Do you know this phrase? "Neither a bollower nor a lender be."

[battlemaiden]

Ack! *BORROWER*

 

[Warning: Pre-coffee spelling]

 

I grew up with that phrase. My parents were very careful about borrowing. They felt it was putting a relationship at risk to borrow something just in case it got damaged while in your possession.

 

As I've become an adult my philosophy has been different. I feel if I'm asked to lend something I should do it freely. Afterall, possessions are just things and I shouldn't hold on to them too tightly.

 

But in the past few years I've grown to see the wisdom of the phrase, "neither a borrower nor a lender be." We have so often lent something that has been returned in poor condition, scratched, dented, or not returned at all. I still realize that I shouldn't hold on to these possessions too tightly, but I have to admit, it does put a strain on relationships.

 

I hardly ever borrow. And if I do, I try to return the item in same or better condition. If it is more than a teaspoon or two of food, I replace it with more. It just keeps my friendships safe and unburdened.

 

I would like to know your thoughts. I hope I don't sound too hard. I just received our vehicle back after letting a family borrow it for a couple of weeks prior to moving off island. I was happy it worked out that my husband would be at sea when they needed it and that we would be able to save them oodles of money, but it has huge scratch marks on the side now and I'm left trying to let it roll off my back.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Jo

Edited September 2, 2009 by battlemaiden

[Dirtroad]

It is a safety phrase. No risks, no losses. Can be wise & can be selfish... depending.

 

I believe it is better to borrow than go buy something you need for 1 day. Wasteful use of $$. I also think it is okay to borrow something like a book to preview for school use. BUT RETURN IT or the word will get out that you are not dependable. I always believe that if your BREAK it... then you are obligated to buy a replacement immediately. Not everyone does.

 

I also believe you can lend when you can to help someone in a bad time or fix. Give away the cup of sugar or eggs (maybe double it, if you know their true need)... or $10... but loan the rake or book. Big things like a mower.... lend the mower & your service (then it is in good condition).;)

 

Also, don't lend again & again (some people just mooch & are irresponsible, don't enable them)... and if they dont' take care.. don't lend again (teach them accountability & responsibility or try anyway).

 

I heard Johnny Cash sing something like... I ain't done nothing for nobody & nobody's done nothing for me! Not a very good way to live.

[gardening momma]

I had to look it up, out of curiosity, to see where the phrase came from:

 

From Shakespeare's Hamlet, 1603:

LORD POLONIUS:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

[Carol in Cal.]

It's advice from a mentor (maybe a father, but I can't remember) to a young man who is going abroad.

 

Anyway, relevance...

 

I think that we are called as Christians to hold our possessions lightly, in open hands. But I also think that we should be wise about whether we are going to mess up a relationship by taking a particular action, and reasonable with ourselves if we know that are not quite to the 'open hands' point with a particular thing.

 

I would find it much easier to loan money and maybe never get it back than to loan a car--but for me, a car is something that I rarely buy, that I keep for many years, and that has to work properly all the time or my life pretty much falls apart on me.

 

I like giving away books and curriculum, but not loaning them out.

 

I loaned a book I really liked to a friend of mine once. He dropped it into some water or put it down on a wet counter and left it there for a long time or something like that. So he went and bought me a replacement copy. But then he failed to give it to me for a long time, and by the time he did, it, too, was pretty battered. When he gave it to me, he volunteered that he had already bought a replacement copy and that he wasn't going to do it again. I had not asked him to do so, but either way, I was getting a book back that was in bad shape, which I thought was pretty lame.

 

I think that it's great to bless people but that giving instead of loaning is the way to go, because if you loan something half the time you end up giving it actually. So that's what to think through before you do it--would I do this if I knew I would not get it back? If you're OK with that, then do it. If not, think twice. That way, if you do get it back, it's just gravy and you can loan it to someone else.

[DarlaS]

I don't usually borrow things unless it's library books. If I need something done on our property with equipment we don't own, we rent the necessary tools or hire the job done. If I did have someone offer to loan me something I could use, I'd borrow it with the understanding that I would return it in the same condition it was. IOW, if I scratched your car, I'd pay to have it repaired.

 

As for lending; I have a simple rule: I do not lend anything I need or can't afford to lose. I'd lend a book I've already read for instance, but not my car.

 

Have they said anything about the scratch marks?

[battlemaiden]

It is a safety phrase. No risks, no losses. Can be wise & can be selfish... depending.

