Renee in NC
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Posts posted by Renee in NC
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:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray:
I have watched so many videos of police shootings in which the police escalated the situation by their behavior then shot someone behaving predictably in response. Coming from a mental health background in which I worked with violent juveniles, sometimes in their home settings with no back-up around, I can tell you that what police typically do is the opposite of what I was trained to do. And yes, I was sometimes in physical danger and I had no weapons. Here I am, alive and well. Calm, respectful behavior.... retreating when necessary. That actually works.
There are some videos on youtube of British officers interacting with men with machetes in situations in which the protocal in the US would be for the officers to shoot to kill because the men with the machetes lunged at them. What did the UK police do? Backed off out of reach, until they were able to take them down. Nobody killed.
I will agree that some cops are too ready to fight. My best friend is a cop, and he will tell you that he has had 4 fights in 13 years, and he has never pulled his weapon as a cop. He has a very commanding, intimnidating presence, and he is good at talking people out of being stupid. He has the reputation of being an SOB, but a fair SOB. He leaves his house every morning knowing he could be killed or have to kill someone, and he says a prayer everyday that it doesn't happen.
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I personally want police officers who can resolve conflicts with unarmed persons without fatally shooting them. I've seen cops effectively deescalate riskier situations than an unarmed shoplifting suspect and I really want to know why we are ok with officers who find themselves unable to do anything short of deadly force?
I am not surprised that there is no indictment. Can anyone name, without google, any cop who has been held criminally accountable after a case like this? In my city an officer (Birk) shot an elder, most deaf NA man (John T Williams) dead ON CAMERA and while he resigned and the shooting was found to be unjustified, the DA didn't press charges.
It's not like this is uncommon or any great shock when the cop gets off without criminal repercussions. The lack of shock though doesn't make it any more just or moral.
I brought this case up to my children last night when discussing what was going on in Ferguson.
http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/01/27/4643483/judge-denies-effort-to-block-grand.html
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Never mind. I don't have any reason to debate, and I don't think it will make things better.
I'm going to pray for the Brown family, Officer Wilson and his family, and Ferguson as a whole.
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You know what? I'm far too upset by this whole thing to even respond. I hope you can respect that. This is my town, and my heart is breaking tonight.
((((Amanda))))
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It was not a trial. You get that, right? They were just supposed to decide if there was probable cause to indict....for anything...for the fact that an unarmed man was shot for blocking traffic.
It wasn't a normal trial in that there was a jury chosen. This was a 9 white/3 black sitting Grand Jury that sits for a set period of time. They were not examined by prosecution to see what prejudices they might already hold.
The Officer did not get a trial and was not declared innocent.
I do get that. No one is declared "innocent" at trial - you are either guilty or not guilty (which does not mean innocent.)
I don't claim to know much of anything about what happened, and I don't have an emotional stake in it. I'm sorry for Michael Brown's family, I'm sorry for the community, and I am sorry for Officer Wilson, too. As I said above, no one wins in this case.
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I just do not understand why people would be happy that this officer doesn't get his day in court. That's all this was about, it wasn't about declaring him guilty.
He did, in effect, get his day in court. The evidence was presented, and the grand jury made its decision.
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I'll say it - I'm personally satisfied that they went over the evidence, testimonies, and circumstances regarding the case, and believed he was acting in a suitable manner for his profession and responsibility at the time. This wasn't cut and dry, flagrant overstepping of his duties as an officer, from all my little layperson assessment can tell.
I'm proud of the jury for not bowing to immense public pressure, because this was surely a more difficult decision vis a vis the current public sentiment than an indictment would have been.
(scurrying away under flameproof anorak)
I agree with you. At the same time, this isn't a "win" for anyone, as Michael Brown was still killed, and Officer Wilson's life was forever changed as well.
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Think about making your home an attractive place for all those "new friends" to come to.
And give it time. If the only problem your kids have had in making friends is access to kids, then school will probably help, but most school kids simply don't have time in the day to develop past the acquaintance stage. That takes time at each other's homes. You will probably get a mixed bag, so to speak. Some will only want to come over and play if you have all the latest stuff, some won't. You'll know who's who.
Also be prepared for most kids to be in afterschool programs that will mean they simply won't have time to play before dinner. And after dinner is homework time.
So be patient--you may find your children don't develop deep friendships any more easily. Sorry if that's discouraging.
DD goes to a big school with tons of kids. It is really hard to have anyone over, even in 8th grade. Her best friends, the deep kind, are from church.
Absolutely agree! My kids have been in school for 2 years now, and there aren't any deep friendships. There are a couple here and there, but even then the interaction outside of school is limited.
I know now that the deep friendships are not forged in school, but in common afterschool activities. My kids have not been able to take part in any, but I am working on a plan to make it happen this school year.
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Maybe I just have flaky friends, but relying on someone to be there to go walking/running/to the gym with would *not* work for me. :lol:
You have to find the right one. The workout partner I have now shows up and pushes me to do things I wouldn't otherwise do.
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Was the key to his house given to you? Or to his son?
If the key to his house was given to you, I do think it's your responsibility to make sure that whoever uses the key has his permission to use it.
If the key to his house was given to his son, then I would think it's no longer your responsibility...
So, who was given the key?
I had the key to his house, but I didn't give it to our son. The lawnmower was outside.
