Any experience with hoarders?

[Peek a Boo]

I am seeing that many people have this problem but no one has posted with any resolution. Is there any hope for people dealing with this to the point that that there is no where to sit or walk in a house?

 

No one has posted that it has improved for anyone they know.

 

If they don't realize they are prone to this, then the only way to even consider improvement is to get them on medication or in counseling/therapy. Otherwise you will ALWAYS be treating the symptom, not the disease.

 

Definitely genetic. My mom/gma were HORRIBLE about this. I've limited my hoarding to books. :D

.....They literally had to go behind Grandma's back and take bags of garbage out through windows to get the place emptied out. The worst part was, though, that they had to sort through every single bag and box of stuff...because mixed in with all the dirty kleenex and cans were pieces of Grandma's jewelry and other heirlooms!

 

if you are stuck treating the symptom......

 

If these are people with stuff BURIED in piles, then yes, go behind their back, sneak stuff out, sort through it to make sure it's NOT something truly valuable, and TOSS it.

Do. Not. Get. Caught.

 

another option: express an interest in whatever item it is they have lots of [newspapers/containers/clothing] and ask if you can HAVE it to USE for some wonderful purpose --"oh! our class has been LOOKING for something Just Like this!!!! would you mind parting with it??" If they think you will enjoy it, they are more likely to let it go.

 

keep little walmart bags with you and very quietly add a few items to it each time you visit. you will barely make a scratch, but it might be helpful in some way.

 

good luck--

[katemary63]

The solution has been between the lines. An evaluation by a psychiatrist and medication. Then behavior therapy and a lot of time. That is the ONLY solution for a serious hoarder. If the hoarder is not willing to take this route, (most are not) trying to clean up their house will only upset them and make things worse. Like someone else said, don't get caught! If a hoarder is in need of serious medical help and can not or will not get it, you can either let them suffer or intervene legally somehow. That's about it.

[Orthodox6]

Doctors, by law, may not release information about a patient to anybody unless the patient has signed paperwork specifying particular people who may receive such private information. This can be a seriously bad thing when parents or siblings who really, deeply love and care about an ill individual are barred from knowing even basic information. On the other hand, I'm militantly glad that "general public" may not delve into my medical information, or that of my family !

 

I'm confused about how many people raise concern here. The word "ladies" is in the post. Is this a house shared by two or more women? Or is it more than one household with the mom suffering from said condition? . . . If there is a husband "in the picture", then he is the proper person to approach with discretion and tact. Failing that, near relatives -- if they are known to you.

 

As was noted already, parting with "things" is an emotional, difficult task for "hoarders". (OCD is one possibility, but not at all the only one.) The woman (women ?) in question must form a trusting relationship with someone who later will attempt to advise or assist her (them). Unsolicited, flat advice only will backfire, even halt any relationship efforts.

 

If these are older, or elderly, women, other issues common among seniors may be at play, too.

 

How blessed these people are that OP cares about them to want to find aid for their situation, whatever it may be !

 

P.S. Just read some recent posts. I do not know how I feel about arbitrarily sneaking around disposing of things from somebody else's house. I recoil from sneakiness on principle. I also would hesitate to diminish the physical evidence useful to a doctor or other professional. Only in the case of health-endangering items (human or animal waste, maggot-infested foods, etc.) might I succumb to the desire to clean up.

 

 

 

Can you contact her doctor and ask if there is any medication that would help?

 

I'm sure there is a support organization you could find that might have suggestions.

Edited August 31, 2009 by Orthodox6

[Lovedtodeath]

Doctors, by law, may not release information about a patient to anybody unless the patient has signed paperwork specifying particular people who may receive such private information. This can be a seriously bad thing when parents or siblings who really, deeply love and care about an ill individual are barred from knowing even basic information. On the other hand, I'm militantly glad that "general public" may not delve into my medical information, or that of my family !

