S/O Partnership in marriage

[Embassy]

What does partnership in marriage look like to you?

[Liz CA]

Identifying one's own strength and weaknesses and working out a plan.

 

For example, my dh would perhaps (we never tried it) not have made a great homeschool dad, meaning doing all the teaching himself. He did do science for a couple of years and it went great. Both of them had a lot of fun. But this is exactly why dh would not be so good at teaching grammar or requiring reading books and a book report. Those two want to have fun together, be active together. I am the one balancing all the (physical) fun with the other work.

Dh is good at his profession, maintenance issues, etc. I like to cook, and do the research about any choices we may have to make. Then there is a number of things we enjoy together, i.e traveling, gardening, walking, etc.

 

It is not always 50/50 but depending on the circumstances, at times it will be 80/20 or some other ratio. Main thing is that we know we can rely on each other. We have come to appreciate our different talents and preferences.

[elise1mds]

Today it meant that my husband did four loads of laundry for me since he was working at home while I took the girl to the zoo. Other days it means I plan (and tolerate) family events where he doesn't have to lift a finger. It changes often, but as long as things get done and nobody is resentful of the other, it's a good plan!

[mcconnellboys]

Division of duties. Everyone does what they like/are good at/ can do.

 

My husband works. Since moving here, I stay home and homeschool. I have more time to give back in volunteer work, so I'm the one that does most of that, or leads our family in joining in to those sorts of things.

 

He maintains the vehicles, for the most part; and the grass. I let him in the beds some now, but have historically kept him away because he used to rip up perenniels by their roots in fall, etc. He still doesn't prune trees properly, so I try to ride herd in that regard, too, LOL.

 

I cook if he does the dishes. He's not exactly perfect at keeping up his end of this deal, but I'm not exactly perfect at keeping the house clean, either.

 

He's a money fiend and absolutely insisted on taking over all financial matters many, many years ago. I'm just as happy to just spend money and happily ignore bill paying, etc.

 

I think you find a happy balance that works well for everyone and go with it. That's going to look different in every family.....

[Mommyof4ks]

I agree with others. It is about figuring out what each person is good at and working together to get through the things that neither one is good at (working on cars lol) or paying someone to do those things. ;)

 

Dh is works full time, mows the grass, builds shelves, does most home repairs and so on. I care for the children, homeschool, keep up with the finances, shop, clean the house (ummm...sometimes), and so on.

[lapsetmom]

I agree with the above posters--doing what you are both most equipped to do. Not always about who's doing more, but each doing what you can for the good of the team and for each other. I believe many women are often better at household and childcare matters and men are often (not always) more equipped for the day in day out work world. That's where we were for a time until my husband got fibromyalgia. Now, he is not as equipped for the work world, and he is making a great transition to taking over household and childcare duties while I finish up schooling and look for a job. He cooks, and I do dishes, and he now does all the laundry. It is a flexible thing for us now as life changes, and I think it's great that we're learning to be what the other needs for the sake of each other and our children. It all comes down to love and giving of ourselves.

[Daisy]

A partnership in marriage means to me that both spouses live sacrificially. They both concern themselves with the needs and wants of the other person. Neither is willing to look out only for their own interests. That is going to work itself out differently in every marriage.

 

It may look very traditional with the husband going to full time work and the wife staying at home and running the household. It may look very nontraditional. That it so important to me.

 

It is all about both partners giving 100%. In that kind of marriage neither partner is a doormat.

[CactusPair]

:iagree: with everything Daisy said.

[katemary63]

We each consider the health and wellbeing of our relationship, our family and eachother to be our common, utmost goal. We do not ever put our own individual needs above the needs of these things. (relationship, family, spouse) We each work hard to do our share of the work required to accomplish this goal, no matter what that work is. We are a team sharing the journey of life together, 100% committed to each other forever. We behave toward each other with respect, kindness, thoughtfullness and love in every way possible and we work hard to continously improve our manner of doing so.

[Peela]

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It is all about both partners giving 100%.

 

Thats what I was going to say. Partnership doesnt mean that one is always checking what the other is doing to see if its as much as yourself. You just give 100%. If the other partner only gives 80%, that's still a 180% marriage! Sometime only 1 partner can give 100% for a time, then maybe the other at a different time. But trying to think 50/50 doesnt work. I think 100% is how love thinks, and 50/50 is a business deal.

 

Practically speaking, it's a division of duties so that neither is overworked and overwhelmed, when the other could be helping. But sometimes we need to ask for that....partners cant read minds and sometimes are too distracted to notice.

 

Emotionally (and perhaps spiritually) speaking, its taking care of each other, while at the same time not making the other responsible for oneself. Its a sense of sharing ones life together, and a sense that one's partner is a soft place to land if one needs support, or just at the end of a hard day. At the same time, I think a partnership is, as Kahil Gibran says, more like two pillars standing alone holding up a building, together, rather than two pillars leaning against each other to hold each other up. Partnership should support individuality and independence, and growth, rather than foster too much dependence. That's a healthy partnership, rather than a co-dependent one.

 

Partnership needs to support both individuals as separate individuals, and allow for the full range of needs to be met both within and from without the partnership, rather than trying to meet all needs from within the partnership. In other words, partnership is in the context of broader community and can rarely stand without a broader context to draw from. So, I have my girlfriends, and these boards, and a couple of male friends, and various spiritual groups, who I will also share myslef with and drawn nourishment from. Dh is the same. So we arent just relying on each other for support and nourishment and love....and so when it doesn't come from the partner for whatever reason, the whole world doesn't collapse. At the same time....we ask for what we need and make time just for each other to keep our partnership renewed and alive rather than stale.