Hive consensus on MIL/kids issue

[StaceyinLA]

I mean the fact of her blatantly disregarding your wishes when your children are in her care is certainly an issue that might necessitate having the FIL present during babysitting.

 

However, I am stunned at the number of people that think the car ride was putting your children at such great risk.

 

I am a HUGE carseat proponent, but if it is a 3-4 minute walk, can it be a full minute in the car? And if it was in the neighborhood, could cars be going over 30 mph, if that? And what is the likelihood that she would even encounter another vehicle?

 

With everything in perspective, it is just as likely one of your children could dart away from her during a 3-4 minute walk and be hit by a car as it is that they would wreck and one of your children be injured. They aren't 4 and 6 months old after all - they are 4 and 6 years. A regular seat belt would keep them from being injured in a 25-30 mph wreck. I am finding a LOT of overreaction over this, from everyone in the thread.

 

That being said, and not being familiar with the 10yo at the pool, I might have some issue with the fact that she just didn't have the 6yo get out and go with her, especially with no lifeguard present. However, if my 6yo swam and the 10yo was a child I know, and the bathroom was within earshot, I wouldn't have had an issue with that either.

 

The biggest issue in this situation, to me, is the fact that she doesn't respect yall's wishes (though she may believe yall to be overreacting). I don't know if it would bother me once or twice, but if it was something that always went on, I'd have issues with it.

[Renee in NC]

Actually, it takes 4 minutes without oxygen to cause brain damage. Not that I am in any way advocating leaving a child unsupervised around water.

 

I do think it was OK to ask a 10-yo to watch a 6-yo for 5 minutes while mil took 4-yo to the bathroom. I have a 10-yo, and she would be more than able to get an adult if the 6-yo went into the water.

 

My 6yo pulled my 5yo out of the pool when she was accidently knocked in (and no one else saw it happen.) I can't imagine a 10yo not being able to supervise a 6yo for a few minutes.

[KingM]

This sounds a lot like my mother, actually. My father has beautiful gardens, including a pond with lilies, koi, and a fountain, that inexorably draws children. Several young children have fallen in while leaning over, trying to touch fish or whatever, and once my niece was found floating face down in the pond; another minute and she'd have been gone.

 

But she didn't, in fact, drown, and my mother doesn't understand my absolute paranoia about letting toddlers play unsupervised outside. She's similar in her disregard for things like car seats. None of us ever used them, you see, and we all turned out okay.

 

The thing is, my mother can be a wonderful person, very generous, in spite of her flaws and her quirks. My wife and I just need to set the boundaries ourselves, and then stick with them. Once I'm able to do that, I can maintain my very important relationship with my mother without anger.

[KingM]

However, I am stunned at the number of people that think the car ride was putting your children at such great risk.

 

...

 

I am finding a LOT of overreaction over this, from everyone in the thread.

 

 

Yes, I agree. Of course there would be a modest additional risk by not having them in the car seats. However, it would probably be riskier to take a 45 minute ride with a car seat than a minute ride without, just going by odds. And really, I've driven perhaps 500,000+ miles in my life and never been in an accident. What is the risk of 3 or 4 blocks?

 

I always put my kids in car seats and wear my own seat belt 100% of the time, but we have to remember how things used to be. My Mom used to take us to swim practice or soccer and pile a dozen kids in the back and so-called way-back seats of the car. Her generation just doesn't see this sort of behavior as risky.

[Supertechmom]

One of the things about us not riding in car seats when we were little is the type of car we were in. I stood for 4 hours in the front seat of my father's TANK. The car was huge, made out of thick steel, and were much heavier than today's cars. Getting in a wreck with one of them maybe would dent your fender but not much else.

 

Our cars today use the safety harness and car seats as PART OF THE SAFETY system. Missing them or not using them properly reduces the safety of the car. The cars aren't even crash tested without the restraints and seats in place. So the safety of every car does now hinge on the use of safety seats.

 

And the op has stated the mil was told to never drive without the kids in car seats and that she is a bad driver with an accident track record. She has every right to feel fearful that her children may be involved in a wreck with her mil. Both of my neighbors have wrecked on my street at different times both because they were looking at something in the car and didn't pay attention "because we were in the neighbor hood and I didn't think there would be traffic" Accidents happen. Add to the mix a not so good driver who wrecks and the chances are higher.

