Renee in NC
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Posts posted by Renee in NC
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Recreational exercise isn't a "thing" here. Actually, kind of the opposite. I've been asked if I've lost my dog or something when I've been walking or jogging on the road by my house. Concerned old ladies have pulled over to say, "You okay there honey? You need a ride home?"
Same here, particularly if I am walking at dusk/dark. I think it's more common for me than others because I often carry an Army Ruck suck (with weights) that makes me look homeless. :lol:
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I live in the country - very rural. The road we live on is very sparsely populated, and a popular cut through to get to a town about 12 miles away. There is little shoulder. I walk/run it regularly, and I might see 1-2 others when I do. These are people out exercising - there is nowhere to walk/bike to!
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Me too!! I am training right now to do a 1/2 marathon....or at least poking at training for it. I have done 2 obstacle races and really love them. They challenge every part of your being. I like that!
Good luck in your training! It is amazing what we can do when we set our mind to it.
Which ones have you done? I did Rugged Maniac, then a local one called Mud Bug, then Tough Mudder. I decided to try moving on to the next level.
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I think the issues with it are really implementation, not the standards themselves. I've read the standards, and they don't seem any different than any other standards.
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First, here is the Spartan Race website -----> http://www.spartanrace.com
The Spartan has 3 races - a Sprint, the Super, and the Beast. They are HARD. Not only that, but if you aren't successful on an obstacle, you have to do 30 burpees before you can move on. The Sprint is 4+ miles, the Super is 8+, and the Beast is 10-12. This is a step up from Tough Mudder in terms of mental and physical grit.
If you successfully complete all 3 races in a single racing year, you receive the Spartan Trifecta. I'd like to do that in 2014!
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No problems here. My kids are all in public school, and it really isn't as big of a deal as it was made out to be.
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In addition, if they are working illegally, they are likely working for below market wages and their labor is being used to artificially lower the cost of agricultural products.
And for those working in many industries, they ARE paying into the Social Security system, and will never get that money back.
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In addition, if they are working illegally, they are likely working for below market wages and their labor is being used to artificially lower the cost of agricultural products.
And for those working in many industries, they ARE paying into the Social Security system, and will never get that money back.
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Awesome!!
How did you train for this? I've been wanting to do it for a while.
I've done a couple of shorter mud runs. I worked up to 8 miles carrying 50 pounds on my back. I worked out with weights.
If I were to do it again (which I don't plan to!) I would definitely work on upper body strength. I would think being strong enough to do a chin-up would have put me in a better place.
Honestly, though, my success was highly supported by my great teammates. I was the weak link, and they didn't leave me behind. They helped me conquer many obstacles that I wouldn't have been able to do on my own.
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Does it come with maid service? That house is HUGE.
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Very impressive. Can't imagine doing that.
I can't imagine doing it again! LOL
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I am in agonizing pain. Took BC powder, but now hitting the rum. I did what I set out to do, but I am glad it is done.
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I may not walk for a week.
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I moved out at 16 to move in with a boyfriend. I had my oldest at 17. Went to college at 18.
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Not true as of the spring semester; there are now certain career part ways open to younger students. Unfortunately, no track involving mechanic/autobody stuff is listed for 9th and 10th graders in the catalog I have but there are other choices. Could he/would he do dual enrollment?
It's really motivating my younger one to have that option next term. Then (assuming he is a 10th grader now) he could do a track more suited to his interest next fall. Might it spark a change in attitude?
I'm so sorry you're having a tough time.
Georgia
I am not sure how that plays out practically - I just looked at what his high school offers and there isn't much. The requirements on the community college website (which is where our automotive career pathway is) say a GPA of 3.0, which is much higher than his. He is in a Core and Sustainable Construction class, which is the only one he is currently passing. He did repair a seized up drill press for the teacher a few weeks ago - I wonder if he got extra credit. LOL It looks like if he stays in school he could move on to Carpentry courses next year. That isn't really an interest for him, but it's better than the alternatives.
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Does your school district not have vocational programs for high school students?
For 11th and 12th graders, at the community college. He has to have a C average to qualify, and have his own transportation. Due to the "Future Ready" requirements, all students are on a college prep track. I wish they did have a vocational high school, because that is what he needs.
The only alternative school is for those who are not allowed in the regular schools for some reason - mostly due to expulsion. He is not going there.
