Slipper
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Posts posted by Slipper
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I cried when my daughter was diagnosed. I didn't cry because of her diagnosis, I cried because I had finally learned how to cook and all of my recipes were wheat. It was a new learning curve for me and not an easy one. You find your new normal. Now, it's easier to cook, but it's been several years. :)
I'm wondering if perhaps you mixed up your information about him becoming less sensitive over time? He will definitely become less ill (if he's had daily stomach aches, 'tummy' problems, etc) but my understanding is that sensitivity increases over time. My daughter becomes ill over the smallest amount and her reaction time has increased. A reaction can put her out for about 7 - 11 days.
Good luck. It's not easy on anyone. (I agree with the others by the way - no wheat grinding).
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My girls love to eat nuts - we currently keep walnuts, almonds and pecans on hand. After a trip to Sam's, I bought huge bags of nuts with the thought of keeping them in the freezer and only pulling out a small bag's worth to eat through the week.
My oldest is in braces (she just got them a couple of months ago) and has quit eating nuts. My middle daughter gets braces next week. My youngest will eat walnuts like a fiend, but doesn't overly care for the others.
Can I grind these up and use them in recipes? And how to I grind them? With a coffee grinder? Any suggestions on recipes?
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Are any of these what you are thinking? They may not be deep enough for your needs. I would like one of the cracker baskets myself.
It's similar to what I want, but yes, I need them a bit deeper. I want the basket on the floor of my pantry and the bread sticking up out of it. I want to be able to look in occasionally and make sure that no critters/bugs are in the bottom without having to remove all the bread to do it.
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I'm linking the kind I buy on amazon -
Schar has really good bread. This is soft and we love to bake it and then spread with butter or goat cheese. We also use it for sandwiches or simply for bread with our evening meal.
They are bulky to stack on a shelf though.
We just tried their rolls tonight and they were good as well.
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I am looking for a tall wicker type basket to put in our pantry to store bread in. We eat gluten free and I buy wrapped baguette type bread in bulk. They aren't large, maybe a little over a foot long. I'd like to stack them on end (standing up), rather than laying down though.
I was hoping to find something on amazon, but I can't locate anything. I need to be able to store about a dozen or more loaves at a time.
Suggestions?
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I'm on a destructive path with my FIL and his wife. We used to get along well, but things have been going downhill lately.
One odd thing we've noticed for the past few years is that they no longer acknowledge the girls' birthdays. They don't send a card or call (much less visit or a gift). I've explained this to the girls that this is something that they just don't "do". Some families acknowledge birthdays and some do not.
The odd thing is that DH and I always get a card and sometimes a gift from them.
I'm not in a happy place with them at the moment and I'm thinking about sending my birthday card back (should it arrive and this year it may not). My birthday is in a few weeks. Or, to send a thank you note to them and maybe casually include that the girls would enjoy receiving birthday cards or phone calls on their birthdays as well.
I just don't understand. This set of grandparents are very active in church and teach 3 yr olds (a fairly large group at that). Their "kids" at church get birthday cards (and get well cards). They are too busy to visit us (and complain a lot that we rarely visit them) but brag about how they make visits to their "kids" when they are not feeling well or have missed too much church. I know it's silly to be jealous of 3 yr olds. I feel like they visit other kids just for appearances. Their church positions are very rewarding to them.
I know they love our girls but I don't get it. It's such a weird relationship we have with them. In a weird way, I also feel like they would love them more if we went to church more often.
I typically ignore the odd things they do, but at this point, I have reached my limit with them. It takes a lot to goad me to action, but I'm there. (My middle daughter had a birthday recently and received nothing as usual. A week later she was hospitalized with appendicitis and they both drove 3 hours to visit her). At the same time, this is my husband's father and I feel obligated to not be too out-spoken. DH won't bring this up with them because he doesn't want to talk to them. At all.
I hurt when my kids are hurt. I need some tactful and thoughtful responses for a situation that is already difficult.
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My girls have done many things with DH. For a while, they were interested in computers and he showed them how to repair them. (I know it sounds odd, but they enjoyed it and now I can get dd11 to fix mine when I can't figure it out).
