Dealing With HS Group Mothers

[kalphs]

So true.:D

 

I also like to babble on about weird stuff like how my husband helped me color my hair last Saturday and we just thought it was so much fun and the seven year old watched the whole time cuz he is the funniest little kid like that, etc. (Real story here.):D

Love it!:001_smile:

[kalphs]

Der. :lol:

 

You talk about books! Or your medieval re-enactment hobby. Or the seaweed you're cooking for dinner. Avoid small talk and you should be fine :D

 

Rosie

Hmmm...maybe I should speak to them in Tolkien's Elvish language.

[Trish]

Our family belonged to a local hsing group for four years which met at our church.

However because of biting/bickering/backstabbing amongst the members aka mothers we decided to leave the group.

Unfortunately we are not able to get away from them completely, because they "use" our churches Wednesday night children's ministry for their babysitter so they can have "me time."

These women are totally self absorbed individuals with the "entitlement/world revolves around me mentality."

I dread seeing these women in our church halls and having to speak with them because they are completely self centered and have a snooty attitude. Think of Veruca Salt from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" as an adult to gain a clearer picture.

So in light of what I have just typed how would you deal with these women if you were approached by them?

 

How exactly can you tell which kids are there for noble reasons, and which kids are only there because the moms want "me time?" Do they do a lot of approaching? For me, "Hi, how are you?" would work, and leave it at that.

[kalphs]

How exactly can you tell which kids are there for noble reasons, and which kids are only there because the moms want "me time?" Do they do a lot of approaching? For me, "Hi, how are you?" would work, and leave it at that.

Good point Trish.

The children's behavior is usually an indicator/give away of the reason they are there for the evening.

On the flip side the mother's behavior is usually an indicator/give away for why they are letting their child attend.

Unfortunately the mothers do a lot of approaching. Why I have no idea.

The other night Dh said a polite "Hello" and left it at that.

Gave them something new to gossip about, because I could read their lips from the other side of the room while we waited for Dd to be dismissed from her small group. ;)

Edited December 10, 2010 by kalphs

[FaithManor]

Cook some Mountain Oysters and possum stew, take it with you to church, and announce that "The Lord has lead me to provide you with a home cooked meal every evening in which you choose to sit here and talk instead of attending a class." They'll stop using the church for babysitting, but just in case they are crazy enough to do it again, follow this up with roasted cow tongue and mustard sauce. I guarantee you that two weeks will cure them!

 

Faith

[kalphs]

Cook some Mountain Oysters and possum stew, take it with you to church, and announce that "The Lord has lead me to provide you with a home cooked meal every evening in which you choose to sit here and talk instead of attending a class." They'll stop using the church for babysitting, but just in case they are crazy enough to do it again, follow this up with roasted cow tongue and mustard sauce. I guarantee you that two weeks will cure them!

 

Faith

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

The Lord has led me to cook you up some sweetbreads (aka pig brains)!

Edited December 10, 2010 by kalphs

[Susan in KY]

Avoid small talk and you should be fine :D

 

Rosie

 

:lol::lol: So. Funny!

[Miss Sherry]

How exactly can you tell which kids are there for noble reasons, and which kids are only there because the moms want "me time?" Do they do a lot of approaching? For me, "Hi, how are you?" would work, and leave it at that.

Moms bringing their children to a church function for "me" time ? How do you come to that conclusion ? If I wanted some "me" time the last thing I would want to do is get children ready to haul back and forth to a church function. The time it would take to drive them two ways would pretty much mean that the evening was already shot for "me" time anyway.

If these woman are that desperate that they are going to these lengths for literally a few minutes of "me" time than maybe what they really need from the OP is prayer. After all, this is "her" church they are bring the children too, right ?

Maybe the best thing you can do for these woman is pray for them. Also, it may be surprising to see the results if even just one person spoke up if they start to gossip as a group and say "I don't feel comfortable speaking ill of ******" and then say something kind about the person someone was about to gossip about or change the subject.

I'm wondering what kind of background these women come from. Perhaps they have not had modeled to them grace and kindness. If they did not see this modeled in their own homes while growing up, and if they are shunned rather than mentored by older women at church when will pattern of meanness and gossip end ?It would be wonderful if older, more mature women in the church or homeschool group were modeling kind gracious behavior in front of these women.

[Pretty in Pink]

You could just ramble on incorrigibly about your *****in' collection of 70s/80s rock albums and how your kids just can't get enough of it. Then tell her how you just scored the *sweetest* Bon Jovi tickets. Ever! Then start going on about how you'll never be able to find a sitter on such short notice. Lay it on thick. :D

[kalphs]

You could just ramble on incorrigibly about your *****in' collection of 70s/80s rock albums and how your kids just can't get enough of it. Then tell her how you just scored the *sweetest* Bon Jovi tickets. Ever! Then start going on about how you'll never be able to find a sitter on such short notice. Lay it on thick. :D

Maybe a repitore of the Beatles "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, Yellow Submarine and Magical Mystery Tour" would do the trick?

