Slipper
-
Posts
1,317 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Events
Blogs
Classifieds
Store
Posts posted by Slipper
-
-
Thank you. I am sending an email today to explain the situation - not full details, just a general idea of what is going on with our family. The director of the cover school is the pastor at a church we hope to start attending and we see their family frequently at extra-curricular activities. I know he would understand, I just don't want to discuss it. I've been hoping that perhaps we were wrong, but our therapist yesterday gently explained some of the things that were coming out in therapy.
We are doing all we can for her (I hope) and my family doctor prescribed me some anxiety/depression medication a couple of months ago. He recently upped the dosage so I do okay except on therapy days. We come home exhausted. She starts seeing a psychiatrist in two weeks (unless we can get a faster appointment).
Thanks again.
-
My youngest is currently in therapy for trauma related anxiety. (We do not know all the details yet - she is too scared to discuss it much). She started therapy about two months ago after some concerning behaviors. The same day she saw the therapist for the first time, she began having nightmares. She's afraid of the dark, must have either DH or myself in the same room with her after dark and cannot sleep alone. This isn't just fear, she wakes up in panic attacks.
She has regressed in every way I could possibly imagine, including academic. We seem to do okay in many areas, but math has become very difficult. As soon as we try to move past a specific point, she panics and I have to back up and try again. She refuses to read anything past 'youngish' books. She's doing fine in history and science but started refusing to take tests two months ago.
Her therapist has stated that this is common for what we are dealing with and for me to keep trying and remain patient.
Our cover group requires students from second grade and up to take a standardized test at the end of the school year. Not only will she not do well on this, it's possible she will simply shut down and refuse to take it at all. (She's having some anger issues). I'm debating telling the cover school what is going on to see if we can get a pass on the test this year and try to catch up next year (third grade).
Should I just give up and have her repeat the second grade? My middle daughter is doing well and she won't have any issue with the tests, so I don't think it's my style of teaching. I have thought about getting a tutor but medical bills are killing us since her therapy sessions aren't covered through insurance. She needs a psychiatrist for medication and I'm not sure if he will be covered either. I could handle a one-time visit, but repeated visits are murder on my budget. After we see the psychiatrist, I plan to call my insurance company and explain the situation and see if they can help me locate someone.
I'm very discouraged and not sure what to do.
-
Thanks, that was the one. :)
-
A while back, someone posted a link to a printable book you could use to help plan a funeral. Does anyone have that link? We know that MIL is dying but she refuses to discuss any aspect of it. DH is the executor of her will and also the person in charge of planning her funeral. She has no other family able to do it. I told DH that if she won't plan it, that I will and do it now so we aren't scrambling and trying to figure out what to do.
Thanks.......
-
White bean chili-
Great Northern Beans
Salsa
chopped cooked chicken
chicken boullion (sp?)
Combine, heat and serve. I love it because I can cook the chicken ahead of time and then just dump everything together in a crockpot.
-
Sorry I haven't been more responsive, we're dealing with other things today.
We do not have the best relationship with FIL/Step-MIL. We had an awful argument with them this summer. One thing that sent us to our therapist was our youngest daughter's reaction to FIL's yelling at DH. Our youngest had nightmares for weeks that FIL would come kill DH. (For the record, we do not suspect FIL of murderous intent or anything else). However, she does not remember, at all, witnessing their actual argument. She has blocked it from her memory completely. It is possible that she has been avoiding them when they visit because she is still frightened of them. She knows that she does not have to be around any adult that makes her uncomfortable.
FIL/Step-MIL are deeply religious. We do not currently attend church (although I have found one that we will be trying this Sunday). I don't want my children to learn to "confess their sins". I want them to learn that they can talk to God about anything.
While I do not have the best relationship with them, I don't want to burn bridges because the rest of the family will need them when MIL passes. I do plan to talk with them about asking middle dd to intervene on this matter because it's inappropriate. I suspect they think I've been bad-mouthing them to the kids, which I haven't. I've told the kids that everyone has nutty relatives who do strange things and we love them anyway and that they love us. (Nutty because of various things that they do - ignoring the girls' birthdays, not having food available for our celiac daughter, etc - the kids' feelings get hurt).
It is my hope that we can resolve our youngest daughter's problems and I will be honest with FIL/Step-MIL about what is happening so they can at least understand my reasoning. If she had approached me, I would have told her that our youngest is having nightmares and a lot of anxiety at the moment. I can't give them more information than that at the moment.
