Could use some encouragement please..

[michaeljenn]

I have homeschooled off and on for the past 8 years. Some years have been better than others and I have tried every homeschooling method known to man. I am set on WTM though now. However, I feel like my kiddo's are behind. They seem to complain, and are always looking for the easy way out. If a particular book is too hard, or makes them think:glare: they beg for something new. Of course, I have appeased them. UGH!! They don't know how to outline a textbook... heck, I don't even know where to start to teach them. I feel like I have LOTS of work ahead of me to get them up to speed.

 

I would love some advice here... Do you MAKE your children stick out a curriculum even if they hate it? Or, because it is too hard? What do you do if they slack off? Or say they did the work, but failed a test?

 

I also just had a baby this past school year and slacked quite a bit. I know I need to have a great year and turn into a very mean mom. I tend to be a pushover... ok I admitted it. I hate to see them upset.

 

I know this post is everywhere... that is how my head feel right now. In fact, I wonder if they would be better off in school?

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

:grouphug:

You should be able to sit down with the oldest 3 and have a school planning session. Ask them what they like about school and about what they don't like about school. Ask them what they might see as a positive change. Can they help choose books for next year? Can they help schedule the day?

 

I have found that when my children help with all the planning and have some choices all of school goes much better.

 

Also: Please don't fall into the "being behind" trap! You are where you are! If the older ones are 'truly' behind, they can probably "catch up" pretty easily.

 

I hope this is encouraging to you.

:grouphug:

[Momma H]

It sounds like what your kids need a lesson in is character. Unfortunatley, it sounds like they have your number that you are a softy and are working you. I hope that does not sound harsh! Sending them back to school is not going to do them any favors but they do need to learn to be responsible for their own education too. It is hard to know when they are really not able to do a book or they just figured out that if they whine enough you won't make them when you don't know they have solid character. Work on that first. Honesty, integrity, hard work. These, to me, are the REAL reason (OK, learning about Jesus is first) we homeschool. I would rather have a kid who is honoest,diligent and honorable in his or her work than anything academic. You can do it! Your kids can be honorable. They just need to be encouraged and admonished.

[Renee in NC]

I've done the same thing in the past, especially with my 12yo. He learned that if he complained enough or whined enough he could get out of doing the work. He also does the minimum possible and hates to work hard. It's a character issue. (Yes, he has LDs, but his younger brothers' are worse and they both work harder than he.)

 

Push through the character issues.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I'd agree that it's a character issue, but would say that you also recognize your part in your dilemna and that's a good start. :grouphug: It's probably been all the switching over the years that makes them eager to keep switching. Just toughen up a bit, Momma.

 

I suggest you decide what are you would first like to see improvement. I.e. pick a point and start from there. Choosing math is an easy place b/c math is math...they have to do it no matter what program you use, so pick one and make sure they understand how much you expect to complete each week and that you will finish the program. You will show them you mean it by grading papers quickly and by meeting with them daily to go over all their work...just to make sure its getting done. Whining immediately gets sent to their bed and you start again in a few minutes. It will be changes in your attitude and habits that will lead them to change too. Changes always start with Mommy :)

 

"Catching up" is faster than learning sometimes, so let's say you decide outlining is where to begin. Then teach them how to outline and really work through it until the whining goes away and they simply do the work. If you want to play "catch up" you can only do so much at a time, so just get started.

 

You can do this! I remind you, in love, the change will come from you. You lead. You guide. You decide the direction your school goes...for better or worse.

 

Congrats on the new baby! Don't forget to hug and kiss that baby all day long!

[strawberry]

MommaH,

Do you have any suggestions of character "curriculum?" Sounds like you know what you are talking about! ; )

 

(I haven't done a search yet, except on "Pearables," because I've heard of them!)

[FaithManor]

I don't give in because of emotional appeal. If the curriculum works in terms of meeting the learning style of the child, then they have to stick it out. If I have made a mistake and the curriculum is truly a bad match, from a teacher's standpoint and not an emotional child's standpoint, then I will make a switch but the child must do what is required, end of discussion.

 

Does your DH support you? Is he willing to sit with a stubborn child in the evening and bring his fatherly will to bear on "getting work done and not disrespecting mom"? I have found that if I do have a problem, DH backs me up and makes the boys "miserable" which nips the attitude problem in the bud pretty quickly. That said, it does not bother me if a child sits and stares at an assignment for two hours. That's their problem if they want to end up still having chores to complete and not have any free-time. However, whenever I introduce new topics, new concepts, etc. I will sit with them and hold their hand through the process until I know that they should be able to do the work independently. We school at the dining room table for some subjects so I can have everybody in one place while they do Math or English.

 

Your children probably aren't as far behind as you think. So, try not to obsess about that and they are likely to fill in the gaps quickly once their attitudes about school work are brought to in line.

 

I'd think of some privileges that all of the older ones enjoy and then be prepared to take them away for a decent period of time so that they get the impression that they must do their school work. Ds loses his favorite computer game for seven days and up to a month for giving me a bad time about his Math. Just the one warning that he receives prior to the actual sentence usually brings him in line. The one time he lost his computer entirely for 30 days really made an impression on him. Especially since DH then rubbed a little "salt" in the wound by embarking upon teaching the younger two boys how to write simple games in Visual Basic. Boy, that son really wanted to learn programming and at the end of the 30 days, his attitude was completely reticent.

