varying levels of ability: attention, motivation and responsibilty WHERE ARE YOU?

[lwilliams1922]

How do you deal with varying levels of ability?

 

Other than Calgon taking me away there are so many days that I'm just at a lost.

 

DD is 14 and is highly skilled in Eng and Latin. She is taking 2 courses at the community college this semester (ENG and American Sign Language). She had a B average a midterm and I expect she will end the semester with an A in ASL and a B in ENG.

 

She loves the courses but she is also ADHD (inattentive) and mild aspergers. This means that I spend a LARGE majority of the day (every day) reminding her to do things and stay on task.

 

This is very draining to me. She can do the ASL and ENG work but she gets so distracted. One of the reasons I took her out of private school in 7th grade is that she needs someone to teach her executive functions.

I KNOW she needs to learn this but I'm over my head. It seems like we rarely if ever get to math because so much of my time and energy is in redirecting her. Of course math is her weak area so she can stall that in ways that are unimaginable. And how do I ever get to research new approaches, teach or plan school work if I'm always redirecting?

 

 

 

I'm torn. On one side I feel she is perfectly capable of doing the college work and getting an associates in the next 3-4 years. But on the other hand it's a full time job for me. I NEVER do or even look at any of her work but I do have to track whats due and remind her all day to get them done. If I had a dollar for every time she asked my 4 year old a random question and forgot what she was doing, we would all be quite wealthy.

 

On the other side, maybe I need to let her suffer the consequences. Well, I can say that she not organized enough to see or deal with them. She operates in the moment and getting her to plan and organize is turning out the be harder than I ever imagined. There have been several occasions that I told her she was going to public school because it was not fair for her to be spending so much time reading fiction which requires me to chase her to remind her about assignments.

 

I purchased a nice planner like the one I use but it is sitting empty. When I told her she could not doodle or write random facts unrelated to school she lost interest.

 

Does anyone have any tips, suggestions or encouragement?

Are there any sites for teaching time management, responsibility, motivation or executive functions?

how do you ever get to the weak subjects? I cant remember the last time we got to math. She is still on PRE ALGEBRA.

 

Maybe I am just not organized myself to take on this task. I probably would have the same dx as she does but I've never been formerly tested. I keep a planner in my hands or within arms reach every hour of every day. I attention span would not allow me to get anything done without it. She just isn't responsible enough to worry about not getting things done.

 

sigh...

[Rebecca VA]

All this is just my personal opinion, but I do have an ADD daughter and can sympathize with what you're going through.

 

I think she's working above her head. She might be highly skilled in language, but the whole package of what she needs to succeed in college courses isn't there yet. It shouldn't be this draining on you. You need to slow her down and get her more grounded.

 

If I were you, I'd have her working at or slightly above grade level, giving equal emphasis to each subject. The harder subjects should come first in the day. She should save her favorite subjects for last. You should make a list of what needs to be done in each subject each day, and she should check it off as she completes her work.

 

She might feel insulted to be taken back to ninth grade work after being in college, but she needs to be a successful ninth-grader before she can go on to bigger things. When she can do the totality of her work well over a long period of time (a couple of years?), she should be given the privilege of moving up.

 

Really, there's no need to rush her into getting an associate's degree. Her actions (or lack of actions) are telling you that she isn't ready.

[lwilliams1922]

All this is just my personal opinion, but I do have an ADD daughter and can sympathize with what you're going through.

 

I think she's working above her head. She might be highly skilled in language, but the whole package of what she needs to succeed in college courses isn't there yet. It shouldn't be this draining on you. You need to slow her down and get her more grounded.

 

If I were you, I'd have her working at or slightly above grade level, giving equal emphasis to each subject. The harder subjects should come first in the day. She should save her favorite subjects for last. You should make a list of what needs to be done in each subject each day, and she should check it off as she completes her work.

 

She might feel insulted to be taken back to ninth grade work after being in college, but she needs to be a successful ninth-grader before she can go on to bigger things. When she can do the totality of her work well over a long period of time (a couple of years?), she should be given the privilege of moving up.

 

Really, there's no need to rush her into getting an associate's degree. Her actions (or lack of actions) are telling you that she isn't ready.

 

 

That was the original plan, to work at her level. Then I discovered that It was a full time effort to manage her work and left little to no time for actual instruction or planning.

 

I realized I needed to out source. She takes latin on line but many of the other courses I just can't afford. I figured the cost of the CC was about the cost of some online hs classes. A distant family member caught wind of us considering CC and offered to help with the tuition as long as she maintained a certain GPA.

 

I will look to do some re planning. She is already registered for 2 summer courses but I will go back to the weekly/daily plan for her to check off work in her other classes. I think I got frustrated with her constantly loosing the sheet.

 

I get so overwhelmed. I have to remind her to do everything from bathing, going to bed, to picking up her text books and clothes.

 

I think, in reality what ever level she worked at she just doesnt seem to be self motivated, responsible or organized.

[TravelingChris]

I have a 16.66 dd who has severe adhd and took a cc class at 15. SHe also took 2 classes at a homeschool academy at 14. She did not need reminding to do the work. SHe did need me to check her on whether she was bringing the work to the classroom but she always got the work done. I think the difference was motivation. My dd definitely has executive function difficulties like keeping track of laundry, remembering to take pills (currently she is only responsible for the Fish oil and she forgets that most days), and other things she doesn't care much about. She is always very careful to get her work done for classes, have her equipment for soccer or for choir, be prepared for debate tournaments, and other things she cares about. SHe was this way at 14 too so I don't think it is the age, per se, but rather that she doesn't feel invested in the process. My dd is super disorganized but she manages to get things she cares about done as do I (a mild ADHDer who has gotten more moderately ADHD as perimenopause continues).

[Rebecca VA]

I understand about having to spend the day managing a child's work. I only have *one* child in my homeschool now, but being there for her and keeping her on task keeps me tied down every moment.

 

I don't do a whole lot of actual teaching. She does algebra with a teaching CD-ROM (Math Without Borders), science with a DVD instructor (BJU), Latin through an online school (Lukeion), and literature and composition through a class with a professional teacher (though I do have to read the books with her to make sure she pays attention). She can do English and history on her own.

 

It's very helpful to have to meet another teacher's schedule. As I'm writing this post, my daughter's in the basement working on her literature worksheets. Earlier this afternoon she typed up an long, complex outline for her research paper. Tomorrow she has to take her weekly Latin quiz. If these outside requirements were not in place, it's possible we would get lazy and let things slide a bit. Thankfully, the teachers are very strict and will not accept late work or pitiful excuses.

 

I have to stay on top of things for her sake. She is very smart, but she's not highly motivated academically (her real love is ballet). I have to keep reminding, checking, discussing, grading. That's just the way things have to be for this particular child at this stage of her life.

 

I keep her working at or a year above grade level. Theoretically she could do harder work, but it would kill both of us. Ballet takes up many hours of her week and a great deal of her strength. Plus, I want her to work in a well-rounded way, not over-emphasizing any subject to the detriment of another subject.

 

Sorry to bore anyone ;), but that's life around here with an ADD, non-academically-oriented, 7th grader.

[Misty]

Wow, our girls could be twins! My daughter will be 13 this summer and she also has mild Asperger's and ADHD (and OCD).. She has major executive functioning issues and attentioin issues.. She would love to just read and draw all day. She is very advanced with the English language, reading, spelling, writing, etc.. She would be ready for full-time college if it weren't for math.. Her penmanship also stinks.. But there is no way she could do college-level courses simply because she lacks motivation and organization. I would have to be hovering over her constantly to make sure she is doing what she is supposed to be doing.. I already have to do that with homeschooling her. She is so obsessive and hyper-focused on certain topics that it's all she can think about.. She cannot stop thinking about them long enough to think about what she is supposed to be doing.

 

For math, is there any reason why she can't do the math lessons without you? What program is she using? I have the same executive functioning issues and I found myself not being consistent with some subjects so I went ahead and got Teaching Textbooks for my two oldest girls.. They are able to work independently now.. As long as I print them a "to do" list for each week or put it in their workboxes, they do it..

 

Anyway, we have the same issues here.. Extremely advanced, but disorganized, scatter-brained, immature, etc... Right now my daughter is doing neurofeedback/biofeedback and Interactive Metronome.. The IM has helped a lot with attention and working memory/executive functioning. Have you tried any supplements like Attend or anything like that?

 

Good luck!

[Misty]

I get so overwhelmed. I have to remind her to do everything from bathing, going to bed, to picking up her text books and clothes.

 

I think, in reality what ever level she worked at she just doesnt seem to be self motivated, responsible or organized.

 

Same here.. My daughter cannot remember to brush her teeth or hair or shower or anything.. She also cannot remember to pick up after herself and doesn't notice when library books are being ruined or something is spilled on her dresser, etc.

 

My daughter will always have executive functioning issues.. I still have them.. I have adapted and worked hard to fix a few issues I have.. But it is something I will always battle. I had a difficult time in college.. I started at age 17.. But I think I would have had an even tougher time at the age of 14.. I would expect that any Aspie in college at that age would need the constant help and guidance of a parent.. They just don't have the social or emotional skills..

 

Remember the 2/3 rule for Asperger's.. A child with Asperger's is emotionally and socially 2/3 of their actual age.. so a 9yr old child with Asperger's is more like a 6yr old.. My nearly 13 yr old daughter talks like she is 30, but she has the emotional maturity of a 9 year old. She still flaps her hands when she gets excited or upset.. But she reads and writes and talks like she is an adult.. It's very confusing!

[Laurie4b]

I've only got a couple minutes, but here are a couple things to think about:

 

Check out ADHD coaching. You can google it.

Cogmed software can improve working memory.

There is a book called something like Organization for ADHD or ADHD Friendly Organization. It has methods that work for folks with ADHD. (Most organizing books are written by people who are super organized themselves. They are helpful only to other people who lean in the direction of being organized. They are disaster for people with ADHD.)

There are watches you can get that can be set to vibrate several times a day to remind spacey folks what needs to be done.