The oldest is 19 and 1/2 now. There was plenty of documentation. Dh even went to court. But we needed an attorney, we didn't have one...there was a lot going on....then Dh got really really sick...I think much of it was from the trauma of his son turning on him. So the younger one is almost 15 and we are having a huge drama filled week because the boy can't get the courage to say what he wants and we can't read minds.....he has a very different personality than the older one...but I can't bear for him to want to stop seeing Dh too. I will tell you it has made me a much more empathetic human being though. My Xh hasn't made ds16 go for weekend visitation for a year and a half. That was XHs decision. He said he wasn't going to force Ds any more. I did suggest to him that he compromise to preserve the relationship. He listened to me I guess. I do make Ds go for dinner any time Xh asks....usually no more than once a month. Ds would not do that if I didn't make him. My heart breaks for Xh though in spite of all he did to bring this on himself.

With dhs oldest it has been 4 years. The only conversations have been the son chastising Dh for daring to make his mom cry. Many times the oldest son would be in the vehicle at drop off for younger son and not even look at Dh. He won't let Dh text him, he won't talk on the phone to Dh. Dh even drove to the school a few years back and hand delivered a letter to,the counselor and asked her to give it to his son...she called Dh and said the boy had refused to read it, listen to it read or to take it in to his hands. It has nearly killed my Dh.

I don't think sports or most extracurricular activities are a good enough reason to stop seeing one parent. But I also know a teen made to go visit a parent when said teen doesn't want to be there is a miserable person to be around. Sometimes it is better to compromise in order to preserve the relationship.

That is what is being attempted. Balancing with not forcing everything that is a legal right.....It is difficult.

To the bolded, I have seen a teen poisoned against a NCP. He has been lied to, manipulated and had his history rewritten by the CP and new step parent. However, I know other teens who just don't want to keep going to see the NCP and it has little to do with either parent....just the kid not wanting to have his routine disrupted.

We aren't yet to a point of 'I don't want to come to visitation anymore', but I see it coming. Makes me ill.

I have this book. I tried to read it....but I am living it and it just makes me sick to read it.

Ok, so let's go with you are totally self sacrificing and just go along with whatever is best for your kid. Do you really think it is best for a teen to never see their other parent absent some abuse/addiction?

Oh it is. But there is NOTHING. you can do about it. The courts don't care. You can't prove it anyway.

The judge suspended visitation? That is unheard of without a really good reason....or did dad agree to it?

What if there was no hotel. And I am not kidding. There is nothing there. And what if the new step parent refused to allow you on the property to pick up your child?

I guess I would like to know how a parent is suppose to live through losing their kids....first to a divorce you didn't want, then to your kids getting a step parent who poisons them against you, then to teen development which seems to gravitate away from wanting visitation.

What if grabbing dinner wasn't an option because of distance? What if missing your weekend with your kids meant you could not see them for a month straight?

Interesting. At what age would you allow them to stop seeing you altogether?

I am on both ends of this.....and it is heartbreaking all the way around.

I agree she should have some say at 17. And I agree that forcing her to come will only build resentment.

So you would be ok if you got divorced and your kids dad got custody and you only saw your kids 2 weekends a month? Edited to add....and you would be ok if your kids said they didn't even want to see you that much?

Well that is not true. If the dad agrees to not make her she doesn't have to go. He is probably insisting on his legal right.

Were you close to your dad before the divorce?

Has she asked her dad to not make her go anymore? Or for some say in how long?

Well I have several teens with varying situations in mind. What I see with teens is that at around age 14 they begin to hate going to visitation,,.,,and I think a lot of the reason is that they don't like having to disrupt their routine.

Why didn't he want to see his mom very often? And was she ok with that arrangement? I guess she didnt fight it legally?

While it is true older teens begin to pull away from even the parents they live with, that hour at dinner or a quick hello in the morning, or time spent together in worship....those are precious and you don't realize how precious until your kids are taken away from you and you can only see them for 48 hours twice a month.

And there is a lot of room between "scheduled visitation" and completely severing the relationship.

16 year olds definitely have the legal right to say which parent they want to live in. Barring one parent being totally unfit a judge will abide by the teens choice. As young as 12 I believe is how that general works. But choosing which parent to live with is a very different thing than severing a relationship completely with one parent. That is something a court will absolutely not agree too, but the practicality of forcing a teen to see a parent when they don't want to is another matter altogether.