How do you deal with...

[Tara]

well, I guess I would call it "laziness" in a child??? My dd9 is a precious girl, very smart and loves school work, etc. But when it comes to keeping up her room, or doing any household chores she finds unpleasant, it really turns into a battle. I'm trying to teach her the value of work, and there are a few 'extra' jobs that I've offered to pay her for. Even though she has desperately been trying to save money for a CD she wants, she still turned me down for the simple job of sorting laundry!!!!

 

This area of parenting is one of my weakest points; instilling consistency in household work. And I really require VERY LITTLE of my children at this point. I have four, of which the oldest is nine. So, maybe I could also use advice on what is age-appropriate for "chores".

 

I would love to hear the things that help your homes run more smoothly. Thanks!

[Julie in Austin]

My oldest is 9 as well. He is responsible for emptying and reloading the dishwasher every evening. He also has to put his own laundry away, clean his room enough that I can vacuum it once per week, and (once every other week) clean the playroom.

 

Now, he is a basically compliant child, but my 6yo is not. He has a similar list of chores, and he is really pretty good about them and I think it is because of our "no screen time until your work is done" rule.

 

I do think consistency is important. You mentioned that is an issue for you--maybe you could ask your husband to help you out because I do think it can take a great deal of effort (esp. at first) to train your child to do chores (training in both the actual skill and in the discipline to do it). Yes, it is a pain to train and remind them--but it would really start paying off for you in a few months as your kiddos do more and more of the household work. (Or maybe I'm just lazy. :tongue_smilie:)

[Peela]

I agree with consistency and soliciting husband's help. I think if it werent for my dh's help I would not have my kids doing all the chores they do, and they do quite a few.

I think its natural for kids not to want to do chores, so it helps if you accept that and not make it a personal thing that she is personally lazy. Both my kids would prefer to be doing other things, I think its normal. Even though they have been doing chores for years, if there weren't consequences, and we didn't stay on top of them, they wouldn't actually do them! The animals would all die if left up to them!

However, I think it is worth the effort. But I would chose chores that you can actually back up and be consistent with.

My son has been doing all the bins since he was about 8 or 9. Both do the dishes every night and have done for years...and pack and unpack the dishwasher. They feed all the animals, (chickens, rabbits, yabbies, cat and dog) and older child does her own washing- has done since she was 12.

Maybe have her help you do dishes each night. It helps to "teach" chores, and I think it motivates kids to do things together. Yesterday my kids and I went into our schoolroom, put the timer on for 10 minutes, and cleaned and tidied. Then we went into the computer room and did the same. In 20 minutes we got a lot done, and it was fun to do it together.

[TengoFive]

All of my kids do their chores together. Well, the 6, 8, and 10 year old anyway. They sort, wash, and dry the laundry. I fold and then they put theirs away. They unload the dishwasher and they usually clean their rooms. My 10 year old just in the past year has gotten into the habit of cleaning her room. She's begun to realize how nice it is to have a clean room, especially when the rest of the house is a pigsty LOL.

Basically though, my kids know that they don't have the option of not doing it. And it really helps that its group jobs. I can't see them being willing to do their chores while another kid was playing, if the child playing had already done theirs.

[choirfarm]

Most of our work is done together in our 30 minute clean-up time. We go room by room and I supervise while they vacuum, dust, whatever. My boys ages 11 and 13 do their own laundry, vacuum, unload dishwasher, clean bathroom, clean their room, wipe walls, etc. I wish it would be done well without my supervision, but it never is. If they do it by themselves, it always has to be redone once I inspect it. Sigh.. My oldest is a great cook as well. His shrimp bisque and cheesburger soup are great and he often makes scrambled eggs for himself for breakfast. He will be fine on his own someday and will make someone a great hubby. Now my middle one...sigh. My dad calls him Pigpen after the character from Charlie Brown. He leave mess in his wake: books, crumbs, etc He wants to cook, but looses concentration and patience with the process and always has me finish wheras I'm not even in the kitchen anymore with my oldest. He does everything himself. My middle one can make corn muffins, however.

Christine

[Verena]

I have completely slacked in the area of household chores this year! Last year, I had this neat little system: each kid had to do one simple chore/day- they earned a ticket. At the end of the week, I paid them for the tickets they earned.

 

I, too, have one very unmotivated dc who would rather wiggle out of ANY work than lift a finger. It's sometimes simply too much to keep hovering over him and see to it that he really does what he's supposed. We now do a lot of chores on the weekend- and I have hubby encourage and supervise. I pay the kids very randomly now- whenever I think they earned it and did a super job.

[Verena]

As far as what's a chore for our 9 year old around here:

 

clean room, empty trashcans, sweep porch, help dad wash the car, help in the yard (scoop up dog poop, help mow, rake leaves), vacuum.

 

What I've given up on completely is have my kids clean the bathrooms. I'm doing it until further notice :-).

[PeterPan]

Maybe take the opposite approach and work them MORE... Work is not optional, and a 9 yo should be able to almost run the household for you. My dd, who turns 9 next month, and I'm not exaggerating here, keeps the grocery list, does her laundry, can make a full supper (bake the meat, make a salad, warm up a side of beans or wild rice), feed the animals, etc. Sometimes we don't realize everything they can do and take too much upon ourselves. Work is not optional, and work is what she does to show love to you and the family. Work makes them feel GOOD, so teach them to do it and make them do it. It makes them feel good because kids naturally want to grow and be independent. They want to learn those skills. I guess that's the key. When I give dd work I'm teaching her new skills, not just tossing her the most basic things a 2 yo could do. Give your 2 yo the 2 yo work and let the 9 yo do big girl stuff that will make her feel empowered, that she's growing.

 

The other thing is to teach them to come back to you after they finish a task and say, "What next Mommy?" :)

[Tara]

I appreciate the help in this area. Good advice!