Currently, they enjoy doing legos together. We have a second house which he uses as a 'man cave' (and the house is old, so it's nothing fancy). They go over there. For a while, they took over the attic portion of a storage shed. I try to buy new legos every now and then and I always ask for legos when grandparents want to know what to get the girls.
The highlight is for him to take them to a new movie. (We live an hour away from the nearest movie theatre, so it's a big deal for us as well). Sometimes, we'll buy a new dvd and they watch it together.
They play card games, board games together. They walk through the woods and are currently trying to figure out a treehouse. They play soccer and sometimes jog together.
Occasionally, they decide they will cook dinner (usually something fun like pizza).
I think it really depends on what hobbies or interests both your DH and your girls have. Then look for some overlap.
I think Daddy/Daughter time is very important and I work hard to make sure they have materials to foster that togetherness.
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I would tell the Dad (and send cookies). But, I would tell the Dad while you are inviting the children over to play. I would be worried that he might think you are complaining about his kids coming over.
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Something similar happened last week-end at the game my daughter was cheering in. With 4 minutes left in the game, a player on the other team was hurt. He tried to sit up and passed out. He was taken away in an ambulance. He left the hospital the next morning and was just fine. :)
I hope things work out similarly well in your situation. Prayers being sent. :)
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I am not sure how to deal with the current situation because I would truly just tell her if she doesn't want to do something that is safe for our family, we wouldn't do it.
In the future, I wouldn't give her a choice, "Hey Mom! We want to invite you to our house for a special dinner for Mother's Day! Is Friday or Saturday better for you?"
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so glad things are going better. I am sorry. I hope you didn't feel attacked. I do understand that, while you (and all of us) wish that you dh would/could help out more, your reality is the way it is and you have to find a way to operate within your reality.
I understand about not being able to think with mess all around. I can't cook with a mess in the kitchen either.
Honestly I did at first but felt better with your second post. I have been in counseling before for many things. Something I learned was that I can't control other people, I have to figure out myself first.
I'm not opposed to asking him to do more, but it needs to make sense to him. If I can show how I have A, B and C under control but can't get D without his help, he will understand.
Thanks again :grouphug:
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Heart Mom- thanks. I’m working on a rotation today to simplify things.
Mommy2alyns – agreed and I think I have the bathroom solved. :)
Rosetyler – Most of our medical appointment problems are recent crop-ups. Middle daughter had an appendectomy a couple of weeks ago. Her appendix ruptured during removal and we were in the hospital for five days. Oldest daughter was diagnosed with a UTI last week. Dentist told me this week that we must fix middle daughter’s mouth and there’s a strong chance that her permanent teeth are being damaged so I need a second opinion from a different ortho. I haven’t thought about taking off the whole month from school, but that sounds appealing. I need to lower my academic standards and what I want to accomplish in each subject. (To clarify, even with lowering they will be miles above PS, but I like to do extras with them). Hiring a babysitter to come over and help out so I can go shopping would be a lifesaver.
SKL – DH is also diagnosed with narcissism. He feels badly when I point out that he’s been inconsiderate. I spoke to him last night and while I’ll still do the meal, he will consult with me next time prior to volunteering me.
Mamakim – I don’t know. It’s a gas stove and when they are near it, I see them going up in flames in my mind. DD12 can’t use the stove. DD11 has been allowed to stir things on the stove but that’s all. She also can’t reach it very well without a step-stool (she’s very small). She is allowed to use sharp knives and I’m teaching my 7 yr old to use a sharp knife. DD11 can use the oven, a rice cooker, the microwave so she can put together simple meals, but the stove still alarms me. I’ll consider asking DH to do a trial shopping trip (sticker shock and all!). DD11 would love to go with him and she is an expert at picking out her food. I have no qualms sending her anywhere as she can educate people on what she can eat and how to prepare it.
Spryte – no shopping services here or within driving distance. :( I do order special items online from amazon because they are cheaper and easier to purchase. (A decent store is about 45 minutes away – the gf stores are an hour or more. If I can order most of my gf stuff online, then I can go to the store that’s not that far away).