[Samiam]

I hate to say this, but truly, it sounds like OP has a small chip on shoulder.

 

"The women" have been judged by her "only coming for ME time", "selfish" etc etc. Honestly, who doesn't enjoy the hour sitting alone, in the lobby, or in the car, or taking part in service, that Awana's (or any other children's program) gives them while their children are happily occupied? Is that wrong?

 

She accuses them of gossiping as she is across the room because she can see their lips moving.

 

Perhaps those other woman are feeling judged by her, and thus stay clear. Perhaps they were talking about her, asking "Why does she judge us yet never speaks with us personally?"

 

I know there are woman out there who are like what OP has described, but those type of women rarely run in PACKS, because, truly, how many selfish people can be in a "group"???

 

The whole scenario just sounds silly, like one is judging from the outside, without making an effort to go inside and actually engage with the woman.

[Miss Sherry]

I hate to say this, but truly, it sounds like OP has a small chip on shoulder.

 

"The women" have been judged by her "only coming for ME time", "selfish" etc etc. Honestly, who doesn't enjoy the hour sitting alone, in the lobby, or in the car, or taking part in service, that Awana's (or any other children's program) gives them while their children are happily occupied? Is that wrong?

 

She accuses them of gossiping as she is across the room because she can see their lips moving.

 

Perhaps those other woman are feeling judged by her, and thus stay clear. Perhaps they were talking about her, asking "Why does she judge us yet never speaks with us personally?"

 

I know there are woman out there who are like what OP has described, but those type of women rarely run in PACKS, because, truly, how many selfish people can be in a "group"???

 

The whole scenario just sounds silly, like one is judging from the outside, without making an effort to go inside and actually engage with the woman.

I wonder how obvious it is to this group of woman that they are being shunned at this church. Has anyone extended more than a polite "hello" while quickly walking past and "holding out a ten foot pole" so they don't have to be contaminated by even talking to them ?

It would be great , wouldn't it, if instead of being shunned by the women who think themselves so much "better" , if these women had some older, more mature woman at church mentor them, and perhaps help them learn to steer a conversation away from gossiping, if they even ARE actually gossiping. I wonder if anyone on here can truthfully say that they have NEVER gossiped. If every person that has EVER gossiped is to be shunned by all at church is there anyone that is NOT going to be shunned left ? :001_huh:

[kalphs]

Thank you to all who posted on my thread!

You've provided me with some zany suggestions!

Edited December 10, 2010 by kalphs

[kalanamak]

 

Perhaps those other woman are feeling judged by her, and thus stay clear. Perhaps they were talking about her, asking "Why does she judge us yet never speaks with us personally?"

 

I know there are woman out there who are like what OP has described, but those type of women rarely run in PACKS, because, truly, how many selfish people can be in a "group"???

 

 

 

:lol: I have run into the Queen Bee and WannaBee circles since I was 10. If you haven't, you are a lucky, lucky person. If I get into a situation with them at work, I am diligent to get transferred. They are often long-term in a place and resent any newbie who is actually interested in work rather than yapping about boyfriend problems the whole shift.

 

The OP had been in a situation much closer to them. Now she'd like to be away from them, and I know how unpleasant it is to have to deal with people you'd rather be away from. I hate pretending I'm so pleased to see someone who makes me wish I was in the dentist chair being drilled instead of listening to their gossip. If they force it, I get serious, and then they avoid me.:) (An example, just last week, in a work area I don't generally go to: a ward clerk, an LPN, and a line staff, all very focused on men, men, men were all in a tizzy because the LPN, who had a BF she broke up with and then got involved with a man with more money, but a jerk, so she went back to first BF and now the interim BF is texting current BF certain photos and current BF is getting bent out of shape and forwarding them to LPN while she is a work, and yadda yadda yadda yadda. I can barely get my work done for all the "then he said and then she said " "ohhhhh, I can't believe it" "What did you DO!!!" "I'd have DIED" yap that was swirling around this small work area. So, I finally said "what is the big deal? Tell BF to sit up and fly right and ignore the interim BF. Ignore interim BF. He'll get tired of it if he doesn't get a response." Three sets of "what a square, she's so old she doesn't know anything [they would think "don't know nothing"]" eyes are trained on me, and they take the conversation to the break room.)

 

Birds of a feather flock together.