High School for the only child

[elegantlion]

If you have done/are in the process of completing high school for an only child do you see any pros/cons compared to those with multiple children? I'm not sure if I have one particular question, but maybe looking for some wisdom on what you might do differently if you could or what you felt you did well.

 

We plan to homeschool through high school, possibly adding some CC classes if possible.

 

How important is having a group learning experience? My ds has some unique interests (not sports) and they tend to have him being around people of many different ages. Is there a benefit to having group dynamics being near his age for academic work?

 

Thanks.

[Hoggirl]

:bigear:

[Julie in MN]

If you have done/are in the process of completing high school for an only child do you see any pros/cons compared to those with multiple children? I'm not sure if I have one particular question, but maybe looking for some wisdom on what you might do differently if you could or what you felt you did well.

 

We plan to homeschool through high school, possibly adding some CC classes if possible.

 

How important is having a group learning experience? My ds has some unique interests (not sports) and they tend to have him being around people of many different ages. Is there a benefit to having group dynamics being near his age for academic work?

 

Interesting question. I hope you get some good replies, because I'll be listening, too :bigear:

 

I've "sort of" homeschooled onlies. I started homeschooling my dd in 10th grade, and her brothers were in public school. Now I'm homeschooling my youngest, and his siblings are grown and out of the house, so it's just him.

 

As for the masses of same-age peers, I can't see that they are essential to any person's life. Although, if your child really looks fondly at that idea, he may get his fill in a large co-op class or even a community college.

 

My dh does feel it's important for our kids to be in large group settings of some sort (not necessarily same-age). He wants them to learn how to get along in large groups. So he wants our ds to always participate in some outside setting. Many different experiences have come our way over the years, so this has not been a problem.

 

As far as the home setting, that's what I'm really interested in hearing about. That's what I'm agonizing about, I guess.

 

So many homeschoolers are looking for independent high school, and I'm just not sure about that. My older dd had just started homeschooling and needed much training, so independence wasn't a goal of mine back then. But now with my youngest, I don't want to keep him home from teachers and peer help, just to be in solitary confinement.

 

And really I don't see high schoolers as mature enough to see the important elements in an education, especially in worldviews, by just reading what an author wrote in a book -- even a good book that I learn lots from, myself. At convention and at homeschool events in our area, I try to chat with homeschooled teens. I see many positive qualities, but I don't really see them seeking out worldviews, apologetics, or even educational depth. They're just kids. I don't want my ds to be overwhelmed in college when he runs into strong personalities in-his-face (rather than in books). Maybe I should spend more time in reading things *together* and engaging him in Socratic dialogue? Or maybe he isn't really interested at that level yet...

 

There are many reasons to seek independence, too -- the child may like some space, he may blossom, he may become well prepared for college independence, etc.

 

I'm very torn on this. I know what program I want to use, but how to use it? I'm hoping to read some food for thought here!

Julie

[Sharon in MD]

I do hear what each of you are saying and asking as I shared many of those same concerns.

 

I do think it is important for older teens to be involved in larger group settings, with their peers as well as in the mixed age type of groups. One of things that I think is unique about most homeschooled children is their ability to relate well with people on various age levels. My son can happily converse with little kids and seniors as well as his peers. That said however, I think that it is important that they hang out with groups of kids their own age....not necessarily huge groups, but learning to be part of a peer group in terms of age is important as well as peer groups by interest. We solved this problem by having him be involved in his church youth group and a dance team. In our particular case, our church youth group is enormous so he got used to crowds of kids his age as well, but I don't see that as necessary, just a benefit.

 

We were part of a homeschool academy where he went to classes once a weeks. He took only a few courses there, but it gave him a taste of classroom settings, taking notes from a lecture, participating in group discussions and so on, in a friendly, supportive environment. We believe, from talking with him, that these things helped him with the transition to college. It had always been our intention to add a couple CC courses, but when the time came, it just didn't fit our families schedule and since we did have the academy at our disposal, we just let that one slide. But I think it would have been a great alternative.

 

As for the question about worldviews and apologetic and other deeper level discussions, I didn't really see this surface much with my teen until his Jr. and Sr. years. I think that a lot of that is a maturity issue. Even then, I'd say it was much stronger in the Sr. year. I do think it is important to engage them in Socratic dialog...or just plain old "what do you think about that" and then take a Devil's advocate position or help them to learn to think through a defense of what they believe. We also have encouraged our son to say some thing like this if he is not sure how to defend on the spot...if he is challenged..."You know, I don't agree with that, it seems wrong to me, but I'm going to have to take some time to think that through and then I'll be happy to go over my reasoning with you." It can buy you time..I know I need to do this myself because I am not swift on my feet in a debate.