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Renee, please know that I say this with nothing but compassion, because I know you are working hard to do the very best you can under difficult circumstances, but it sounds to me like your son is in a tough place. Neither parent is there for him, really. You are working, and his dad is not living with him and not reliable. (I'm not saying you are a bad parent, just that you are, by necessity, gone much of the time). Your son is being asked to handle a certain amount of adult responsibility (care for his siblings when his parents are absent), but has no meaningful control over his life.
What does he have that is "his?"
What is there to make it worth getting out of bed each day?
What is he interested in, and what are you and his dad doing to support those interests?
Does he have any kind of plan for his future? Does he see the path he'll need to take to get there? Is it clear how what he's doing now will contribute to his goals?
What choices does he have about his days, other than whether or not to go see friends and whether he should come home on time?
Obviously, disrespect and outright defiance are not appropriate strategies for him to improve things. But, in the situation you describe, I think it's probably completely normal for a guy that age to feel at loose ends and to look for any opportunities to assert control over whatever aspect of his life he can.
His current interests and future goals involve performance cars. In order to support this, he has two project vehicles - a 98 Ford Ranger and a 65 Mustang. I provide the funding for both projects. We have provided him with tools and opportunity.
I don't micromanage teens, though this one doesn't seem to be able to handle the responsibility of that. I am not sure what you mean by "no meaningful control of his own life?" He is required by law to go to school - the school social worker has already been in contact with us about his absences and other issues. I require that he be home at a certain time, and that he not terrorize us when he is home. I require that his room not be a hazard if he needed to escape in a fire. He doesn't have a bedtime. I don't tell him what he can and can't wear. I don't try and control what he eats or drinks. I don't harp on him about his smoking, but he may not smoke in my house. He occasionally has to babysit, and in exchange he gets a smartphone, the Mt Dew, spending money, etc.. I'm nor sure what other control I have over him?
As for his parents being available for him - it is what it is. I have to work, and I have 5 children younger than he who need me.
I am so sorry. I agree with what others have said. Eliminate the things your son feels "entitled" to (car rides, Mountain Dew, phone, pocket money, etc.). You are not receiving child support so you probably can't afford these things anyway.
If your son wants any of those things badly enough he can look for a job for himself, especially since he seems unwilling to work for you.
Have a heart to heart with him. Can you look at counseling for the two of you?
I have one harsh suggestion . . . if you don't think your oldest can get it together and improve behavior and attitude I would have him go live with dad. His behavior is going to impact how your younger children think they can treat you if it is allowed to continue.
I'm so sorry . . .
ETA - just saw your above post that he is planning to drop out of school at 16. Is there a tech or vocational program he can enroll in? Some good men who could teach him a trade? I would make it very clear that if he drops out of school he will be expected to work and pay room and board. Are you prepared to ask him to leave your home if he plans to do nothing?
I cannot ask him to leave my home at 16 - it is against the law. I am required to provide for him and care for him until he is 18, regardless of his educational choices. He cannot enroll in a tech program until he gets his GED, and then if he does, how will he get there? He cannot get a license until he has had a permit for a year, and he cannot get his permit until he is passing 3 out of 4 classes or graduated.
He has skills. He works with/for my Dad and others. He can run equipment (skidsteer, excavator, tractor,etc.)
He cannot live with his Dad because his Dad doesn't have a home of his own. I agree about the younger children, which is why I am where I am with this.
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Quick response because I am at work on my phone.
The 12yo babysits after school. The 15yo has to be there for weekend days where no adults will be present for more than a couple of hours. The 12yo is the responsible one. He is also one of the ones with LDs, and they just make him work harder.
The 15yo works for my Dad occasionally and sometimes for other people. He cannot get a regular job because he isn't 16 yet, and he has no transportation but us (we live about 8 miles out of town.) His current plan is to drop out of school at 16 (can't stop him from doing that either.)
I will not be giving him money anymore - he has to earn it. I will start paying for babysitting. If he wants me to take him to school, he can pay for it. If he wants Mt. Dew, he can pay for it. He can pay for his phone.
I'm going to start seeing my therapist again, and keep working on finding a family counselor.
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I have a 15yo ds is giving me a lot of trouble. This most recent incident pushed me past the "let's deal with this with reason and logic" because I am not sure that he has any at this point. At this time, on top of the basics of food/shelter/etc., I pay for a smartphone, give him money, and go 20 miles out of my way to take him to school at least 3 days a week (the bus comes at 6am.) I let him have friends over, and I feed them. I buy Mountain Dew just for him. He does not appreciate any of this - he thinks he is entitled to all of these things.
