Thank you, ktgrok, I am going to pm you...

And as far as living near DH's work, we can't afford the rents. Anyway he works in an area that is an odd mixture of scary, beat-down, dangerous neighborhoods and wealthy neighborhoods (seems like this is becoming more common is bigger-ish cities). Thank you everyone for the input though. DH and I are trying to decide what to do.

As far as the reframing notion. I can appreciate that. I really can. I understand the importance of contentment, and making the best of one's situation. Those are Christian virtues. I can't do a garden and raise chickens because of our renting situation, but I see the gist of what your saying. I think there is a time and place for that, and there's a time and place for knowing a situation is causing a great deal of hardship and not working. Being on the poorer side of things, having no family support and being by myself most of the time is exhausting mind, body and soul. Certainly we have been in this situation, or a variation of it for the whole time we've been married, so I have learned a lot. I am not good at being contented, optimistic, etc. so I look for what God is trying to show me, or what good is coming out of the difficulties. I don't think everyone can necessarily achieve all their goals and dreams. Sometimes you're working against forces beyond your control, that prevent a comfy life, just like some people seem to have success set up for them from their upbringing onward. But I want to try if I can to improve our situation.

I'm mid 30s. DH is early 40s. We both wasted a lot of time in early adulthood before we met and our values changed a lot but now we don't have the preparation for what our life is now and the rubber us already hitting the road bc of kids. But those are some good things to think about Lucy Stoner, thank you.

We've certainly thought of that. The challenge is that I never established any sort of real career before my SAHM life. I was a barista, waitress, retail worker, did very minor and crappy graphic design on the side, was in a rock band briefly etc. And now I've been completely out of the game for 8 years. I am really doubtful of my ability to out-earn DH.

By the way, does anyone have an opinion on paying a service/ person to write your resume for you? One of DH's former coworkers who escaped said he had a resume writing service do his and thinks it's worth doing.

I'm not against doing what I can to earn money. I even thought about waitressing, which I have experience in. It's just that I could not commit to any part time job on account of DH's frequent and unpredictable overtime (he would need to watch the kids if I worked) . As far as doing something from home, I wish I was clever enough to come up with something. Haven't been able to so far. Also, I feel like I am drowning most of the time in my parenting and the supposed schooling I'm doing. I do not know where the free time/ mental/ emotional resource is supposed to come from. I might end up deleting this like I've been doing here lately. I'm just feeling a little desperate for hope that our situation can change. Every Friday when they give him the weekend-ruining news (he has to work both tomorrow/saturday and sun long hours) I feel raw and desperate even though I know it's coming I always hold out hope for the rare weekend day off.

DH has been at his current job for a little over 3 years and we both pretty much hate it. He is the sole provider, fyi. I am not going to give every detail since this is a public forum but I'll say he works in an office and it is more of a blue collar scenario. The pay is not great. It's not even what most people would call "good". When he doesn't get overtime, his hourly wage at 40 hours/ week puts us just slightly above the poverty line for our family size. For almost the whole time he's been there we've been (unsuccessfully so far) looking for a different job for him. His boss is not nice, let's just say that. So that's one thing. Another thing is the overtime. It's what most people would consider unreasonable. Working 10 hour days, 7 days a week (with a 45 min commute each way = 1.5 hours total per day) is our normal for a good part of the year. Not just that, but they give him maybe an hours notice about if he's working late that day, and Friday afternoon notice if he's working one or both weekend days (he's basically living out the movie "Office Space" in that regard). We can plan nothing in our life. If I pretend I don't have a husband than it's ok, but I do have one, I just can't involve him in any freaking thing because of this. He hates it and I do too. We have zero family support in that we don't live anywhere near anyone, but besides have difficult relationships all around anyway. It's important for DH to be present in this life we have together. I am already struggling through periods of depression, anxiety, living in a semi-ghetto area, isolation etc. I do not at all feel like I have my act together as a SAHM and/ or homeschooler. I really need him and he wants to be here but can't because the guy is responsible and wants to provide for us. Which I can appreciate and be thankful for. But it gets to a point where my kids can't have their dad and I can't have my husband just so we can pay rent and eat. DH does not have any college and is not what you'd call someone with a lot of earning power but I want to have hope. Any ideas are appreciated.

There's a lot about being a mobile society that really does stink. Besides the difficulty of losing nearby loved ones, other things too. Like loss of identity. For a lot of people these days when asked where they are "from", the answer is that it's complicated. In some ways I envy people who were born and raised in one place. My upbringing was not military, just the somewhat typical not-stay-in-one-place for various reasons upbringing. I was born in a New England state and taken out of that part of the country at age 4. I feel basically zero connection to New England and spent most of my growing up in southern California, but I'll never be a real Californian because I wasn't born there, and will never be a real New Englander bc I can't relate to those who spent much of their life there. And then we never stayed in one CA town for long bc of parental life issues. Many of us don't know what it's like to have a "hometown".