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Sorry it took so long to reply! A cell tower was damaged nearby and it knocked out my internet and cell until late last night. I’m going to combine replies and thank you all again for helping me out.
To update – I made a list (long) of bathroom rules and a bathroom schedule based on suggestions from here. I take care of my oldest first, and tidy up anything that is out of place (nothing big, just tidying). My littlest bathes next and brushes her teeth. She cleans up her mess. My middle daughter inspects after her (and will find me if littlest doesn’t clean properly) and then takes her bath and brushes teeth. Then she wipes down the counter and changes the trash can. I put limits on towel usage. (It was a very long list). It went well last night so I’m hopeful.
I also set up a chore system for the kitchen which has the two girls cleaning after breakfast and dinner (which frees me up to do oldest daughter’s personal care). They also have a list for laundry but that will need some tweaking.
Fairfarmhand – I did mention in my first post that DH probably can’t do more. He and I have a good relationship but part of that is because he has space to unwind and demands on him are low. He has his own stress to work through and I don’t want to complicate it. If suggestions are made for things that I see will fit well in his schedule then I will suggest them. I know it may not make sense to many people. Thank you for your concern. I feel overwhelmed but I don’t think I’m about to breakdown.
Nestof3 – I spoke with DH and he’s helping look over the chore lists and enforcing it with the kids. He would also be willing to pay for extra cleaning or other help. Once I have my thoughts and systems clear, I don’t mind putting down rules for him to follow (such as cooking his own chicken or looking after his own friends). He’s typically reasonable if he feels that everyone is doing their part. Yes, please link on amazon for bed pads. My oldest occasionally has medicine reactions which cause severe vomiting and diarrhea.
Susan C – my house does slide a bit. It makes me a bit crazy though. I can’t seem to think when I’m surrounded by clutter. My family teases me but I cannot cook any meal unless the sink is empty and clean. I have a great housekeeper. She never knows whether she’ll walk into chaos or calm. She does whatever is necessary (which has occasionally included telling me to go to bed and she’ll bring me some soup).
Soror – thanks for the list. It’s helping to see how much others expect of their kids. I worry that I will overwork them. The gf cooking is one of my main problems I think.
Amo mea filiis – yes, she needs order and routine fairly consistently. Her anxiety flares up mostly if I’m not around. She doesn’t have to take a bath nightly, but she’s getting close to 13 and puberty is VERY close (which will change a few things). She has body odor so we can’t skip too much and her skin is starting to break out. Plus, the oil around her eyes causes eczema type reactions which lead to bacterial infections in her eyes. The ointment (after insurance) is $40 (plus 40 for the eye doctor to prescribe it). We have a complicated eye wash routine we do nightly. I agree with you about DH but it is what it is for the moment. I can’t straighten out his stuff until I have things organized here. (And there is a VERY high chance that MIL will be moving onto our property as she is having significant struggles with her husband in the hospital).
Continued....
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I didn't read all the replies, so forgive me if this has been posted already. I have a non-verbal child with autism who is in public school. I would love if her teachers offered to come visit. (They are great, but home visits aren't really done around here). I would see this as a powerful opportunity to share what we do at home and our overall home life. My daughter is very fixated on her schedule and her way of doing things. If they are doing the smallest things different at school, she wouldn't be successful. Here, they would see the things we work on and I would hope they would make suggestions on how we could improve things we do. (I feel good about what we do with her, but I am so used to doing things for her that occasionally someone steps in to remind me that my daughter can do certain things herself).
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A couple thoughts.
I don't really understand why the bathroom is such a wreck. Your girls are old enough to hang towels, put them in a hamper, put caps on toothpaste. It seems to me that you are bring treated like a maid. I understand you have one with severe autism, so I'm not referring to her. If I see my son leave something out, I just tell him to put it back. If you don't hang towels and reuse them (which I think you should given your struggle with laundry), have the last person who showers wipe down the sink and floor with the towel and tidy the sink. My kids were able to put things back where they belonged way before six. Same goes for their hobbies. I'm all for creativity, but no one moves onto another activity until she has cleaned up the first or at least at clean-up times.
Second.
