For those that stay home at Christmas

[LibraryLover]

We have a lot of time at home together, so we do like to gather with friends and family at holidays. My kids look forward to the cousins and young friends. A few years ago we asked the children what they enjoyed most about Christmas. Their answers were: getting and decorating the tree, having hot chocolate, baking cookies and making gingerbread houses, having friends and family over.

 

So. We keep Christmas morning and the early afternoon to ourselves , but we have an Open House from 3 to about 11. We do not limit our gatherings to family/blood ties. Invite friends! I think it's best to mix it up. I've seen a couple of my relatives be on their best behavior when they know 'outside' eyes are upon them.

Edited November 30, 2009 by LibraryLover

[LibrarianMom]

When my husband and I were first married, we told both of our parents that Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning we would always be at home. Since then we have had kids and adjusted our traditions a bit. We decided to de-emphasize Santa and it was easier to do that by opening presents throughout the 12 days of Christmas. So we just do stockings on Christmas morning. More recently, my widowed father-in-law has taken to spending Christmas Eve with us and then the kids open presents from him on Christmas morning. Since they are the only grand kids, he always goes way overboard which seems to make up for not doing Santa.

[AuntieM]

More recently, my widowed father-in-law has taken to spending Christmas Eve with us and then the kids open presents from him on Christmas morning.

 

This is really sweet. I can only imagine how much this means to him. Your children will cherish the memory. As will your husband, no doubt.

[Avila]

I've been thinking about this all day today. I know I posted before in reply, but I wanted to add another dimension. It is SO ingrained in our culture to spend this time with large family gatherings. All of the movies, the cards, the commercials, all of them show these big happy family gatherings.

 

I think the *default* in our culture is still to spend these days with extended family.

 

That being said, if someone expresses that they have broken away from that model, that usually takes a huge act of courage--a revolutionary act, even. It is usually not a step taken lightly or for selfish reasons, and it usually was a last resort after years of trying lots of different things. Selfishness is different from *self-preservation,* of an individual or a family. If this kind of boundary needs to be set, the person setting it usually faces tremendous pressure, guilt, obligation, and even punishment from the boundary-crashers.

 

Please don't heap on additional guilt when people have HAD to take this step. It's hard enough as it is. To echo another poster, Yes, It Can Be That Bad. And if it is, it's hard to hear this kind of thing from people who don't understand. Be very thankful that you can't understand. And be flexible grandparents who value your grown children's nuclear family as you wanted yours to be valued.

:iagree:Thank you! Very well said.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

When I was a kid, my single aunt and my grandparents would always come over on Christmas day, but my mom would not let them come in the morning. She made them wait until the afternoon so that we had time to do our family thing and open presents and play with our stuff. They always asked to come and watch us open our presents, and my mom always said no, and quite frankly, I'm glad for it. It would have been way too chaotic with 5 kids opening presents and the extra people in our small living room!

 

My dh is Jewish, and most of my siblings live out of town. My brother spends Christmas with his wife's family. My mom lives by herself, so she usually sleeps over on Christmas Eve and is here when we open presents in the morning. Santa even brings her some presents and fills a stocking for her. For me, it's nice to have another adult here who appreciates Christmas because dh just doesn't get it! :tongue_smilie:

 

Thanksgiving is usually the difficult holiday for us, because EVERYONE wants us to come for dinner- my mom, my aunt, dh's mom, dh's stepmom, etc. For the first few years of our marriage, we left town and took a mini-vacation during Thanksgiving so that we wouldn't have to deal with it- cowards, I know. This year, I just told everyone that our little nuclear family needed time to be together by ourselves, and we were just staying home by ourselves. We did get some flack, but it wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated. I do agree that you need to do what is best for you and your kids, or you will just have stressful memories of Christmas, instead of the fun and peaceful memories you should have.

[katemary63]

I also disliked spending so much time shopping and having every person tearing into their gifts at the same time and everything being over in like 10 minutes and not knowing what anyone got! Drives me nuts! When I grew up, we each opened a gift, one at a time, and there was oohing and ahhing and thanks-you's and hugs.

 

QUOTE]

 

:iagree: This is what we do.

[Tess in the Burbs]

early on we had an incident with the inlaws about the holiday(it's my son's bday as well) that made us throw up a wall about Christmas.

 

when we moved back east we basically said we don't travel either holiday. People are welcome at our place but we don't travel. It's irritating to the inlaws. we last went down there in early Dec in 2005. we are going this year the week before....somehow the grandma talked dh into it. It shocked me but I am trying to bite my tongue and go without incident.

 

now my mom always shows up on Christmas morning. For us it's our son's bday. We do Christmas on Christmas eve. I have a birthday a week after CHristmas and got the raw end of the deal as a child so I am makings ure his bday is as special as my other child. He gets his dad home on his bday! :-)

 

anyway, they may comment or not like our choice but it's been good so far standing out ground. and I know our holiday traditions will be more firm from not traveling.