I don't feel like step-MIL was trying to have a "granny and me" moment with dd. I feel like she was being manipulative and going behind my back. I'm very proud of my middle daughter for being able to navigate the situation and then tell me about it later. It felt odd to her or she wouldn't have mentioned it. I'm sure she has had plenty of "granny and me" moments with all four of her grandmothers that I know little about. She always tells me if she has done something wrong or if someone asks her to keep a secret. (Of course, usually the secret is that they had two sodas or something else that I am not overly worried about at a grandparents house). I feel that grandparents should spoil and have fun with their grandkids and I let a lot of things slide. But this situation felt wrong.
The most important thing is that my youngest does not need to feel like she is to blame because she already feels that way.
-
Thanks. We just got in from MIL's appointment. By the way, she isn't living here. She came here for a few days for Christmas. She lives about 1 1/2 hours away. We went to her appointment because she isn't thinking clearly. At this point, I don't think addressing alcoholism will help. (And again, I am not a liver expert or an alcohol expert - I drink maybe five drinks per year). She is estimated to have less than 35% liver function left with no chance of the liver healing itself. Her medicines aren't working and she isn't taking her potassium, which is dangerously low. The doctor encouraged her to move in with us or to an assisted living facility. She's refusing both for now, but I anticipate she will move here if she doesn't die first. Tonight she's back at her home with the neighbors checking in on her.
I'm not going to bother DH with his nutty step-mothers behavior when he is distracted out of his mind about his mother. He has no siblings. He will want (and need) his father in the months to come. I'm just going to let this slide and will talk to step-MIL about it next time we see each other. I do think she crossed a line involving my middle daughter. (With recent birthdays, the girls are 13, 11 and 8). They think I'm over-protective and it probably looks even worse recently since we don't know who to trust right now.
It's estimated that MIL has about 6 months left. I do believe that she quit drinking completely. She had a horrible time for nearly two weeks afterward, but was seeing a doctor during that time. I don't know if she had medication to help with the withdrawals (and I understand how dangerous they can be) but somehow she made it through. I don't know how much she was drinking but she would start around 5 AM (morning) and continue until she fell asleep that evening. She's done this all her life. Over the past few years she progressed from champagne to vodka.
I'm just emotionally exhausted at the moment. Thank you again for all the comments.
-
DId DH grow up in MIL's home?
Your choice to "time" news for your DH does not speak to a healthy, mutual, adult dynamic.
Cirrhosis is an evil disease. Meds can't cure it, but can help manage symptoms.
Has MIL gotten treatment for her alcoholism?
DH's parents divorced when he was young. He grew up mostly in MIL's home until he was 12 yrs old. Then he went to live with his dad/step-mil (and her son who is DH's age). That lasted about six months and then he went to military school until he graduated. He hasn't lived with either of them since that time. At military school, he came home a week-end every three months and split his time between them.
I'm a bit confused, MIL has not had treatment for her alcoholism but is no longer drinking nor does she want to drink at this point. I don't think she needs treatment (but could be wrong). I did talk her into seeing a therapist but that was for many things, not just the cirrhosis.
I'm about to leave but will pop in later tonight. Even though we disagree about DH, thank you for your concern.
-
Is MIL alcoholic? That would inform my response.
I know all about cirrhosis, regardless of etyology, it is the same disease.
About the codependent stress management for DH, I still say that is a prolem, not a healthy solution.
MIL is an alcoholic, step-MIL (who made the comments) is not. Step-MIL does not like MIL at all and there is already some stress as she thinks we spend more time with MIL. MIL has not had a drink in three weeks, but she is not in good shape, at all. Her abdomen and legs are swollen, her skin itches all the time, she tires easily, lots of vomiting/diarrhea, lost massive amounts of weight and looks about thirty years older than she really is. The last visit was when they told her she had cirrhosis. They wanted to talk more and scheduled this doctor's appointment for this afternoon. Most of the meds they have given her do not appear to be working as expected. We are trying to talk MIL into moving onto our property so we can help look after her (we have a small play house in our back yard that could be modified into a guest house).
I know very little about cirrhosis and MIL/DH know less than I. We're all worried that she may be dying.