I'm happy with how my 3 kids hair turned out. They all have the same 2 parents and they are red, brown and blonde from oldest to youngest. I think it's really neat and I feel like it's one of the few things I had no control over that turned out probably how I would have chosen it if I could. Getting a redhead as a first born was really neat. Especially since neither DH or I have red hair. He was born with a rug of orange hair. He was all the rage on the labor and delivery floor when he was born. A redhead and the biggest baby on the floor.

I deleted because I guess I'm feeling too sensitive. I posted about how to deal with a small mountain of trapped insect eggs in my home as a renter, not crying about being too poor to afford highlights for my hair or something. I don't understand the response of "LOL epitome of first world problems".

Nevermind

Thank you so much, everyone. It does feel like a part time job sometimes. "Your estimated wait time is... ten. minutes." So I just got off the phone with a healthcare.gov representative and I am stuck with my current plan because it started March 1st and the next open enrollment period is estimated to start in November (the guy didn't know for sure). The only thing I can do to get out of it is terminate the plan and get the penalties, or terminate it and get some sort of non-marketplace insurance. That's what I think the deal is anyway. The whole thing is confusing.

That's what I was wondering about these Christian health sharing programs. I'm confused about those too but I'll look into it.

The person I talked to on the phone from healthcare.gov helped me pick a plan.

Now I'm back to being confused. Lol. I signed up through healthcare.gov. I'm pretty sure I have a subsidy. Can I still use a broker? There's no way we can afford a plan without a subsidy.

Well I'm kind of sorry for my original post now. I probably look like an idiot. Thanks for the advice everyone. How do I find an insurance broker?

I don't know what an insurance broker is :blushing: Sounds like I need to make some phone calls though... not an easy thing since I'm always alone on weekdays with the kids inevitably having crisis in the background while I'm trying to talk and listen but I will try.

*double post

Yeah, maybe it's because it's the cheapest, lowest income plan. I am always in a hurry when choosing things bc a I have 3 little kids in my presence at all times, plus it is quite confusing, but maybe I didn't pick the best plan. I will look into changing the plan if there's one I can afford. It might be the area I'm in too. And as far as getting in trouble for not seeing the Dr by a certain date I'll look into that too. Maybe I am understanding it wrong. The notice I got said "contact your provider to make an appointment within ____ days from now"

Edited: never mind! I am just confused and frustrated trying to figure out marketplace insurance, and it looks like I might've got a bad plan.

My understanding is that it's basically a low carb diet with numerous tricks employed to allow for frequent enjoyment of treats, which consist of lots of bizarre concoctions involving whey isolate powder type things and alternative sweetners. It is way too complicated for me. I too do much better with straight low carb but plenty of people do it and like it.

I keep coming back here because this subject is something I think about a lot. Looks like others here have lots of thoughts on it too. Is being a SAHM a valid life choice? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on your definition of "valid" I guess. Is it an important endeavor? IMO very much so. Although it is fairly offensive, there is a reason for phrases such as "a face only a mother could love" (meaning that someone is considered universally unattractive with the obvious exception of the person's own mother because everyone knows what a mother's love for her child is usually like). The essence of that phrase gets to the heart of why it can be so meaningful for women to chose caring for their own children full time. I believe we are uniquely equipped to delight in things like our child's smile, for example, or put up with things like diaper changes. I know this is not nice to admit but I don't like other people's kids. They are at best tolerable but often just irritating even when well behaved. I think a lot of women feel this way too. Not that my kids can't be irritating (on the contrary) but my own kids are incredibly special, charming, beautiful etc. to me in a way that I can't logically explain. I'm glad that the person who takes care of them the most (me) is the one who is the most impressed with them. There is something to be said for that. This may not mean as much to other women and that's fine. I'm just offering my thoughts on why the SAHM pursuit is "valid".

Sigh. It is so true. Whenever there's a news piece describing a recent nutcase who went on a shooting rampage, "He was quiet..." Because everyone who's quiet must be psychotic, right? Introverts do not have it easy. Yes this is a huge sidetrack. Just had to say my 2 cents.

Yes, I have one close family member who is so impatient for a certain elderly relative to die that they complain of wanting what's coming to them now because it's taking too long. It's sickening. I would love to pay off debts etc. but being grabby for money connected to a person's passing ... there is nothing worth that kind of tacky, entitled, crazed behavior. I said I want old photographs when this person passes and that's the truth. And if I don't get those that's ok too.