Gluten-free doesn't have to be that time-consuming. My mom has celiac and I was gluten-free for months. If you bake bread, make a basic mix. Make use of rice and potatoes. I try to keep my dinners simple and at 30 minutes. Come up with 7 or 14 dinners they are easy and good. Write them on index cards, one meal on each. Each weekend, choose 7, shop for ingredients, then you are prepared. Personally, I find the whole cooking ahead thing to be a pain. I will make extra of something that might and freeze -- spaghetti sauce, chili, etc. That gives me backup dinners. Choose crockpot meals in activity night.
Honestly, I don't care how fabulous and gifting and deserving a child, I would never have activities four nights a week.
Tell your daughters to unload the dishwasher. Put them in the dishwasher as soon as you are finished with them. If your girls slack, tell them to put them in. Do not clean up after them. They catch on.
I cannot remember, and it's hard to scroll on an iPhone, but can your husband take your daughter to school?
The bathroom is completely abuse on their part. I agree. I'm reading and replying one at a time so scroll up for my bathroom thoughts. I just finished writing a bathroom schedule that should make things much better. I usually only notice it after they are asleep.
I struggle with gluten free cooking. I can get it right, but then I get bored. I do need a menu rotation with tried n true type recipes. I'm in the middle of a bored phase which is why I'm trying something new (plus, it's helpful to have something ready when we get back).
I was worried that i would come across as saying that my snowflake was so brilliant she needed constant stuff. :) I hope it's not sounding like that. She does have a constant drive for activity and learning. She takes karate on Wednesday and a dance class on Monday. We signed her up for cheer because last year, cheer practice was one night a week. This year, the coach decided they needed three nights a week plus game night on Saturday. So, she has cheer practice on Tues/Thurs. (This is our last year for cheer because of it. We skip the Monday cheer practice for dance). She also has piano on Thursday, but that's during the day and right next door to the library so it's easy to arrange. (My other daughter and I go to the library, since we go weekly, and she just walks over after piano). My youngest daughter has dance on Monday and baton on Tuesday. My youngest has low self-confidence so her activities are important to us (actually more important than my middle daughter's activities).
My plan was to do school in the morning, unwind in the afternoons and extracurriculars at night.
I also just finished a kitchen plan which will have the girls doing dishes for breakfast and dinner.
DH might be able to take our oldest to school. I'll check and see if he can arrange his work schedule. That would be awesome. Thanks :)
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Let your husband handle the meals he has promised to the family in need. He can buy stuff ready-made (on the way to their place) or provide simple stuff that the family can heat up. He can also serve store-bought snacks or carry-out to his men-friends on the weekends.
He should take care of his man-cave. If that means having a maid come in an extra time, so be it.
Don't let the kids have any screen time until they have done a reasonable share of domestic upkeep each day.
Try to get some schoolwork done in the car / at the docs' offices when you are on the road a lot. My kids do memory work, spelling drill, reading, and some mental math in the car most days. (We also eat in the car often.) It's necessary given our very busy schedule.
Is it possible to cut down on laundry? Try to re-use more and give things more time between washings. With sheets, towels, etc., wash and re-use right away to save the trouble of folding. Let the kids sleep in their clothes where possible.
Can you plan for the occasional "picnic lunch" or "picnic dinner" that requires practically no prep or clean-up?
I have a reputation as a great cook. I mostly cook homemade (and around here that automatically puts you in the category of a great cook), so he likes to brag about my cooking. His friends brag that they get to eat here. (Honestly, I consider myself average but I use absolutely fresh ingredients which makes the difference in my opinion). That's why he volunteered me. I'll probably double up on a freezer meal.
I am going to turn the man-cave into his project and I'll just pop in once a month or so to make sure it isn't getting too creepy-crawly.
Screen-time has become a problem. We haven't been taking anything to doctor's offices other than books, but I can probably change that.
I just finished writing a bathroom schedule that will limit them to sharing washcloths, one towel (that will be hung up) per child and sharing a dry cloth for brushing teeth and wiping the sink. That should help immensely. Whenever possible, I already strip beds, wash and remake them.
