How much help...

[Cynful]

My son is 13 and has various learning delays and dyslexia. Due to these he works at a snail's pace when left to do subjects independently. I'm good with him going at his own pace, however, he's already "behind" and at this rate will never catch up. Again, I'm ok with that so long as he's always learning, however, intellectually, he could be much further ahead IF I assist him... ALOT. For example, writing is hard for him (the physical act and though he knows how to type, he wants to write); math he likes alot but its hard for him to catch without alot of explaining; he has no critical thinking skills whatsoever; reading is a dread unless I'm reading out loud which he adores; etc.

 

I guess what I'm asking is do I continue to let him go along at his snail's pace and let him do it himself or do I help as much as possible and keep his brain engaged and get him "caught" up?

 

My guess is it's a fine line between helping and letting him do for himself. He's continually getting better, but I worry about how he'll go to college and how it will go for him. You know how it is... I just want to help the best way I can but I don't want to do everything for him or have him rely on me for everything.

 

So what would you do? :)

[Renee in NC]

Are you not accomodating him at all? In school, he would be allowed to have everything read to him or have audio textbooks. He might have someone scribe for him or be allowed to type (or use a dictation type program.) Many colleges have learning centers that assist students with LDs.

 

What math is he using? Are you teaching it to him or expecting him to learn it from DVD or CD? Is it the computation or the concept that is causing the problems? (I know with my 12yo that he totally gets what division is and how it works, but struggles with the actual computation.)

 

It also depends on what his other delays are. My 9yo is dyslexic among other things, so he keeps getting further and further behind, but that may be just the way it is for him.

 

Does your ds have any other diagnosis?

[KatieJo]

Cynthia,

 

For what it's worth, I would go for providing him the accomodations he needs to work at his intellectual level. Otherwise, we are allowing his weak areas to limit his growth and progress. Definitely allow him to dictate some things to you or another scribe, read books aloud or use the recorded ones.

 

I have done that with children #3 and 4, both dyslexic, though #3 was never diagnosed. We avoided the "I am stupid" syndrome by allowing both of them to have a rich thought life and an ability to express themselves articulately.

 

#3 did well in college, although he didn't like it! #4 is only 11, so we are early on in this journey.

 

HTH,

Katie

[Cynful]

Are you not accomodating him at all? In school, he would be allowed to have everything read to him or have audio textbooks. He might have someone scribe for him or be allowed to type (or use a dictation type program.) Many colleges have learning centers that assist students with LDs.

 

What math is he using? Are you teaching it to him or expecting him to learn it from DVD or CD? Is it the computation or the concept that is causing the problems? (I know with my 12yo that he totally gets what division is and how it works, but struggles with the actual computation.)

 

It also depends on what his other delays are. My 9yo is dyslexic among other things, so he keeps getting further and further behind, but that may be just the way it is for him.

 

Does your ds have any other diagnosis?

 

Oh yes, I didn't mean it to sound that I don't help. I definitely do, its just that he could use more.

 

For instance, he's doing Primary Language Lessons - he'll have to write out maybe 12 sentences and fill in with the correct words - this will take him an hour to do. I could have him just do the words, but I wasn't sure if I should. See what I mean? He reads what he can (slowly) and I help with anything he might need plus I read a ton of books to him. We are using RightStart Math and Singapore Intensive Practice. I do the entire lesson with him and help him as needed. Sing. IP he does on his own if he can, but it gets very hard for him so I help as needed. He gets hung up on the concepts usually though computation at times; I guess its 50/50 but he usually always gets it eventually.

 

He doesn't have any other definitive diagnosis as we haven't had him tested since he was 5 or 6 and I don't think they gave us any one actual "name". He was born 2 1/2 months early and had a small amount of brain damage due to hydrocephalus.

 

I have no problem assisting him. I just wasn't sure how much I should? As in my example above about writing out 12 sentences - do I let him do that even though it takes him an hour and takes away time from the rest of his schooling or do I just allow him to fill in only the blank words or do I do the writing for him? He hates when school takes forever but I worry about doing it all for him. I'm trying to find that right combination.

[Cynful]

Cynthia,

 

For what it's worth, I would go for providing him the accomodations he needs to work at his intellectual level. Otherwise, we are allowing his weak areas to limit his growth and progress. Definitely allow him to dictate some things to you or another scribe, read books aloud or use the recorded ones.

 

 

 

That is exactly what I mean and what I was wondering everyone else does. I want him to love learning and not feel its such a dredge because its so hard for him and because it seems to take him forever when his sister is finished in less than half the time.