 

I hope some of this helps....I'll be glad to post more should anyone have particular followup questions.

 

I think the only thing I would do differently is that I would have made the second year of chemistry lab happen...we did rather let that one slip.

 

HTH

[Julie in MN]

So Sharon, how much time at home did your son spend learning all by himself (in a quiet house, with him being the only student...)? How much time did you do hands-on teaching in high school because of him being all alone? And were you happy with the balance you chose?

 

Julie

P.S. I hope this is helpful to the OP and I'm not a thread-stealer?!

[elegantlion]

No threat of thread-stealing, I'd love this to be an open dialogue for all. Julie, I have the same feeling about independent work. For this child in particular I'm not sure he'll ever work totally independently. Which is fine, I'm enjoying teaching and learning and we have some great discussions.

 

Sharon, thanks for your wisdom, that does help. We're not sure where we will live during his high school years, I hope we have some options for CC or co-op classes mainly for the classroom setting experience. We'll have some unique opportunities with work, but I do want him to have some group academic experience.

 

Thanks for the tip on the chem lab too, I'm actually excited about trying to create a decent lab experience for him at home.

[Cedarmom]

Overall, it has been a great experience. For my son I think it helped literature discussions. If he had been in a group, he would have just been silent. Since it was just him, he was forced to participate in the discussion. I probably had to help more on some things more than if he had a sibling. Often he just needs to talk out an anwer and since I'm the only one to talk to I end up helping. Its not so much as helping as listening, and sometimes has led to good discussions.

 

I did make him join debate partly because I did want him to have expereinces with working with others. He also takes 1 or 2 community college classes a semester. For him this has provided enough group interaction with his schooling. We seem to have a good balance of just us vs outside things with others.

[Ruth in Canada]

At the moment he doesn't get enough of our time (because we're juggling two kids) so I'm looking forward to having a lot more time available just for him.

 

I'm not convinced that group academic experiences with same-age peers is all that important--and when siblings are separated by a number of years, they don't get that at home either. (I suppose they do learn that they can't constantly be the centre of attention when there's more than one sibling.

 

I do think that group experiences are important. My kids get those through high-commitment choirs, casual sports, church, theatre, etc. Some groups are more have a 4 or 5 year age span, others are mixed kid/adults. I like the wide age spans--when our kids are the youngest, they have role models. When they are among the oldest, they have an opportunity to be leaders.

 

DD (oldest) has just started university courses. (We don't have a CC option here.) It worked out well in that her first course was academically easy but gave her lots of opportunities to get used to a different learning environment. It was an easy transition and she's looking forward to the next class.

[Jane in NC]

Let me first note that our homeschooling experience did not begin until 7th grade. It had been my hope that my son would find peers via a co-op at that time, but it was not to be. So instead we pursued some "team" opportunities. Envirothon, for example, gave him the chance to work not only in a group situation, but also provided a social outlet.

 

As the years passed it became clear that the few people we knew who chose to homeschool through high school followed a different philosophical path than that which we had adopted. No one we knew studied Latin. Everyone else used Saxon math and Apologia Science, neither of which we selected for high school. Like it or not, we were on our own.

 

My son's only "group" experiences in 9th grade were Envirothon, FIRST Lego League (which one can do until age 14), and ice hockey. He went skiing with 4-Hers. In 10th, he continued with Envirothon and ice hockey and also took two weekend courses at Duke in their TIP scholars program (Dystopian Literature and Neural Science). He really enjoyed this program and enrolled in one other weekend course his junior year. I think one of the great things about the Duke program is that it draws other smart kids with whom he could have interesting conversations not only during class time but at the motel and while eating meals.

 

Hockey provided great physical exercise and locker room lessons of a terribly different sort. :tongue_smilie:

 

One thing that I should note is that we spend part of our summer in a community that draws scientists from around the world. Summer is a very rich and wonderful time not only for interesting lectures, documentaries and heated dinner table discussions, but a time when my son associates with a number of like-minded peers. After a very social summer, my son does not mind quieter months with less social interaction.

 

My son utilized courses at the CC for three semesters. Initially I wanted him there for Chemistry because it is one course I felt that I could not do at home. (Please note: I felt that I could not do this. Other home educators do a great job with chemistry. This was my issue.) During his second semester when he took English 111 with a very demanding instructor, I expressed some regrets that I had been a stubborn old goat who had failed to utilize one of the online writing courses mentioned on this board. If I had to do it again, I would have contracted with an online writing program from the get-go. Live and learn... But, having said that, the "group" experience aspect of the community college English courses was less than delightful. He rarely gleaned anything of value from the peer reviews in this course.

