Can we talk modesty

[jillian]

So can we talk "modesty"...what does it mean to you for you? for your kiddos? how about in the realm of dressing? acting/behaviors? talking/conversational topics? I am desperate to get me (mainly) and dd more modest when we are out of the house. I have read "Dressing With Dignity" before in the past and it really spoke to me but I dunno how to get us more modest with such a tight budget. For DD she does have a lot of pants but they are all loose in the legs (tight on the butt but she's cloth diapered so that's why). For shirts I make sure nothing she wears makes her look like she's got a chest starting and that it covers her belly if she raises her arms.

 

We are pretty nude friendly at home though...dd and I still bathe together (she's 2 and begs to get in with me in the shower or bath). DD also enjoys greatly running around nude after a shower/bath (in the morning/afternoon) and before her nighttime routine starts. I also have no qualms about walking around nude if I forget something before a shower/bath or am getting dressed and forgot something. DH is rarely EVER nude unless he's getting dressed, we are being a married couple or he's bathing but he has no qualms about us being nude in the house.

[Alenee]

You sound a lot like we were in the beginning, before dds became old enough to make a distinction. If it helps, we are very modest about walking around the house now. The girls are 10, 7, and 5. I occasionally can be seen in my bra as I run through looking for a clean shirt but that's about as far as it goes. I also have three girls so it's not as big a deal to me as it would be if we had boys.

 

For clothing outside the home (and inside) we do not allow any dresses that go too far above the knee, maybe an inch, but no higher and always with tights. We also only wear shirts that cover bellies when arms are raised. Nothing too tight. If shorts, bermuda style.

 

We are not your old stereotypical dress-only homeschoolers but I think we are modest because it comes not just from our clothing but in the way we carry ourselves. When it comes down to the argument about what a man can be tempted to in his thought-life, I just have to counter that with: no matter what, if a guy is going to be tempted, he can just as well imagine a woman's body with a dress on as he can with pants. We do our best to keep covered and we feel good about our choices.

[jillian]

You sound a lot like we were in the beginning, before dds became old enough to make a distinction. If it helps, we are very modest about walking around the house now. The girls are 10, 7, and 5. I occasionally can be seen in my bra as I run through looking for a clean shirt but that's about as far as it goes. I also have three girls so it's not as big a deal to me as it would be if we had boys.

 

For clothing outside the home (and inside) we do not allow any dresses that go too far above the knee, maybe an inch, but no higher and always with tights. We also only wear shirts that cover bellies when arms are raised. Nothing too tight. If shorts, bermuda style.

 

We are not your old stereotypical dress-only homeschoolers but I think we are modest because it comes not just from our clothing but in the way we carry ourselves. When it comes down to the argument about what a man can be tempted to in his thought-life, I just have to counter that with: no matter what, if a guy is going to be tempted, he can just as well imagine a woman's body with a dress on as he can with pants. We do our best to keep covered and we feel good about our choices.

:) Thanks for the quick response. You sound how I strive for us to be...though I do love the feeling of air drying :lol:. I agree very much with the end that a man will be tempted or not. I have tried the long skirt only thing and while I loved it I couldn't find any that were easy care and that fit right. Yeah we only have dd right now so I dunno how it will be if we have a boy ever. As a child I couldn't be bribed to keep clothes on and dd seems to be that way too...she loves being naked and we are starting to potty learn so nakedness helps.

[ubermomto5]

to me modesty in young children is more about what is appropriate where. when they are 8 is about when they start to care about being naked in front of other family members and i think that is about right. a 2 year old knows not to take his pants/diaper off in public without understanding why and that we *usually* wear clothes around the house. i have 2 older girls and modesty for them is about what clothes we choose to buy. i would say 85% of their wardrobe comes from the thrift, we are just picky as anyone would be. no sleeveless tops, short shorts or skirts, and no belly showing. but at ages 12 and 10 they would not be comfortable wearing those things either. i do not wear long skirts and sleeves and consider myself a 'stylish' person but i am very modest as well. it is a fact of life that women have curves and i don't try to obscure them but as my daughters get older we have to be careful about the fit of pants not being too tight. as the mother of 3 boys also, still 8 and under, i am very aware of the world surrounding us and would like to protect them as much as possible from temptations in the future. you may say what you like about a grown man making decisions, but if a teenager is surrounded constantly by low cut shirts and mini skirts, it would be hard to train his mind to better things. i intend for me and my daughters never to appear in a manner that would make a young man uncomfortable. it is easy enough.