You're right, DH does not handle stress well and I usually time any bad news carefully if I can. We won't be seeing his dad/step-mil for at least another few months, so I can wait a few days. That may not be the 'right' answer for everyone, but it's the best way for him.
-
I consider toddler-proofing to be part of being a good hostess. I cannot toddler-proof the entire house, it's too much since we no longer have little ones. However, I remove dangerous things throughout the whole house (break-ables, medication, chemicals/cleaners) and I designate a few rooms that are toddler proof. I try to also bring in toys from storage that would be appropriate for the age of the child visiting and have snack food (nothing huge, cheese sticks, capri-sun, cheerios, etc) available. It means that I'm more likely to have a nice visit with the parents if the kids are happily distracted. :) lol
-
Thanks for the replies. I need to clarify something - DH's mother is staying with us for a few days and was recently diagnosed with cirrhosis. DH and I are going with her in a few hours to her doctor's appointment. We are worried that it will be bad news. I do plan to tell DH but not until after the appointment today. And if it's bad news, then I plan to wait a few days. This isn't a long term 'secret' I'm keeping from DH, it's short term. I don't want his stress about his mother to cause him to explode on his father/step-mil and make a situation worse.
Also, it's not about the "loot" from step-MIL, seriously. I was trying to convey that I felt like they were already being passive aggressive prior to the incident.
thebacabunch - without going into a lot of detail, there is concern that my youngest has been exposed or victimized by some type of trauma. She had specific behaviors which caused us concern and we sought therapy. Once a therapist started talking to her about what has happened, her nightmares increased and unusual fears began. I don't believe she is on the spectrum, although it's possible she has underlying anxiety which is making this worse.
SKL - I wasn't interested in the loot, truly. Step-MIL and I had been having a pleasant discussion prior to Christmas and I thought things were going well on Christmas Day. That's why I was confused about being excluded in the 'money' gift (they handed out 8 envelopes with nine people present - it was very obvious and embarrassing with no explanation given). Then after middle dd told me what happened, I wondered if it was their way of excluding me from their concerns - basically a slam on my parenting skills. Yes, I would have been open if they asked me what was going on with our youngest (though I wouldn't have told them the truth because at this point, we can't with any of our relatives). I would have explained that she was having lots of nightmares and general anxiety. It was a confusing situation.
Cassy - Yes, I'm proud of dd. I'm thankful that she was able to deal gracefully with the situation and privately tell me her concerns (which were spot on).
-
My husband's dad and step-mother seem determined to dislike me, although I thought things were better between us. They came by today and I didn't worry when they gave me one gift while everyone else received several. After gifts were opened, they handed out cards with money in them, one for every person attending, except for me. That was a bit embarrassing (because it was very obvious) but they were full of smiles, hugs and enthusiastic "I love you's" so I thought maybe it was just me.
However, one of the gifts they gave my youngest daughter was Max Lucado's book, "Just in case you ever wondered". My youngest is currently in therapy. Since starting to talk with her therapist, she has started having nightmares, waking up with panic attacks several times at night, afraid of adults, afraid of dying, afraid of her family being killed, afraid of everything it seems. She sleeps with us at night and cannot be alone in any room of the house after dark. She has regressed in almost every area, including academics. Obviously, our home is stressed. None of our relatives know any of this.
My middle daughter had read the book previously and had reservations about my youngest reading it. It takes very little to frighten her these days. My step-MIL pulled middle dd into another room and suggested that she read it to our youngest and tell her that no matter how badly she messes up, God will always love her. Middle dd asked what she meant and step-MIL said that she could tell that youngest dd was "acting funny" lately. She told middle dd that she should let youngest dd know that in spite of messing up a lot, God would forgive her if she confessed her sins to him.
Middle dd agreed to do it, but didn't. She grabbed the book after they left and found me and told me everything. I'm hurt and furious that my in-laws would not discuss their concerns about our daughter with myself or my husband. I also don't like the secretive attitude they took in asking middle dd to say things to our youngest. I haven't told DH because he's still upset about our last visit with them.
I'm trying to look at this objectively. I'm trying to figure out how they meant this kindly. But we're not really happy at the moment with anything resembling "secrets".
-
What an odd situation! I agree with the previous posters that you did nothing wrong.
