I am an old boardie who seldom comes here anymore mostly because my husband died suddenly a year ago in May of a heart attack. I have six children, five of whom have already graduated from high school and are either married or in college. They are doing all right. But my youngest was only 12 when his dad died. He seems to be doing all right overall but he doesn't sleep well at night. Right now he is sleeping on the couch as he didn't sleep until 3 am this morning and got up early to go to his PE class. Last year, we had a hard time with home school which is not surprising, but he finished most of his math and grammar so that was good. This year, I was surprised to see that even though he is focusing better on his school work, he still tires easily so he is going very slowly though his school work again like last year. He is in eighth grade. So...it looks like another light year in schoolwork but he is in eighth grade. I know it is important for him to keep up with his math and English but I also really wanted him to move on in science and history as they can help him keep his interest in learning in a disciplined way. I also want him to move on in literature and Latin. And do more writing of compositions. He didn't write any last year. I signed him up for literature and Latin classes with Scholars Online and he is doing okay so far but I really don't know if his grieving will get in the way and I don't want him to feel bad about not being able to keep up if that happens. He does like the teachers and the books but it might be better if he waits until next year but then again, what if the classes are what would motivate him to focus on other things other than his grief which should be a good thing? I could teach these subjects myself but I also am struggling still with some bad days myself and I still am not sure of how my own year will turn out. I am thinking of unschooling him in science and history but is that acceptable in eighth grade? I guess what I am really asking is how little structure we can get away with this year and still have a rich and enjoyable education that includes learning some good study skills, math, and grammar.

I had posted last summer about how I had lost my husband suddenly to pulmonary embolism and that I needed advice on how to homeschool my 12 year old son this year. I have pulled together a pretty good curriculum that doesn't seem too stressful and yet is fairly challenging to keep his interest. However, he complains that he is bored and wants to take a couple classes at the public school where his best friend goes. The scary thing is that I actually think it's a good idea. I had always been a die hard homeschooler and taught my older five children all the way through, starting in 1987. I can't believe what I am thinking. Things have changed so much since last spring and I don't quite feel like the same person I used to be. I don't think I'll let him take a couple classes because I would have to drive him back and forth everyday and we can't be flexible in our schedule anymore. I think part of what is going on is that my son is trying to make himself feel better and thinks that going to a b and m school will give him friends as well as a distraction from his loss. There are no coops we can join, only Christian schools that don't appeal to him. So we are isolated during the day. Maybe it's a good thing as we can have a lot of time to work through our grief but I think we need some distractions. Not sure what, though. Do you have any ideas?

Faith, I'm so sorry.

Well, I didn't reply sooner because I was rereading all the posts and feeling so touched by your warmth and understanding. I can't say much now and am feeling a bit saddened that this grieving process will take longer than I expected. I mean I know that it takes about a year or so to get used to the loss but I didn't realize that it would be this hard for so long. My wedding anniversary is in Sept. Ugh. and the holidays. And seeing other kids with their dads is hard on my ds, I know. My college age ds is living with us for the summer which makes it easier on us but there'll just be the two of us in the fall. There are no co ops in my area, only the Classical Conversations and the university model school. So I dunno. But as you say, give it time and don't decide now. I appreciate your prayers and understanding. Hunter, yes, there is definitely a physical aspect to grieving much to my surprise. Thanks to all of you.

Well, my husband died suddenly of a blood clot in his heart about a month ago. It happened within two hours in the ambulance. He was in apparent good health so it has been a huge shock to us. I still have a 12 year old ds at home. I have been reading about grief in children and one thing jumped out at me. The children's grades tend to drop in school as they have a hard time focusing and dealing with the stress of the schoolwork. So we are taking time off from home school this summer. I was planning on an online Latin class for him this year which will be quite challenging. Now I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I have thought of ordering Calvert so that I would be sure to follow through as I am having difficulty focusing too. But would that be too stressful for my ds to have to take monthly tests which he never has done before? My ds seems to be doing all right but he has been avoiding large crowds such as his Sunday School class and the Boy Scouts and wanting to stay home mostly and playing with the neighborhood children. I could continue the same curriculum that I used last year to keep things familiar for him but the curriculum was quite teacher intensive and I don't think I'll be up for that. I'd like to hear from others who have gone through similar situations or know others who have.

No, Bill? I was afraid of that. Oh, well. We've decided not to buy the games but we will let him play them at friends's houses and also to borrow them. We're not worried that he will grow up to be a killer or whatever but we just think there are better ways to spend money and time. The book, Boys Adrift, sounds intriguing so we might change our minds again later after reading it.

I got only 23. I wonder if it's because I spend so much time lipreading and reading the overall facial expressions that I'm not used to looking at people's eyes when I talk to them.