 

Teaching Company lectures were an important part of our homeschool because I do not have enough hours in the day to prep everything. Nor do I expect my son to figure out everything on his own. Family trips with literature lectures were great conversation starters. My husband and I would often read the same Great Books as our son so that he was not working in isolation.

 

Everyone is different. Some students really enjoy brainstorming and working with others--some prefer individual work. My son enjoys the former when his fellow students are motivated. He found lab partners at the community college with whom he could also study. But he despised having the group selected for him in other classes that required a group project. I suppose that the experience is an accurate reflection of the "real world" in which one cannot always choice one's team, but there are times when I questioned time utilization.

 

Boy, have I rambled!

Jane

[elegantlion]

Overall, it has been a great experience. For my son I think it helped literature discussions. If he had been in a group, he would have just been silent. Since it was just him, he was forced to participate in the discussion..

 

This is one of my concerns with my son who enjoys listening more in a group setting. At home he's never short of an opinion.

 

I suppose they do learn that they can't constantly be the centre of attention when there's more than one sibling.

 

 

DD (oldest) has just started university courses. (We don't have a CC option here.) It worked out well in that her first course was academically easy but gave her lots of opportunities to get used to a different learning environment. It was an easy transition and she's looking forward to the next class.

 

When he was younger I would continue to remind ds that the Earth rotated around the Sun not the son (him). :D

 

The transition to college is one of the areas I want to help ds prepare.

 

As the years passed it became clear that the few people we knew who chose to homeschool through high school followed a different philosophical path than that which we had adopted. No one we knew studied Latin. Everyone else used Saxon math and Apologia Science, neither of which we selected for high school. Like it or not, we were on our own.

 

One thing that I should note is that we spend part of our summer in a community that draws scientists from around the world. Summer is a very rich and wonderful time not only for interesting lectures, documentaries and heated dinner table discussions, but a time when my son associates with a number of like-minded peers. After a very social summer, my son does not mind quieter months with less social interaction.

 

Teaching Company lectures were an important part of our homeschool because I do not have enough hours in the day to prep everything. Nor do I expect my son to figure out everything on his own. Family trips with literature lectures were great conversation starters. My husband and I would often read the same Great Books as our son so that he was not working in isolation.

 

 

 

 

I am also concerned about finding like minded homeschoolers. We plan to move soon and so I'm not even sure where we'll end up.

 

Your summers sound wonderful!

 

I do plan on reading along or ahead of my son. He's not an avid reader but he enjoys being read to. When he was very young and we had a real conversation I remember being thrilled to be chatting with someone whom I had helped create. I hope we will have some great deep discussions in high school.

 

Thank you for bringing up the Teaching Company videos. I tend to think I can do it all and forget that even if I could there is a time issue.

 

I truly appreciate everyone's viewpoint. Thank you.

[Sharon in MD]

So Sharon, how much time at home did your son spend learning all by himself (in a quiet house, with him being the only student...)? How much time did you do hands-on teaching in high school because of him being all alone? And were you happy with the balance you chose?

 

Julie

P.S. I hope this is helpful to the OP and I'm not a thread-stealer?!

 

It changed for us over the course of high school. For example, I was far more involved in "doing" school with him as a freshman than as a senior. Our days were longer than I think they should have been because he was always a dawdler. I would expect to spend 1 hour per day for each subject credit though. Which for us meant at least 8 hour days. I kept up with him in math through most of precalculus so I could help him. I also kept up with science through physics. I did not keep up with him on that for his senior year in Apologia Advanced Chem. We also always did Bible and History together. I taught co-op kind of physics with several families, so that was very hands on and I also had other kids do labs here for Chem I. So I guess the answer is that I was very hands on for the majority of it, but that was my choice, I wanted it that way.

 

During his senior year and a little of the second half of jr year, I shifted a bit more into college counselor mode. I did tons of research on programs and scholarships etc.

 

If I were to change anything, I would have spent a bit more time with him that last year, I feel like I missed a bit of it by not doing the Chem labs and not staying up on all the history reading....but I couldn't really have done it differently and managed to do all the college stuff.

 

Does that help?

[Julie in MN]

If I were to change anything, I would have spent a bit more time with him that last year,

 

That sums it up. That's precious to me. It sounds like he's doing fine in college even though you didn't have him working all alone in high school. Thanks, Sharon.