[Tokyomarie]

Given his birth history and the length of time since he's had any testing, I think it would be a very good idea for your son to have full neuropsychological testing done. You will come away with a much clearer idea of your son's learning strengths and weaknesses and can get a better idea of how to tailor his education so he gets appropriate challenge in his strong areas, targeted help for improving his weak areas, and accommodations for tasks he cannot yet do in the same way other students his age can. Since he is getting close to time for high school, this is a good time to start figuring out what sort of educational & vocational path you might be aiming at for his future. The information you gain in testing can help you begin to sort out the options.

 

When my son was 13yo, I adapted pretty much everything he did. I did not require much handwritten work except when we were working on handwriting. When he had to write answers in a workbook, I would have him write a few answers & I would scribe the rest. By that age, I had him working at the keyboard for any writing composition work. At 15yo, his writing is legible enough that he can do his math & write short answers in workbooks. But it is painfully slow & not functional for anything like taking notes in a lecture. He will need to use technology for notes in the classroom. At 13yo, he could read fairly well, but we use a literature based curriculum and the amount of reading tired him. I read much more aloud than I would have for my older children at that age, so that he could still get the information he needed from the curriculum. This year, I'm considering using recordings for some of his readings so that he can continue to get the voume of information but be more independent in completing his work. Besides, it will save on my voice! These are some examples of things I've done for my son.

 

Hope you are able to sort out where to go from here on helping your son achieve his best.

[Cynful]

Thank you Marie. It's good to hear how others have handled it. I think it would be best for him at this point for me to help out more so he doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

 

I think having him tested would be good, however, I have absolutely no idea where to go for that around here. The school district is out - I'd much rather pay for it ourselves than go that route. Do we see a neurologist? A psychologist/psychiatrist?

[EKS]

My son is 14 and has dyslexia and ADD (as well as various sensory issues).

 

When my son began high school level work last year I decided that I should make a document that specified what accommodations I would be providing. I based the accommodations on what had been suggested by various professionals who had evaluated him and what is standard for kids with dyslexia and ADD.

 

So here is what it says.

 

Son was evaluated by Doctor PhD, in November 2008, and diagnosed with dyslexia with slow academic fluency, attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder, and disorder of written expression. Because of these diagnoses, he qualifies for the following 504 testing accommodations:

 

Son will be provided with extended time for all test taking.

 

Son will be provided with breaks as needed.

 

Son will be allowed to take tests in a separate, quiet area, free from distractions.

 

Son will have the option to circle the correct answer in his test booklet rather than using a Scantron answer sheet.

 

Son will be allowed the use of a word processor with spellchecker for all essay format tests.

 

Based on Doctor's recommendations, Son will also receive the following additional support:

 

Son will be given additional help to learn how to organize his time, materials, and assignments. He will be given direct instruction and supervision in the use of a planner to keep track of tests and assignments.

 

Where feasible, Son will be allowed to use a computer for all written work.

 

Son will receive direct and systematic writing instruction and it is understood that he may require more scaffolding than other students at his grade level.

 

Timelines and standards will be clearly communicated to Son and will be frequently revisited.

 

Son will be given extra time (as compared to grade-level peers) to complete writing assignments. Larger assignments may be broken into manageable chunks as appropriate.

 

Son will be allowed expedient make up of incorrectly done assignments.

 

The above accommodations and additional support are being put in place so that Son can work at a level that reflects his intellectual capacity rather than his disability. We expect that with direct instruction and scaffolding, Son will eventually be able to assume a lead role in the organization of his time, materials, and assignments. We also expect that with systematic writing instruction, Son will become a confident writer. In fact, the development of Son's organizational and writing skills will be a major focus of his high school education.

 

This plan will be reassessed yearly, or more often if needed.

 

Signed, Kai

 

***

 

If your son is behind, he should not be expected to catch up by learning independently. IMO, he should only be doing things independently in his areas of strength.

 

You say he prefers handwriting to typing. Is this because typing is still difficult? It is probably going to need to become completely automatic before he prefers it. And for that to happen he has to do it a lot. Because typing is known to be such a major help to dyslexics, I would require him to use the computer for all written work even it it is painful at first.

 

I'd teach the math to him, sit with him while he does practice problems, and then remain in the room while he does the problem set on his own. Also, it might help to allow him to check each answer with you prior to moving to the next problem.

