Why do I have DD in so many outside classes?

[Carol in Cal.]

Why?????

 

I have cut back a lot, but our best weeks and months are the ones where we have the fewest outside activities. Always.

 

I am so happy this week, and it's because our time is not chopped up into some of the classes that are out for spring break. Dd went to the beach this afternoon with another family, and I didn't think twice about letting her go because she is ahead in her work. Later this week we will host a book group at the office, and she will have all day Thursday to finish the book, make notes, write a paper comparing it with other information from the same time period, and generally immersing herself in it. That will be a great day for her; she loves that kind of thing.

 

I struggle with this so much.

 

DD is an only child, and her other homeschooling friends participate in these groups. She looks at them like an oasis of fun. But, really, when we have these weeks where they don't meet, she has more fun. But, she argues, and she may be right, she would not be included in these more informal plans if she was not participating in the longterm commitments with these same people. OTOH, maybe there are others like us. And, I hate and loathe choppy days. And, we invite people over whenever we can manage it, and while she has these regular commitments we cannot manage that without falling behind in her regular assignments.

 

Why am I posting this now? Because I was just thinking what a happy week this is, something I usually am too stressed to feel, and I got to thinking that I always feel this way when we have less 'outwardly' oriented weeks.

 

So what am I going to do about this?

 

I think that we are going to cut way back on summer camps this year. We need more of these magical weeks that we can define on our own terms.

 

During the school year, I don't know. I feel like I've really been pretty ruthless this year. I think I have cut back as far as I can. Drat it.

[Kelli in TN]

I know what you mean. I have put in notice that I will not be serving with our children's ministry or serving in 4H next year. That alone frees me up to skip Wednesday night church or skip a 4H meeting if I want to. I am also pulling my daughter out of ballet (Really, it's okay, she dances like a quarterback. Don't tell her I said that.) That will free up two days per week. I am sticking kids in YMCA swim and gym twice per week, and I will work out during their classes. This will free me from twice a week water aerobics and free them from evening swim classes. We will have two afternoons out per week, all going to the same place and since I am not a leader we will be free to skip if we wish.

 

Next year is going to be great!

[Alenee]

That would be my first question. Are you doing all this because she's an only child? Do you personally fill up the time so you don't have to deal with some issues that are painful? I'm a book junkie. I read so I don't have to think... I know others who are addicted to activities so they don't have to slow down and deal with real issues in their life...

 

If it's not working, don't do it. Pick what's important and let the rest go...

 

Just my 2 cents...

[Carol in Cal.]

That would be my first question. Are you doing all this because she's an only child? Do you personally fill up the time so you don't have to deal with some issues that are painful? I'm a book junkie. I read so I don't have to think... I know others who are addicted to activities so they don't have to slow down and deal with real issues in their life...

 

If it's not working, don't do it. Pick what's important and let the rest go...

 

Just my 2 cents...

 

 

I am motivated primarily by the fact that DD is an only child, and so I think that she needs to have opportunities created to know and be with other children. I don't find that park days and field trips work as well for that as some of these activities. And I also feel that the activites have inherent value.

 

DD is in upward basketball--which is finished for the spring now. She participates in a choral group, with the same teacher that she has had for almost 6 years, who she dearly loves. She has gotten to know a variety of children there, of various ages. It is a special community. They meet once a week after school hours. She goes to church and Sunday School, but we would be there anyway. We have been in a longterm coop doing Junior Great Books and art. This takes up Monday afternoons. She is taking an all day class once a week that has a social studies unit study approach to history, geography, art, writing, and a little math. This is a very lite class, but she is learning there. And we host a middle school book group that meets every 3-5 weeks.

 

I don't consider any of these to be core educational activities, though. I think that that is the problem. None of these are really at her level exactly, nor do they exactly fit in with the education that I want for her. But they are good social times that do have an educational component, and I especially value the art and music which we would never get to on our own in that much depth.

 

The truth is that I love teaching DD, and she likes to learn when we are more relaxed. And we can't relax when this schedule is going full blast. I was glad when I figured out that I was overcommitted last summer, and stopped signing up for little choppy things that added up to an insane schedule, like 1 hour science classes across town. The amount of churn for that was just way out of proportion with the amount of learning that happened. And this year, lo and behold, we are really doing a lot of science together; partly because I'm not spending all that time running around.

 

DD is terrified that she will lose all her friends if she doesn't hang out with them every week, and there is some truth to that possibility.

 

I don't know what the right thing to do is, but for now, I'm just happy to back off on the summer camp commitments and trying to pull back ahead so that we have more leeway next school year. (These classes only function during the school year.) Maybe I should stop with the routines and get to actual scheduling. Maybe I am trying to do too much more schooling than the classes during the school year. Maybe that is not reasonable. Hmmm.

[KarenNC]

I struggle with this as well. My daughter is also an only, and I am still trying to figure out how two introverts ended up with such an extravert! :) Luckily, she does get a lot in terms of friendships with park days, so that is helpful.

 

Hopefully next year we will be able to consolidate a bit more than we have this year. Looks like girl scouts will be folded into an afternoon of activities with our homeschool group and I am hoping that the Y will offer a back to back pe class and homeschool swim so that that isn't on different days. Another issue for me is to draw in a bit geographically, not run all over town for everything. We participate in a farm co-op arrangement (CSA) that for the last two years has meant a 40 minute round trip on Tuesday mornings to get veggies 30 weeks a year---this year she is going to deliver!!!!!

 

We also run into a problem with simply having enough family time. My husband has a 30-45 minute commute one way and has turned out to be working later in the day than was planned when we moved here (getting off at 5:30 or even 6 rather than 4:30). Add to that staying late to do aikido one evening a week (plus Saturday am with my daughter), church adding a Wednesday night activity we feel we need to support, church committee meetings in the evening (for one or the other of us) and occasionally working late either at the office or from home (like tonight), and sometimes we feel like we rarely see each other.

 

I have done as Kelli mentioned and am backing out of all committee responsibilities at church next year (will continue to do the newsletter, help with coffee on occasion, etc). I am trying to put more energy into working with our hs group to get the Monday afternoon activities going and trying to keep as much of that during the day as possible.

 

It is hard to balance all the things I want to do, need to do and feel like I ought to do.