I have a housekeeper and she is rarely here during meal-times. On occasion, I ask her to work a few hours over. (She typically works three, but I might make arrangements in advance for her to stay a total of 5 or 6 hours). Once she is here for over four hours, I order a pizza from pizza hut and make it clear that she should take a break and eat something. And of course, I pay (and pay for the time she's eating). She brings her own soda, but I make it clear she's welcome to anything to drink while she's here (though she's only asked for a soda once).
I don't understand offering you food without offering to pay for your food. I don't blame you for being uncomfortable.
I give Christmas checks to our house-keeper, lawn care person, piano teacher and will probably send something to our dog groomer next year. I give to those who provide me great service through-out the year which makes my life easier. I don't expect anything in return - the most I've been given in return is a thoughtful Christmas card. If you feel you should do something, give them a Christmas card with something nice written in it.
-
Thanks for the info. :) This is for our daughter with autism. She's not much of a cuddler, she's a 'watcher'. 10 gallon would be the minimum I would want. I'm hoping for larger (and have a budget of about $150 since I know they have some humidity/warmth issues and I wasn't sure how much it would cost). I appreciate your help. :)
-
We are going to purchase hermit crabs as a gift for our oldest. We think she will enjoy watching them when they are out and think it's really neat to have a tank in her room.
Does anyone here have hermit crabs? I've read online about their care, but I'm looking for a practical list of what we need. I want to take good care of them, but I'm lost in a world of hermit crab terms and need some assistance. I'm hopeful that the pet store will have someone knowledgeable, but if not, I'm on my own.
-
Used to make holiday wreath bows?
-
Is it a rest for your hands (wrists) that goes underneath a keyboard? (I'm sure they have a name, but I'm not sure what it is).
-
What are some good books that would teach kids (ages 8 and up) about money? I'm interested in them learning how to save money, investing, interest and how to handle credit.
-
I had two ferrets for a while. Lots of fun and they were also trained to use the bathroom in one place. HOWEVER, they use the bathroom a lot as I recall. Cleaning daily is a must and maybe even more than once a day. I would not buy my kids one because of that reason. YMMV :)
-
As in Rammer Jammer Yellowhammer?
Roll Tide Roll :D
-
Thanks for the suggestions. I wanted to mention that we have a great relationship with MIL. She's not very reliable, but she has always been generous and fun. The girls are crazy about her. Her lack of responsibility has caused rifts with other members, but we never put expectations on her and realized that we would have to constantly remind her about things which worked out.
-
We think MIL is dying. She is an alcoholic and has been drinking all of her life. This summer she began losing significant amounts of weight and became tired, with both vomiting and diarrhea. Currently, her legs are so swollen she has trouble moving and she tires easily and is out of breath. Her abdomen is so swollen, she looks pregnant. She can't eat and continues to have vomiting and diarrhea. Her skin is yellow and she feels awful. She sees natural healing doctors so hasn't had any lab work until one finally suggested it earlier this month. We finally received the results and it appears that she has liver failure. She has a biopsy scheduled today.
She doesn't seem to understand her condition. She says she won't take any treatment (as she is opposed to doctors and medications) but becomes hysterical at the thought of dying. I'm at a loss for what to say. If I suggest treatment, she says she would rather die. If I try to be supportive, she becomes upset (not at me) and says she will take treatment. I fear that treatment (at this stage) will only prolong rather than cure. I don't think she's going to recover from this.
I usually know what to say in difficult times, but I can't answer her biggest comment. She will say, "Life isn't fair to me. But I know I did it to myself." I don't want to agree, that's heartless. But, i can't find anything comforting to say.
Any suggestions? DH is an only child, MIL's husband currently has alzheimers and is in assisted living and her other relatives have been alienated due to the drinking. She has us and her neighbors across the street who are taking her to all of her doctor's appointments.
-
Thanks for all the replies. :) I thought I replied last night, but I guess I didn't (still adjusting to the boards! lol).
I'm going to hope for the best but will talk it over with DH tonight. He plans on using the leftovers to feed a crowd of his friends on Saturday, so we may buy a turkey breast just to be safe.
-
We have 16 adults and 4 kids coming for Thanksgiving. I just found out that another adult is joining (uninvited) and possibly two more adults (uninvited) might show up.
I bought a 20 lb turkey and a 10 lb ham with lots of side items. Is that enough or will I need a turkey breast or something to go with it?
Valentine Exchange!
in The Chat Board
Posted
We'd love to participate again. Last year was so much fun! I have two girls - ages 11 and 8.