 

Also, teens are always looking forward to learning to drive. Oh, the freedom of a driver's license. Use that in your favor with the 14 year old. In order to begin driver's ed, our kids have to be current with their schoolwork and doing it with a willing attitude. They must be compliant with our house rules and maintaining an 85% grade in every subject. We must not have any reports from grandparents, extended family members, friends, church people, etc. of bad attitude or wayward behavior. We've said that driving means making life and death decisions...if they aren't mature enough to maintain schoolwork and the very reasonable rules we have at home, then they certainly aren't mature enough to ever drive a two ton speeding death trap! Ds 13 is already looking forward to the day he can get behind the wheel of a car and his dad has already warned him about this. So, I think this will be a real carrot. My brother tore up his daughter's driver's license when she started failing some classes her senior year. It made an impression on her.

 

Hang in there! It's tough but you love them more than an anyone else and because you want them to succeed, you'll find a way or if not, they won't have any excuses at 18 for why you didn't give them a high school diploma or allow them privileges....it will be their fault and they will have to own their decisions.

 

That said, try to find some family time every day to build in good talks, relaxation, game playing, etc. You need to have some down time that is just bonding time so that you don't feel like the sum total of your relationship with the kidlets is "being the heavy".

 

Faith

[everettrj]

while I don't have any real words of wisdom, as I am just starting out, I am noticing a real trend on the board this morning and am beyond relieved that it is all but normal to feel overwhelmed and in over my head (even 'seasoned' hs'ers seem to get this from time to time).

All I can say right now is :grouphug: and cheers to everyone! Afterall what we're doing is an awesome thing and the one thing we can be sure of is that our children will understand above all else, that they were so very loved!

Thanks for the op and for the responses, okay I'll settle down now :bigear:

[mommy4ever]

OH whining, the older 3 are roughly the same ages as my older 3 too. They are masters of the whine. The only thing I have learned to do, that works, is add a consequence.

 

Here is what is going on here:

 

DD10 spends a lot of time being sent to her room. I tell her it is understandable to be frustrated, angry etc, but it is NOT ok to inflict her uncontrolled emotions on everyone else. IF she needs to cry out of frustration, she is to go in her room. If she is going to be disrespectful to those around her, she needs go to her room. If her 'headache' is so bad she needs to cry and carry on, she needs to go to her room. There is no audience in her room. There is no sympathy in her room. There is no maliciousness in her room either. There has been a time or two that I have told her if she doesn't go, she will have help going... she might be as tall as me, but I can still carry her. That usually makes her laugh, and problem solved as the attitude is gone. The poor poor me attitude is slowing down.

 

I made a comment on headaches, poor thing DOES get them. And what works the best IS for her to laydown. But she can be so stubborn and worked up, it escalates into a major splitting headache. We have talked and talked about it. She knows that if she takes a little time out in the dark and quiet, the headache becomes manageable or even goes away. But when the headache is there she won't, usually it needs her to have a fit, then she goes to her room, lays in the dark for 10 to 30 minutes and the headache has eased off. But there are many times I feel she is using headaches as an excuse to not do something. So time in the room, is boring when you are feeling fine, so it is short lived. She is doing it less and less. It is tiring, frustrating, and irritating. BUT, be consistent with any consequence being imposed. If she doesn't want to spend the day in her room.... then she had better get it together and be the charming, funny girl that she IS, not the brat she is acting out as.

 

MIL has noticed a change in her. She notices that dd10 doesn't give me a hard time at all, yes she will pout and have a little attitude, but not like it was. But if she thinks that i may tell her no... she asks dad first :lol:. For non school things, not a big issue to me, it isn't in defiance of me, it's trying to avoid being told no. Dad will often give in, big softy that he is. HOWEVER, when it comes to school, he knows that mom is the Head Mistress, and tells her to suck it up and get it done. I am learning that switching curriculum doesn't help her. I proved that by giving her grade 1 level work, she's in grade 5, and was still saying too hard! Translation... i don't want to. The stinker.....

 

Kids will be kids. If whining works, then they whine.

 

As a parent, i have learned to take a stand against whining. As a result, I get less and less resistance, but it takes time. Yes, I'm the 'mean mom'. I am the house with rules in the neighborhood. But I am also the mom that gets the phone calls from parents, instructors and teachers that is told what delightful, respectful, helpful children. We are the family, when we walk into a restaurant, people shake there heads and sigh expecting to deal with tantrums and ruin their dining experience, but then those same people stop by to tell us what wonderful well behaved children we have. Their worst behavior is at home. But with consistency, it lessens. Just be strong!

[johnandtinagilbert]

 

As a parent, i have learned to take a stand against whining. As a result, I get less and less resistance, but it takes time. Yes, I'm the 'mean mom'. I am the house with rules in the neighborhood. But I am also the mom that gets the phone calls from parents, instructors and teachers that is told what delightful, respectful, helpful children. We are the family, when we walk into a restaurant, people shake there heads and sigh expecting to deal with tantrums and ruin their dining experience, but then those same people stop by to tell us what wonderful well behaved children we have. Their worst behavior is at home. But with consistency, it lessens. Just be strong!

:iagree::iagree::iagree: