Caregiving & POA issues

[PhunandFonics]

I'm hoping someone here has BTDT and can give me some advice!

 

At the beginning of the month my disabled uncle started having some major medical problems and has been hospitalized twice. Both times my dad (his POA) was out of state and I've been the only one here to help my uncle. My dad tells me that I have durable healthcare POA and to sign the paperwork as such. This makes sense to me because years ago I signed papers stating that I would do this, but it was so long ago I don't recall details.

 

Fast forward to today and I find out that I am *not* POA, only the alternate if my dad is unable or unwilling to fulfill his duties. Of course, my dad tells me to just keep acting like I'm POA because no one is going to give me a hard time as long as I act like I'm in charge! What??? I trusted what he told me. When I tried to talk about it further he just said I was being ridiculous and refused to talk about it further.

 

Am I am angry and hurt that he misled me and I don't want to get myself into a situation that I don't want to be in. I am very much a "follow the rules" kind of person and this just doesn't work for me.

 

Where do I go from here????

[Mrs Mungo]

You need the POA paperwork, just in case anyone questions you. If you are listed as an alternate and your father isn't in the state, I think that's probably fine. However, you need the paperwork that says that. He should mail it to you.

[Tap]

It sounds like you are fine, as long as your dad signs when he is there. If your dad isn't there to sign, you do.

[JoyfulMama]

Many hospitals, physician offices, etc require a copy of the DPOA to be on file. If your father is out of state, then, yes, he is unavailable, and you are in the right to carry out any responsibilities as DPOA. However, it would also be correct for you to step back and for your father to take on that responsibility when he is able. It would not be incorrect for you both to discuss things, however if your father is available, he should be the primary decision maker when your uncle isn't able to make those decisions for himself.

[PhunandFonics]

Thanks! I think I'll call the attorney's office in the morning and see if they can send me a copy. I just get stressed out that I'll upset the apple cart with my dad. He gets so bent out of shape about the smallest things. He figures no one will ever ask me otherwise and my dh is concerned that I'll get into legal issues, especially since my uncle has been seriously ill.

[littlebug42]

I was my Dad's healthcare POA and the one hospital he was in would not let me say anything for him without the paperwork. I had to have it with me at all times. The other hospital he was in when he died, asked who was the POA, I told them I was and that was it. They didn't give me any trouble. I would have a copy of the paperwork because I would hate to compromise your uncle's care if someone happens to ask for it and refuses to listen to you without it.