[jillian]

to me modesty in young children is more about what is appropriate where. when they are 8 is about when they start to care about being naked in front of other family members and i think that is about right. a 2 year old knows not to take his pants/diaper off in public without understanding why and that we *usually* wear clothes around the house. i have 2 older girls and modesty for them is about what clothes we choose to buy. i would say 85% of their wardrobe comes from the thrift, we are just picky as anyone would be. no sleeveless tops, short shorts or skirts, and no belly showing. but at ages 12 and 10 they would not be comfortable wearing those things either. i do not wear long skirts and sleeves and consider myself a 'stylish' person but i am very modest as well. it is a fact of life that women have curves and i don't try to obscure them but as my daughters get older we have to be careful about the fit of pants not being too tight. as the mother of 3 boys also, still 8 and under, i am very aware of the world surrounding us and would like to protect them as much as possible from temptations in the future. you may say what you like about a grown man making decisions, but if a teenager is surrounded constantly by low cut shirts and mini skirts, it would be hard to train his mind to better things. i intend for me and my daughters never to appear in a manner that would make a young man uncomfortable. it is easy enough.

i too agree that a teen is different than a man. i think of a teen as anyone up through 25...after that most people start acting more adult like (not all but most) ime. yeah dd never strips nude in public.

 

i guess my issue comes from i want dd to have healthy body image and healthy self esteem about her body but i don't want her to think she has to flaunt it (kwim? ); it seems like a catch 22 and i dunno how to go about it. i let her be naked now if she wants to be and dressed if she wants to be...she keeps clothes on if she's dressed already (most of the time unless she knows bath time is coming) and will get dressed if i tell her it's time to get dressed.

 

i to want dd to dress in a manner that attracts others to her being--her mind, articulation, etc instead of what goodies they might be able to glimpse as she bends over

[ubermomto5]

in my experience the answer there is to provide opportunities to feel proud of what her body can do rather than its appearance. my girls have been in ballet for about 7 years and they are much more confident and comfortable with their bodies than i was at that age.

[jillian]

in my experience the answer there is to provide opportunities to feel proud of what her body can do rather than its appearance. my girls have been in ballet for about 7 years and they are much more confident and comfortable with their bodies than i was at that age.

thank you :) I am always searching for ways to make her a happy, healthy, confident woman. I suffered from disordered eating (subclinical) for years, and still have issues with my body. I am also trying to set a good example for her by not flaunting my body, not allowing her to watch immodesty on tv or the computer (helps that we don't have cable anymore yay :)) and really trying to censor the content that she comes in contact with. I do NOT want her to have my issues in any way

[sunshine]

Modesty is not only in our dress but in our actions. I know some young ladies in our homeschool group that can be covered up and be the sexiest girl in the room. It is in your presence. I teach my girls to be careful of their clothes and their actions. I don't use the "lest you make your brother stumble" argument for modesty, I tell them that how you compose and dress yourself is how you will be perceived and subsequently treated. If you have a young lady who is dressed in tight, low cut clothes next to a neatly dressed self composed young lady you will see them treated differently. One with more respect given than the other. It may not be fair but it happens almost without fail. I have tested this theory repeatedly by observing our youth group, church group, homeschool group, public school and the hospital I worked at for a while. It is not only in young people. It is ageless. I point out to my girls different outfits when we are in public and ask then how they feel about that outfit. Sometimes I will even say I like some immodest, but cute stuff but I would be uncomfortable in it. In the end, they will choose their wardrobe when they are grown and I want them to think about what they wear and make their own decisions. I hope it will be modesty, but they may venture out. Right now my 7 year old wants all flashy and stylish stuff and my 10 year old wants to be a Duggar! :lol:

[Peela]

I found that as the children got older, we needed to protect them with some rules like not playing nude in the front yard or in public, generally (although the beach was fine for quite a while)- but that was not to develop a sense of shame in them about their bodies- only to protect them from unwanted attention.

Dh and I have no problem with nudity, with our bodies, and we feel it is only a cultural and learned shame that anyone would feel that there is any problem with nudity. However, we live in a society that has huge issues with it, so we act accordingly around others.

Our kids have found their own way with that and learned to cover up once they approached puberty. We didn't teach them to do that- they did it themselves and we respect it.

My own feeling is that its only a big deal if you make it so.

[Lovedtodeath]

:iagree:Nudity has very little to do with modesty. One can be modest and practice modesty, but still feel comfortable in a state of undress when it is appropriate to the occasion. (locker room, sauna, massage therapy, immediate family, etc.)

 

These seem to go along with what the OP is thinking about: One thing that I have had to point out to DD is that she cannot move freely in a dress without flashing her panties. Another is that she cannot run around naked after a shower if her teenage cousins are over.

[jillian]

:iagree:Nudity has very little to do with modesty. One can be modest and practice modesty, but still feel comfortable in a state of undress when it is appropriate to the occasion. (locker room, sauna, massage therapy, immediate family, etc.)

 

These seem to go along with what the OP is thinking about: One thing that I have had to point out to DD is that she cannot move freely in a dress without flashing her panties. Another is that she cannot run around naked after a shower if her teenage cousins are over.

yes that is sort of where i was going with it. i am still comfortable in various states of undress around my grandmother (raised me and we are EXTREMELY close) and some of my very close friends (friends i've known since elementary school).