

Like ask a few questions, and when the conversation peters out, count 5 breaths before you say anything else.

[MeaganS]

If I'm going to be in a situation like that, I sometimes like to bring a hand craft, like cross-stitching or knitting. That way I can talk and be sociable if I want, but if it starts getting awkward, I can have something else to focus on without being too rude.

[Peela]

Perhaps just hold back a few more seconds. Quite often when there is a lull in the conversation it allows people time to gather their thoughts before launching into the next conversation. Trying to keep the conversation going can keep it kind of superficial. and forced- and yes, exhausting. If you are genuinely interested, ask questions. If you are just trying to make conversation, if you back off a little it allows other people to jump into that empty space and takes the burden off you.