He is allowed to go with friends on school nights. This is a concession I made due to what I was calling "heavier responsibilities." Really, he has to be here at times to take care of the other kids. Their father is supposed to have visitation every Friday and every other Saturday. He works on the weekends, though, so someone has to be with kids during the day if I am not here. I can't get anyone involved to understand that this is his *Dad's* time with them, and he is babysitting for HIM, not me. His Dad doesn't even get the concept that he is responsible for them during his visitation, even if he has to work. In reality, his Dad should find a babysitter when I am not willing to be here. Let me also say that the majority of the time when he is "babysitting" he is asleep, and my 12yo does the actual care-taking. This has happened about every other weekend for the past 6 weeks or so, but only 1 of those weekends did he watch them both days (I was out of town.) Usually it is just a few hours on Saturday.
So, on Tuesday, he was supposed to be home at 9, but wasn't home until 10:30 (and this was after we had to hunt him down and tell him to get home.) I grounded him for a week (he just can't leave the house.) I gave him Halloween as a concession even, but he had to be home at 10. It was a concession that I shouldn't have made in retrospect. He texted me at 8 wanting to stay out later, but I said no. This led him to be absolutely NASTY to me in texts, and his Dad had to go pick him up 30 minutes away, and he ended up not getting home until after 11 anyway.
I can't do this anymore. I am a single mother to 6 at home. I work, and I am gone from home 11 hours a day. I do not receive child support. Visitation happens at MY HOUSE because their Dad doesn't have somewhere he can take them. (This is adding to the babysitting perception problem - if they were at his house, it would be more clear who the 15yo is babysitting for.) I provide the food for visitation. Even when they are with their Dad, if I am here they come to me for everything. I am still somewhat supporting him as well. I am TIRED.
I am MAKING his Dad deal with this as much as possible at this point. He is making all of us MISERABLE. He won't do chores, yet tells his Dad he cleans "the whole house once a week." This is NOT true. Even getting him to wash dishes is a fight. He smokes, and his Dad at times is the one buying them for him (the 15yo buys his Dad a pack or two when he is out of money, and so he'll make the purchase for the 15yo too.) I cannot physically make him go to school. I cannot physically make him do chores. He refuses to do pretty much anything. He wants to live with his Dad, but he can't because his Dad rents a bedroom in someone's home (he's on his 3rd place since April.)
His Dad admitted last night that the 15yo treats me this way because this is the way HE treated me, too. The boys have never been made to respect me, and he undermined me CONSTANTLY when we were living in the same house. This modeled behavior is causing me untold grief as I try to rear my kids, work, better myself, etc. Yes, things have gotten worse since his Dad and I split, but he has always had these attitudes - the manifestation is just different.
I am looking for family counseling, but so far all I have hit are waitlists. I am not sure what I am looking for from the Hive. I don't think this is a JAWM post, but be gentle with me please.
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Any town I've ever lived in has always set official hours for Trick or Treating. Is this not how it is done in your area?
I have never heard of setting hours for trick or treating!
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Maybe if the bookstores would lower their prices, they'd be more likely to stay in business & compete with Amazon, etc.
They can't because they can't order in the same quantities as Amazon, and the expense of having a physical location is much higher than a website.
Most local retailers aren't making much more than 10% gross margin on products.
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You could also read it as a woman's child.
I'm just thinking maybe there's an undercurrent of sexism here. Women need ground rules to protect themselves from men, sort of thing.
I guess I only noticed because I have sons!
I have 5 sons, and I didn't read it that way. Maybe start a spin-off?
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I would tell her to find:
Someone of the same intellectual level. The level of formal education is not important, but the desire and ability for self-education is.
Someone with hobbies and interests, even if they aren't all shared. It would be better to have some in common, especially if there is a particular one that takes up a significant amount of time/effort. They should be hobbies/interests that she can live with, too.
Someone who is able/willing to set goals and attain them.
Someone with a fulfilling career. It doesn't matter if it is high-paying, assuming that she intends to work, too. If it isn't high paying, then he should also be comfortable with her making more money than him.
Someone who looks for solutions to problems rather than just complaining about them.
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No, but I wish I had.
An innocent man spends 25 years in prison
in The Chat Board
Posted
I agree - what if he had been sentenced to death?!?!?!