We eat little amounts of things for lunch which the kids make themselves (fruit, cottage cheese, lunchmeat, crackers). I don't know how to do a gluten free picnic type lunch that would be easy. I'm drawing a blank.
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Is she in night diapers? Do you use washable and/or disposable bed pads? You can double make the bed for ease at night; mattresses protector, disposable pad, sheet, disposable pad, sheet. This way if there is a night problem, you just strip one layer of sheet and pad to the clean set. Keep multiple layers to protect the mattress. If she's not in night diapers, have you considered it? It really does help.
What tools do you use to teach the oldest?
I understand that dh is uncomfortable bathing oldest because of age, but can he look at from a medical or business perspective? What happens if you get sick? Someone has to contunie her care.
As for the bathroom mess between the next two- unacceptable. First you bathe oldest, then youngest takes a shower because youngest should go to bed sooner, then middle child goes last. Hang up a schedule for step by step bathroom usage. Your 7 can absolutely pick up after a shower.
No, she started tearing apart diapers so we discontinued those altogether. Her night-time is okay unless she is sick or stressed. It tends to come in waves. Right now, we're in a wave where she wets the bed 1 - 2 times a night. I move her from one bed to the mattress on the floor and then in the morning I change the sheets on both beds and wash. I have used multiple layers on the bed and it does help. When things get really bad, we go back to that since I may not have time to make up the other bed (during the night, I will put off many things until morning unless it's an emergency). We use waterproof plastic covers with a soft top to protect the mattress. I have about five of them (one for each set of sheets). Also plastic and cloth covers for the pillows.
I'm not sure what you mean about tools? We use reading milestones to work on reading (teaching a non-verbal child to read is difficult and took a bit to start and continue encouraging the public school teachers who are very good once they realized she could read). We use PECS for communication and she is a whiz at it. We cannot afford voice output devices and they aren't covered by insurance (she isn't on public anything). She has trouble answering questions and the only thing she is consistent about is answering "How are you?" (I am mad, sad or happy for answers). If we ask her to point to her nose she has trouble. She does better if we show her things and is very compliant once she realizes what she needs to do, even if she doesn't like it. She's considered very bright, all things considered. She is not expected to ever live independently.
The other girls have stepped in before to help bathe her, but the last time I was gone (DD11 appendicitis - hospital 5 days), oldest dd wasn't bathed. My youngest daughter wiped her down with a washcloth. DH said he forgot to bathe them. (Not sure if that's the truth). If he had to, I think he would, but bathing includes washing hair, washing her face and eyes (she gets eye infections) and medicating her eyes, using special soap on her eczema spots (and then medicating), brushing teeth (she now has braces on some of her teeth) including flossing and fluoride (she can't spit). Occasionally, we clean ears (she covers her ears so dirt and food are trapped in them at times), cut nails and do random inspections of moles, looking for weird bruises or scratches, ec. He can't take over that job. It's very time consuming. Since he does breakfast, he doesn't feel like he should have to do dinner dishes. (After bath time, I just wish the kitchen would blow up and go away).
I agree about the bathroom. It's absolutely ridiculous. I just haven't taken the time to completely address it. I'm glad they are attending to personal care, but it's unbelievable how it looks. (I tidy before they go in while oldest dd is soaking in the tub). I'm making that list today for them.
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ok. I get that.
My dh is kind of similar.
So here's what I would do. sit down with dh and tell him that the next few weeks are going to be brutal. How are the TWO of you going to handle this? I get high stress jobs and needing to unwind, but you have some serious stress going on too. He needs to at least be able to come through for you while thing are out of the ordinary. I'd have a list of 6-8 things that he could do every night to help you out and let him pick 4.
This could be straightening the bathroom once the kids are done, dinner dishes (or cooking), folding a load of laundry. etc. They don't have to be big things but they will make a big difference to you.
Also, laundry is simplified if I wash EVERYONE's clothing separately on their laundry day.
Thanks, I'll try both suggestions. I do wash DH's laundry separately because he keeps his work clothes simple - it's basically 5 pants, shirts, socks, underwear. That might work out for the girls and I as well.
Sheets can be brutal if oldest dd isn't feeling well. Sometimes she can soil sheets multiple times a night (it's anxiety related). We keep a separate mattress on the floor in her room to make this easier.