 

I believe it is better to borrow than go buy something you need for 1 day. Wasteful use of $$. I also think it is okay to borrow something like a book to preview for school use. BUT RETURN IT or the word will get out that you are not dependable. I always believe that if your BREAK it... then you are obligated to buy a replacement immediately. Not everyone does.

 

I also believe you can lend when you can to help someone in a bad time or fix. Give away the cup of sugar or eggs (maybe double it, if you know their true need)... or $10... but loan the rake or book. Big things like a mower.... lend the mower & your service (then it is in good condition).;)

 

Also, don't lend again & again (some people just mooch & are irresponsible, don't enable them)... and if they dont' take care.. don't lend again (teach them accountability & responsibility or try anyway).

 

I heard Johnny Cash sing something like... I ain't done nothing for nobody & nobody's done nothing for me! Not a very good way to live.

 

This is exactly why I wanted to discuss this topic. I don't live safely in a general sense. And giving stuff away doesn't bother me at all. Giving in general doesn't bother me. I wouldn't expect the cup of sugar, eggs, or lemon to be returned at all. But the tent, the lawn mower, weed trimmer, automobile, book, etc....

 

I also think too much borrowing from a neighbor puts a strain. Just like setting foot too much through their door would put a strain even if you were very close. There are boundaries, and like you said they are fluid.

[battlemaiden]

Have they said anything about the scratch marks?

 

Not a word. They have young children, and I suspect if they noticed they would think it is just what little kids do. They look like fingernail marks down the side of the car- kind of like Freddy Kruger was there. Oh well. It isn't a functional problem.

[Happy]

We've just borrowed a pickup from a friend for a week and a half. It's an extra vehicle for his family and he calls it a blessing to be able to loan it out. Borrowing it has been a huge blessing for us! Big bucks saved. We will write a heartfelt thank you and add a gift card for a meal out when we return it. (With a full gas tank and freshly washed!)

 

If I borrow something it goes back in the same or better shape than I got it. I borrowed a wheelbarrow from a neighbor some years ago. The tire was in bad shape and went completely bad under my care. Yep, we spent the twenty bucks to fix it before returning.

 

The person who returned your vehicle with scratches should be doing something to either fix it or make some restitution to you.

[battlemaiden]

I had to look it up, out of curiosity, to see where the phrase came from:

 

From Shakespeare's Hamlet, 1603:

LORD POLONIUS:

Neither a borrower nor a lender be;

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

 

Thank you! I never knew that. I wonder if my mom knew. :tongue_smilie:

[DarlaS]

The person who returned your vehicle with scratches should be doing something to either fix it or make some restitution to you.

:iagree:

 

Maybe someone keyed it. I'd be mortified to return a scratched car to someone--even if I wasn't the one to scratch it. Yikes!

 

Does it look like it might buff out? If it's scratched to bare metal, it will need touch up paint at least or it will rust.

[st_claire]

They should pay.

 

When my parents lend me their car, I return it with a full tank of gas and I offer to take it to the mechanic if they need anything done (and if it isn't much money I pay for the work too).

 

It's a nice way of saying thanks.

[Orthodox6]

DH and I long have heard/read counsel that one should lend an item, prepared in advance never to receive it back. That applies to money as well as to other concrete items.

 

My spirit sometimes is not so forgiving, though. We have lost (er, lent) some expensive books which never returned home. Currently, I have a $20,000 viola out on long-term loan to a good friend who plays professionally. Makes me very nervous, because I can't afford insurance for this instrument.

 

Although we have lent our van on a couple of occasions, I do feel nervous about lending a vehicle. Too many dangers. The referenced scratches, for example, well may have been inflicted by someone unrelated to the family that borrowed the car. (Think parking lot "bang-and-run" jobs.)

 

I suppose that, were it my car, I would ask the borrowers if they could tell me the circumstances of the scratches. This gives them the opportunity to offer, of their own free will, payment for repairs. If they should not offer to help in some way, I have no further suggestion. (because I know neither them nor OP)

 

Very sorry that happened to you !

[Heather in WI]

As Christians, we are called to, "Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. " (Matthew 5:42)

 

But, also, the scriptures tell us, "“If a man borrows anything of his neighbor, and it is injured or dies, the owner not being with it, he shall make full restitution." (Exodus 22:14)

 

I would hope that they would volunteer to pay for the damages.