 

 

And before I bow out of this thread, I just want to say to all the posters who chimed in that they would trust their parents or in laws and have no restrictions, you should get down on you knees where you are right now and thank the good Lord you have that. Not all of us do. Some of us have mils who are vindictive, mean, control freaks who will go to great lengths to prove they can do whatever they want with your kids and there's nothing you can do about it and have no regards to the impact physically or mentally they may leave upon our children. AND that you are just a silly little girl out to ruin her fun with her grandchildren. Some of us have real true safety concerns about our children when left with the very parents who raised us. Some of us know that our children can be harmed perhaps with dire consequences if left in the care of Granny. And thus Granny must be monitored, restricted and sometimes simply removed from their life for the protection and sake of our kids' lives. Some of us have to deal with the knowledge that Grannys kill or maim or harm out of spite, out of control issues, out of WELL I did this to you and you turned out fine, What's the big deal? even when the big deal has all ready cost you thousands in medical bills and is documented by several specialists both for you and for your children. Some of us don't have the option to trust Granny or let her have authority over our children. And we when give them a tiny tiny fraction because we are guilty over not letting them have a relationship with the grandkids and we want them to have one and they go DIRECTLY AGAINST the rules no matter how small, it just goes to show that they still can't be trusted with the welfare of our kids.

[WTMCassandra]

And before I bow out of this thread, I just want to say to all the posters who chimed in that they would trust their parents or in laws and have no restrictions, you should get down on you knees where you are right now and thank the good Lord you have that. Not all of us do. Some of us have mils who are vindictive, mean, control freaks who will go to great lengths to prove they can do whatever they want with your kids and there's nothing you can do about it and have no regards to the impact physically or mentally they may leave upon our children. AND that you are just a silly little girl out to ruin her fun with her grandchildren. Some of us have real true safety concerns about our children when left with the very parents who raised us. Some of us know that our children can be harmed perhaps with dire consequences if left in the care of Granny. And thus Granny must be monitored, restricted and sometimes simply removed from their life for the protection and sake of our kids' lives. Some of us have to deal with the knowledge that Grannys kill or maim or harm out of spite, out of control issues, out of WELL I did this to you and you turned out fine, What's the big deal? even when the big deal has all ready cost you thousands in medical bills and is documented by several specialists both for you and for your children. Some of us don't have the option to trust Granny or let her have authority over our children. And we when give them a tiny tiny fraction because we are guilty over not letting them have a relationship with the grandkids and we want them to have one and they go DIRECTLY AGAINST the rules no matter how small, it just goes to show that they still can't be trusted with the welfare of our kids.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[skaterbabs]

However, I am stunned at the number of people that think the car ride was putting your children at such great risk.

 

I am a HUGE carseat proponent, but if it is a 3-4 minute walk, can it be a full minute in the car? And if it was in the neighborhood, could cars be going over 30 mph, if that? And what is the likelihood that she would even encounter another vehicle?

 

 

The liklihood of a crash in this instance is VERY, VERY, VERY high. Almost all crashes are at less than 30 miles per hour, and a fourty pound child going ten miles per hour will hit the windshield with four hundred pounds of force. Most crashes happen within a few miles of home, during the day.

 

Yes, those of us here survived not having car seats and seatbelts as small children. That means exactly bupkiss. The reason there are now laws requiring these things is because so many thousands of people died for the lack of them, and they are not here to tell their stories.

 

One of the things about us not riding in car seats when we were little is the type of car we were in. I stood for 4 hours in the front seat of my father's TANK. The car was huge, made out of thick steel, and were much heavier than today's cars. Getting in a wreck with one of them maybe would dent your fender but not much else.

 

Actually, while the car would suffer little damage, the passengers were often seriously injured. The idea that cars were better made back then because a crash didn't cause a lot of damage is false. There is a certain amount of energy involved in a crash that must be absorbed somehow, and in today's cars it's absorbed by crumple zones and airbags. When we were kids, it was absorbed by the passenger's bodies.