I'll pick out some chores and ask him for help. His stress level is such that he can't do much more, but I do think he could do more on the week-ends.
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I'm sorry...but if you're struggling with being overwhelmed, your husband shouldn't be spending a "couple of hours" in his man-cave each day. He should rearrange his day so that his "unwinding" hours are while your children are asleep. What time does your husband get up each morning? You mentioned that he goes to sleep at 8:30, which seems very early for an adult (obviously depending on what time he gets up). How many hours of sleep is he getting?
What time are your kids getting up each day? What time are YOU going to sleep and getting up each day?
Is there any way to consolidate doctors appointments so that you can do multiple visits in one day? It sounds like you live far from things. To maximize time, you'll need to spend less time driving back and forth.
I agree with previous posters who talk about starting a load of laundry each night (or morning, whichever works best for you). It has really enabled me to stay on top of our laundry.
:grouphug:
DH has anxiety and OCD. Things were under control until his best friend (of over 25 years) was arrested for a child related crime. DH and his friend worked together and after the arrest, DH had to assume more work. This was not quite a year ago and really, DH hasn't been the same since (and won't seek counseling). (For the record, after investigation our children were not involved but we had several months of questioning by law enforcement over concerns that they might have been involved. This was very stressful for all of us.) I think DH feels betrayed by his friend. His new job duties are more stressful and he wants to quit his job. He comes home and unwinds next door.
It was at that point that he started going to bed early. He wakes up around 5:00 am and goes next door (he has his computers linked to his job) to trouble-shoot problems before going to work. He comes back at 6:00 and starts making his lunch for he day and breakfast for the girls. He gets them up and fed (and medicine for my oldest) and leaves for work at 7:00. (He has an hour drive in).
I might be able to consolidate doctor appointmens and will try to do that. I might even see if I can rearrange some that are coming up. The biggest problem is that my oldest is in public school from 7:30 - 2:30. It takes an hour to get to doctor appointments, so it's a tight squeeze to drop her off, do the appoinments and make it back on time.
I go to bed around 11 or 12 (closer to 12 and sometimes later, depending) and I wake at 7:00.
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Can the 12 year old follow a basic picture schedule? Can she do anything independent, consistently?
I know you said that cutting back on outside activities is out, but is there anything you can do? What activities do you have? How long each night?
I used to do martial arts and I loved it. I went twice a week. But, it was an hour there and back, plus two hours for class. I would come home exhausted to a dirty kitchen and house. I tried various things (including only hot dogs on my nights out), but then realized that everything was slipping on those nights - homework, baths for eldest dd (she's at an age where DH is not comfortable bathing her), so I gave it up. There's nothing local, not even classes on flower arranging, etc.
Yes, dd can follow a picture schedule and she is bright and sweet-tempered. She loves to help me cook, but the only thing I've ever had her do consistently is prep asparagus (breaking the stems off) or shelling peas, etc. She can't use knives. She can set the table with help. The other two girls love to teach her things but it's typically dance moves, fist bumps and imitating "Roll Tide". (She's functionally non-verbal). We're trying to teach her to soap herself off, but she lacks a lot of hand strength (she doesn't like to firmly grip things which makes cutting, brushing, bathing, hair difficult).
She can fold towels that are perfectly square (like washcloths) but she can't tell the difference between bath and kitchen so we have to go back through behind her.
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could your dh do grocery shopping with the girls on the weekends? That would give you a couple hours to do schoolwork alone.
Or if he's unwilling to do it long-term, would he be willing to do it for just the next few weeks until life settles down?
No. I can send him for a few things, but my lists are typically long and sometimes the gluten free ingredients are complicated. I can send him for 5 or 6 things. I think he would die of sticker shock if he knew what stuff actually cost.
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Have you seen the gluten free crockpot blog? Maybe someone can find it and post the link, if not, it's in one of my gluten free threads.
No clue on laundry advice. There are only 3 of us and i can never keep a good flow. I fail at getting it all put away, so we've always got clean clothes, you just have to dig through the pile.
