OhM Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 We were pretty excited to meet new baby Andy at church yesterday! The family has an open adoption arrrangement with another family at church (grandparents attend; mom is in Air Force stationed out of state.) We'll be sending a card to the new (adoptive) parents, but I'm wondering if it would be appropriate to send a card to (birth-)mom and grandparents also, and if so, if someone could suggest an appropriate wording? (I'm lousy but can get by at run of the mill occasions; this would require more delicacy than I possess!) I'm just so excited for the families - and know that this little guy will bring a lot of joy to so many people! I'm hoping to express that correctly. TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 That's so thoughtful of you. If I were in your shoes, I'd send a little letter -- not a card -- to the birth mother to say hello. She may be lonely stationed out of state, and especially right now. It would be good for her to know how things are going back home. You might want to touch *very lightly* on the subject of the new baby, but not say too much. She needs to be looking forward, toward her own future. It would be even more thoughtful for you to keep this girl in your prayers and write to her every month or so. Over the years many, many people have made thoughtful gestures to me, and even though I didn't always acknowledge or reciprocate at the time, I have *never* forgotten a single gesture. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 By all means send a card to the adopting family ~ but I would definitely ask them first before sending anything to the bio family. I know of a similar situation, when certain people took it upon themselves to establish a relationship with an adopted child's birth family without permission from the adoptive family, and it caused a lot of hard feelings. So I would definitely ask them what they thought would be appropriate. Also, you don't know what the bio-mom's real feelings are about the adoption. She may be devastated, she may have been talked into giving up the child by the grandparents, and a letter of congratulations or celebration might be painful for her. Personally (and I say this as an adoptive parent myself), I would send a card to the adoptive family and just tell the bio-grandparents, who are in your church, what you said in your post: "I know this little guy will bring so much joy to so many people." I would not contact the bio-mom. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I would not send a card to the birth mom or grandparents. But I would reach out to them just to get to know them better or to support them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhM Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 I would not send a card to the birth mom or grandparents. But I would reach out to them just to get to know them better or to support them. Thanks for all the advice so far - and just wanted to clarify: We've been "friendly acquaintances" of both the adoptive and bio. families for 5+ years now. We met Andy this week with his new family, but last week, we met him with his bio family (we know now that mom was in town to finalize the adoption - that wasn't common knowledge last week.) I really appreciate the comments of all of you who have "been there"! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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