I have a 12 year old ds who has been wanting to be like his neighborhood friends and play violent video games such as Assassin's Creed and Call of Duty. He keeps telling us that we can turn off the excessive blood but it seems to me that killing is still killing. Am I too squeamish? I understand that Assassin's Creed is actually educational. And Halo's 4 justifies killing by using aliens instead of humans. But boys have always played with guns and also they go hunting so what's the big deal, so I hear. Are there other video games that involve fun and challenge but not geeky or nerdy? My son wants to fit in and I do understand that.

Do you think that homeschooling makes it a little easier for the kids from the lower classes to move up to the elite class if the parents give them the same kind of education the elites get? Is classical education the elite education? I myself think that the classical education is only part of the whole elite culture though. Money plays a big part too and the background of the family/neighborhood.

I also recommend Practical Homeschooling.

Faith, I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

I'm curious too about Rainbow Science for my upcoming 7th grader.

Faith, I'm so sorry. Praying that the bureaucracy and the doctors will work together some how and come up with the best possible care for your dad.

This explanation makes a lot of sense actually. That's what my dd was implying to me but she wasn't clear about it so I wasn't sure what she really wanted. But I think you're right that for her, the M.A. degree was about moving ahead and also that her participating in the ceremony was about not only celebrating her getting the degree but also about seeing so many of her friends in one place. I forgot that her university will have a video feed of the ceremony so I'll be sure to ask about it; and that's a great idea about having a graduation party when she comes home for a visit which will be two months later, and that's when all her siblings will be home too. And yes, it's a good idea to send her a small check and card at her graduation. Now that it makes more sense about the different focus for the M.A. degree than the B.A. degree, I feel that she and I will work it out fine with no hurt feelings or regret. Well, a little as I would rather be able to go and visit w/her and watch her but it's okay, really. I enjoyed hearing your stories about your experiences. Thanks.

I'm trying to decide if we should go to our dd's graduation ceremony for her master's degree in May. It is quite difficult for us to come up with the money to travel several states away and then to find a place to stay in an expensive city if we can't stay with a relative there. My dd says that this graduation ceremony is no big deal for her, not like it was for her B.A. so we are not to worry about trying to make it this time like we did last time. But I can't help worrying that she might feel differently when the actual ceremony takes place and she's alone with no family there except maybe for an uncle. She does have lots of friends but most of them will have family come. I don't want her to feel like we don't care even though she may understand that we would have to borrow money to go there which we don't want to do. My dad said that his graduation from the seminary didn't mean as much to him as the graduation from college. However, how do other people feel about their grad school graduation ceremonies? Obviously, I've or my dh has never gone through getting a M.A. degree though I do have a B.A. so I can't go by our own experience. I also would really like to be there to see her graduating though it would be more of a luxury than a necessity; so if I can be reassured that it is truly not a big deal for her, we will not go. I would like to hear your experiences with your graduation ceremonies and how did you feel about having family or not attend.

It might be a cold if you haven't had this before. Allergies are an ongoing thing or seasonal.

I'm praying for your dear son and you.

Ruth, This information on what a teacher does in the classroom is most helpful. I had been confused as I am both the teacher and parent so I had been feeling paralyzed and caught in the middle between the two roles. Now I am feeling more comfortable about teaching the process and demonstrating what my ds needs to do and helping him revise his work but having him do most of the thinking and working himself. Your analogy of helping him with essay writing is a good one. I get it. Thanks. Emily

Mims, your son's frustration is exactly what I'm concerned about.

Oh, really? Wow, your children sound amazing! Well, I think what I'll do is go ahead w/ the plans I had for today but let him take the initiative this time and see what happens. I will show him what needs to be done and the steps he should follow and then back off. Help him when and if he asks for it. The e-book sounds interesting. What's the title?

Well, the homeschool science fair is in two weeks. We are doing a fairly simple project but boy, it's a lot more complicated than I expected. I never participated in one myself and this is my ds's and my first time doing one. So....I am finding that I am doing all the planning for my ds. He is eleven years old but he is overwhelmed so I am having to sort of take over the project in order to get it moving along. I have no idea what how much help I am supposed to give and how much initiative the child is supposed to show. He wanted to do this which is why we signed up but so far he has only been doing what I am telling him to do. For instance, I tell him where to go to look for information on the project and I tell him which notes to write down. Today we are going to be discussing the gathering of the materials and the recording of the procedure and I am dreading this because I know I will be having to do practically all the discussion and telling him what to write down and so on. My ds seems to kind of enjoy it but he doesn't own the project because he's not ready for it. I feel stuck because he does want to do this and he wants to be at the science fair but at the same time, I need to know what my part as the teacher is and the part my kid as the student is. Help! Emily

The couple random episodes I watched left a bad taste in my mouth.

Elizabeth, what do you mean by "working memory"?

One of my ds still didn't know his months at age 18. Oooops. I forgot that one with this particular ds. Oh, well.