I think so. I saw someone posting about it recently and followed it and fell in love. I have all my meals ready through Saturday, waiting in my freezer. I also have salad material prepped and veggies already chopped to be steamed. All I do at night is either make potatoes or rice and iced tea.
This is my first week doing it so some of the recipes are hit/miss. But I think it's going to be grea for us.
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What is contributing most to the mess on Monday? At the end of the day, and throughout, have people put things back in their homes. Have your -- year old sweep and vacuum. If your husband is making the mess, tell him he will need to clean up after himself or you'll have the waning crew come twice a week.
I like to start the morning withy house being fresh. It keeps me sane.
The week-end makes the mess. I spend most of my week-end planning a menu that works for the week (taking into consideration a lot of different diets and schedules), shopping, prepping, cooking, and planning school for the week. (I write out assignments for each day and put them in a binder. It works perfectly for me but it takes some time).
DH sometimes takes the girls next door to play games but sometimes he's at work. If I'm busy shopping or cooking, (and if I'm really busy, I don't like them helping me) they are left to their own amusement. My optimistic description of them is that they are very creative and their creativity lingers all over the house (paper, glue, scissors, crafts, etc). The bathroom at the end of the night is a disaster. I bathe my oldest dd first, then the other two fight over who showers next and by the time teeth are brushed, there are towels everywhere, toilet paper on the floor, tubes are missing caps sometimes toothbrushes are in the sink,........and they are fast asleep.
I hate waking up to a mess. If everything is clean, I feel at peace with myself.
At the end of the evening, the dinner dishes need to be done and I'm exhausted. I typically go to bed around 11 or 12 once I have things straightened up, but I need 8 hours of sleep or I'm drained the next day.
The kids are the problem on the week-ends and DH is not often around to help. (Part of that is not his fault and part of it is his fault.)
(Sorry for the disjointed reply. I'm tired and stressed with their current medical stuff.)
Oh and yes, we do have help. The lawn is completely taken care of. The housekeeper is for three hours and she either cleans if the house is a wreck or does floors, bathrooms, windows, etc. She is here today which means that tomorrow is our best day to start fresh with a new cleaning schedule.
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Thanks for the suggestions so far. I am trying to catch up on paperwork and get some medical files today, so the girls have 'homeschool lite' today (not horrible, but it's not what I want for them).
I am trying to write out a schedule for them to do. Every time I write it out, they do it for a few weeks, but then it slides when my attention goes elsewhere.
To clarify, my 12 yr old can do very little in the way of chores. We are trying to teach her to put dirty clothes in the basket (but she cannot sort yet). Her autism is such that when I say her personal care takes about an hour and a half, it's because I'm washing her hair and her body. I am brushing her teeth. She isn't able to cook, we sometimes have to feed her.
However, my 11 yr old is very good at things. I won't let her use the stove (personal fear of fire after being in a fire when I was young at my grandparents house - my grandmother walked away from the stove and the pan caught on fire which then spread), but I do let her use the oven. She is able to prepare simple meals but our extra-curriculars are at night Mon-Thurs and some Saturday evenings. She loves school and has taken over teaching history (SOTW) to my 7 yr old. She is a huge help (when she wants to be) but the trade off is that she gets lots of extra-curriculars. (She's highly competitive and tests as gifted).
My 7 yr old is getting better at helping but her anxiety has been high lately (for various reasons - she gets stomach aches/vomiting when she's excited or upset).
My main stability is my husband waking them up in the morning and breakfast being taken care of when I wake up. (I usually then get my oldest ready and take her to school). I like the idea of having the girls take care of breakfast dishes while I drive my oldest to school (it's about 30 minutes round trip). They could also do laundry of some sort at that point.
Overwhelmed
in General Education Discussion Board
Posted
Honestly, I could've written your post (minus the doula and church job). It is overwhelming.
I have assigned my kids more chores to do (which has helped) and given my husband a 'honey do' list (dry erase board on the refrigerator) that he slowly accomplishes. I'm slowly hammering out a routine.
Do you have family nearby? I'd go ahead and look at what a housekeeper would cost. We have someone come in 3 hours a week and it's a lifesaver (and not that expensive).
All the best.