ETA: Good point about the key. I don't want possession of it anymore, so I can't be accused of anything. I'll have to tell him to find someone else to water his plants besides the kids.
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Thanks for the help. Bolt, you are right on. I was only telling him to tell our son, though, meaning that telling me was doing him no good.
I won't be taking the boys over there anymore - they will have to cut it when they are there on the weekends or he will have to do it himself.
Stbxh came here to get the key to his house, and didn't say another word about it. I'll bet he won't say anything to our son about it, but I will be giving him a heads up.
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Since it's stored at his dad's house, I would think he would need to ask permission of his dad before borrowing his possessions. Sorry.
Oh I agree with that! I just didn't think it was my responsibility to check to see if he did. It really never dawned on me to ask.
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If he were an XH, it would be easier, property stored at your house is at your discretion for who uses what when. I'm assuming none of that has been worked out yet?
No, this time when the 16yo used it, it was at stbxh's house (the 16yo moved it last week to his house for him.) I had nothing to do with it, and the only reason I know that he was going to use it is because he called and asked me what his brothers did with the key. I don't think he ever even used it, though, as it rained all day today.
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My stbxh called about a different matter, and I mentioned something about our 16yo taking his lawnmower to cut grass. He didn't want him using it, but has never told him that. He is angry at me, saying I should have made him ask him first. I say it is not my responsibility since he never told either of us he didn't want him using it. He says that since I am here (he works out of town) I should have stopped him. I told him now that I know that he doesn't want him using it, I will say something as long as he tells him himself. I kept saying to him, "you need to tell him these things." He kept telling me it was my job to make sure he wasn't doing something he shouldn't. He lets him use his truck during the week when he is gone - I never knew that a lawnmower would be a problem. I honestly thought it was good he was trying to make some money.
This seems to be a common theme. He is angry with our son about something - that he is using his truck, made a mess, etc. He tells me, but never says a word to our son. He expects me to since I am the parent here during the week. He says I refuse to discipline him, but he isn't doing anything or saying anything to our son about the things that are about him or his stuff. This has nothing to do with my stuff or what I want our son to do. Now the stbxh is telling me that "he wants to know what else is going on while he is gone." I have no idea what he means, but I still say this is not my responsibility if I don't know. (Can I also point out here that I am a single mother of 6 dc with a FT job and my mental energy is stretched beyond belief?)
I am biased by one of the main issues in our marriage - his refusal to take responsibility for anything. I carried the burdens of our family for 16 years, and I am not carrying his anymore. Maybe under other circumstances I would have been more apologetic, but honestly it dawn on me to ask him (since he lets him use the truck.)
Do I need to do something to make this right? How should I handle it in the future?
Edited to add: This is a used lawnmower that stbxh bought, then had our 16yo go pick up and get it running. He's used it here at my house before. The 16yo moved it to his Dad's house last week so my other boys could cut the grass there. I took them there Monday, and the 13yo and 11yo cut the grass. It isn't as if he never wanted him to use it, but not to make money I guess?
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IME, there tends to be more substance abuse in "the lifestyle" community (swingers)
I just wanted to quote this one bit. You keep mentioning "the lifestyle" in regards to swingers (who are not poly.) "The lifestyle" relates to the "kink" lifestyle, which often includes polyamory, but not necessarily swingers. Not all swingers are in the lifestyle, and those in the lifestyle are not all swingers.
(I have a couple of friends truly, "in the lifestyle.")
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It's legal in CA with a script. It's not a big deal IMO. I know plenty of adults who use MJ and still manage to pay their taxes and lead productive lives. Shrugs.
Yeah - I have a whole family full of them. They own businesses. They pay taxes. They don't drive under the influence.
No different than drinking alcohol.
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We were at the beach today. I LOVE the sun and hot of summer. I love to swim. I love to play in the sand, build sandcastles, etc. We live inland near a big lake that has sand "beaches." We go very often in the summer.
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See, I am wondering, don't people have grandmas or friends who could watch their kids for them twice a month? I realize that some might not, but wouldn't most?
I would say no. I went YEARS without anyone close by to watch my kids.
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Game fish excrement
Unintelligent burro
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ROAR by Kate Perry
It's my theme song LOL
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For me, strength training works better than anything else. If I strength train, whether with weights, machines, or body weight, I will lose weight.
For diet, dairy-free and grain-free works best for me.
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Yes, but I have never bought a new couch in my life.
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I would feel comfortable leaving mine alone with the almost 13 year old assuming I wouldn't be far away.
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if he doens't want the attention - he needs to wear a shirt. not wearing a shirt is sending a message - intentional or not - that he wants attention. the kind of attention he's getting would creep me out too.
Most men that I see running here (when it is warm) are not wearing shirts. Women run in sports bras. Men cut grass and do other yard work without shirts. Maybe it's a southern thing?
This attitude (that someone is "asking for attention") baffles me.
Ferguson
in The Chat Board
Posted
I don't know about the "uncomfortable for him" part, but I know several cops off the top of my head that carry tasers because they are required to, but won't use them. They are not as effective in a volitile situation as they are in training. In addition, someone who helped build our house years ago was killed when he was tazed, so it isn't always non-lethal.
As for the body cameras - I am all for it. It protects everyone in a situation
Edited to add - I am impressed by the father, not so much the mother, and definitely not the stepfather.