 

As for reading being a dread--two things. First, I would work on this specifically. Is he able to read on grade level? Have you done fluency readings? Have you tried REWARDS? REWARDS and fluency readings and just reading aloud every single day for 20 minutes for over a year helped my son immensely. The other thing is that I would read all his school work aloud to him, science, history, literature, everything, until the reading is better. This will allow him to work at his intellectual level rather than his reading level.

 

For my son, I also try to select materials that don't require him to do what is already difficult unnecessarily. So for grammar I select things that don't require massive copying of sentences or I modify the assignment. The point is to teach him grammar, not frustrate him with tons of copywork.

 

Finally, you need a plan to extricate yourself from all this involvement. So every year you will be backing away more and more. For example, last year my son tackled learning math and Latin on his own but I was still very involved in English, science, and history/geography. Next year, he will be doing everything except English on his own with support from me. In two years the plan is for him to dual enroll at the community college full time so that he can have experience in college coursework with support from home.

 

So yes, I think you should help him get to the point where he can do grade level work with appropriate accommodations. It is unrealistic to expect him to do it all on his own.

Edited August 8, 2010 by EKS

[Cynful]

Kai, thank you so much for your detailed reply. Extremely helpful!!

 

I think the issue is that he started to show improvements and I went overboard thinking he could be more independent. I was excited he was doing better and just assumed the stamina would be there to continue with it. I'll not make that mistake again.

 

I did back off the typing some lately because other school work was taking so long. I'll add that back in and make it a requirement. Math we work well together and I'm with him for the whole process. He does like to check each answer before moving on - just to make sure. Word problems are awful for him, but I'll just continue to sit and do them with him.

 

Reading, we had started REWARDS and it was suggested to me to try ABeCeDarian short B and C first, so we've been working through that. As soon as we are finished, we'll go back to REWARDS. I also require him to read 30 minutes a day. His reading has really improved over the last year but its no where near grade level. It's about 4th, maybe 5th grade; though last year, his reading level was probably 2nd grade. I'll add in the fluency readings. I already read everything else to him unless he wants to try it himself.

 

Planning to remove myself slowly is a good idea. I'll go back to full help now and then let him decide where he feels he can work independently and in a timely manner.

 

Thanks again,

[Tokyomarie]

I think the issue is that he started to show improvements and I went overboard thinking he could be more independent. I was excited he was doing better and just assumed the stamina would be there to continue with it. I'll not make that mistake again.

 

Cynthia, I think this might be a common mistake. By the time my son was in middle school, he could read with grade level comprehension. But because he could read independently and comprehend, I was not aware that his fluency was so poor. I tried to push him to read more, but he just tired too quickly. Once his handwriting for copywork was legible & reasonably within the lines, I made the mistake of thinking he should be able to write more on his own. I pushed way too hard and I'm paying the price now because ds's confidence & willingness to engage with me took a huge nosedive. I made strides this past year, changing up some of our curriculum & giving more accommodation. However, it is going to take some time to regain his trust. Now that I know what accommodation & instruction he most needs & I am more confident that what I'm putting together for this year (which begins in Sept. for us) will be better organized and, hopefully, better received by my son.

 

As for finding a neuropsychologist to do testing, you can ask around to your pediatrician and any parents you know with children who have learning challenges &/or ADHD, as well as use Google. I found mine through Google, but I recognized his name as someone who had been recommended before by a professional, and I discovered from talking with a homeschooling friend that he had worked with children of two families I know.

 

I was looking for someone who specialized in working with children & adolescents and who has a postive outlook on disability that seeks to discover and work with a child's strengths, not just learning how to limp along & cope with the disability.

 

A full battery of testing can be quite expensive, but if you use the right billing codes & language, some insurance companies will reimburse. I should think with your son's medical history that you would be more likely to get reimbursement than some.

[Tokyomarie]

Thanks for posting your list, Kai. I am getting ready to create a similar document & will keep yours in mind as I do.

[Terabith]

I'm far, far from an expert, but my intuition specifically on the Primary Language Lessons is that it is silly to have him copy the whole sentence when a word will suffice. He struggles with written work, and this is not essential. It's not about the grammar; it becomes essentially handwriting practice. That's not bad, but a short (5-10 minute) handwriting assignment might fill that need without causing grammar to take an hour.

 

I would definitely make typing a big priority. In fact, I would prioritize reading skill/ fluency (ABeCeDarian, REWARDS, fluency readings, reading aloud, etc), typing, math, and writing. I think I would just read everything else aloud to him. Grammar and such I would make as quick and easy as possible. I might do something like Easy Grammar, supplemented by a systematic writing program.

 

But with his prematurity, health insurance might cover a battery of tests, and that could be very helpful.