I have a good friend with bipolar who won't get treatment and is ruining her life. She is 19 years old. Her parents are no longer in charge of her medical treatment. I think that is the dumbest thing. Why is someone who is mentally handicapped in other ways still considered a minor but someone with a serious mental disorder doesn't get help because no one can make her?

[Orthodox6]

That is a good example of why I strongly believe that the laws should be changed to allow medical information to be released to immediate family members !

 

Even when information is available to immediate family, laws protect an individual of legal adult age from arbitrary "interference." As with so many laws, there are absurd repercussions from this (such as the example you shared). For every ridiculous resultant scenario, however, there is an "other side of the story" scenario which the laws are right to protect. Think, for random example, of acrimonious divorce situations. The non-custodial spouse may hate (literally) the custodial spouse's religion. The hostile spouse may, then, try to invoke some ludicrous claim of mental illness in order to remove the child(ren) from the "pernicious effects" of the "brain-numbing, destructive" religion being taught in the home. (We read of the same type attacks when the custodial parent wishes to homeschool the children, following a divorce.)

 

Involuntary commitment for evaluation and treatment is very difficult, but remains the only avenue available for loving family members. My husband once had to "follow the rules" for "how to do it" and have his brother involuntarily remitted for evaluation/treatment. It was so hard to do, and so emotionally draining. My b-i-l later expressed his appreciation -- something he was not able to do at the time, owing to that particular, serious flare-up of his life-long illnesses.

 

We have a close friend of thirty-years' standing who now is homeless because he refuses to take his critically-necessary psychiatric medications -- except at such times when he is involuntarily held, owing to the police picking him up for some mild infraction of the law. His elderly parents are helpless in the matter. We, his friends, are equally helpless. A formerly skilled lawyer with two degrees from prestigious universities, now lives on the streets. Very sad to see.

 

I have a good friend with bipolar who won't get treatment and is ruining her life. She is 19 years old. Her parents are no longer in charge of her medical treatment. I think that is the dumbest thing. Why is someone who is mentally handicapped in other ways still considered a minor but someone with a serious mental disorder doesn't get help because no one can make her?

[Ginevra]

I am seeing that many people have this problem but no one has posted with any resolution. Is there any hope for people dealing with this to the point that that there is no where to sit or walk in a house?

 

No one has posted that it has improved for anyone they know.

 

If there is a solution, there aren't any available to laymen or family members. I can see plainly that my mother hates her junk and also "needs" it. Moving it, cleaning it, "organizing" it is out of the question. She cries literal tears at the mention of it. But she will turn right around and say she knows she is drowning in her stuff.

 

It is definitely a complex mental and possibly medical disorder. It's not something that can be solved simply with a dumpster and a team of well-meaning loved ones. Unless the hoarder has died. It would be like telling someone who is bipolar to just knock it off or telling someone who is OCD to just stop cleaning. There is a "have to" element that is distressing to the utmost for the hoarder.

[kmacnchs]

Do they ever have guests over? My mil is a HOARDER and she let us clean out and get rid of stuff only because her mil was coming to stay at her house (for the 1st time ever - she lives out of the US). She let us throw out expired food, etc. (not a big clean out or anything).

 

My great uncle is a SUPER HOARDER (hasn't used his bathroom in FOREVER b/c is it filled to the brim w/paper products) but he is close to my mom and trusts her so once a month she spends an hour or two at his house and tries to give most of it away (to family members if she can) which makes him feel better, but throws a lot of it out. Sometimes, just taking it from their house and saying you will try to find someone who needs it helps (no matter what you end up doing with it).

[Linda1951]

I get two bags, stuff to throw away and stuff to donate.

[PollyOR]

Resurrecting this thread....

 

I've been watching episodes of Hoarders this week, and I've found it fascinating.

 

You can watch "My Mother's Garden" online. The most heartbreaking point for me was when the mother returned to her clean house. Most people would be relieved and thankful. The mother falls down on her knees, goes into a near fetal position and weeps. She then goes into a depression, sleeping all day. So very sad.