I know people take their small 5/6 year olds in in violation of the posted policy. I don't think anyone cares; no one's said a word when I've been there. I personally don't, because a) my son looks 8, and b) I thought it was a good time to ease him into more responsibility, as I'm really comfortable with the facility and set up. If I thought he weren't capable of changing from a suit to underwear & pants (shirt and shoes added in the hall) with me standing at the door talking to him and hurrying him along, I'd find another way that didn't involve surprising undressed women and girls. Sometimes we have to scaffold our kids in areas where they don't match the level of their average age peer or the expected level of a particular organization. I've certainly done it a lot. We've left groups, avoided groups, and asked for accommodations numerous times. I called around to 6 different churches before I found an AWANA program that would let me volunteer even though I wasn't a member of that church. I wasn't comfortable with leaving him with strangers, and felt he could benefit from me there to manage his boisterousness which can be extreme in a group setting. According to my standards, he needs me there in this situation, even if most 6-year-old boys are OK on their own. But I would never dream of willfully violating an organization's policies for my own convenience. As others have pointed out, no one is forcing her to send her boy into the men's room alone. She also has options other than dropping the facility. 1) Wait for the family bathroom. 2) Watch the family bathroom and get in when there is a break, even if it means leaving earlier than she'd planned. The kid's lesson is over, just free time remains. 3) Get a key even if she's not willing to wait or watch, and happily discover there is actually NO WAIT THAT DAY. 4) Dry him poolside, have him put on sweats over his mostly dry suit. It's 40℉-45℉ outside, he won't freeze on the way to the car. I think she needs to be more creative in supporting whatever her kid's needs or hers are without infringing on the desires of others who should be able to rely on the posted policy.

I'm not sure of his age other than to say there is NO WAY he's 5-7. So regardless of whether he's "only" 8, his mom is violating the posted signs that women expect to be able to rely on, and his presence IS making people uncomfortable. I have a monster 6-year-old kindergartener who is often mistaken for 8. Plus he's in Level 3/4 and all the others his age are in Level 1 so he's with the older boys. I have no doubt people think he's older--it's been an issue since he was a toddler. I'm more aware of this issue than the average parent, and I'm usually good at guessing actual age. I would estimate this kid is around 5 ft. tall, so maybe 8 if he's at the top of the charts like my son. I have no plans for an in-the-moment. confrontation. It already failed anyway when a half-naked woman tried it. I was debating sidling up to her during lessons and saying something then, but it would probably be too awkward as well, though I feel like if she were open to chatting we could work out a solution like our boys buddying up. Maybe I could lead with that? She may very well not attempt it again after having a week to consider the reaction she got. That would be great. Logistically it would be difficult to alert the staff in the moment. I'd have to ask them to send someone around that time and hope the timing were right. Unless there happens to be a free lifeguard/swimming teacher on deck. That might be good; they're polite but very good about enforcing the rules.

Sorry I might have missed an answer. My original was really aimed that those who said there was no way their neurotypical boy would be in the men's room before 8-10.

My guess is it weeds out highschoolers in favor of "real" adults ;).

As naturally happens in this kind of thread, this discussion has moved away from the facts in this particular case to experiences and different varied facilities. Which I totally expected and understand as we like to talk these things through ;). For those who don't want to wade through everything to find the particulars in this situation, I'll summarize and add some details. Kids 0-4 are allowed in the opposite gender locker room. 5 and older must use their own gender's room or one of two family bathrooms if accompanied by an adult who has requested a key. The family bathrooms are spacious and open directly to the pool area. They can definitely be busy at times, but ON THIS DAY ONE WAS OPEN. The woman lied about the staff running out of keys. This is a 2-hour homeschool swimming block from 11-1, including 30 minutes of lessons. This boy's lesson finished at 12:05, so there was lots of time for the mom to plan access to the family room before 1:00. There are only 22 kids ages 3-10 in lessons that day, plus a few assorted homeschoolers who are members and come to hang out for free time and don't pay for the class (an incredibly reasonable $5 for non-members). Most people leave by 12:30, so the family rooms have little to no wait after then. There were 2-3 other boys ages 6-10 changing in the men's room at 1:00 when this lady came in. The locker rooms are not huge or maze-like. Easy in and out. I can hear every word my son says when I stand in the doorway. The men's room is exactly like the women's, with 6 curtained shower stalls, 3 doored changing stalls, and an open locker area. The only difference is the substitution of urinals for part of the toilet stalls. They are around a wall from the locker area. The mom and boys were in and out in 5 minutes (during which it was unusually, completely, silent). No one has answered my question about whether a typical 7-10 year old could be expected to enter the men's room with just his trunks, towel, underwear, and pants and return unscathed on the other side where mom is waiting, able to hear his every word. She can even call in to tell him to hurry, and this alert possible predators to the fact that he's not truly alone. My son is low on executive function skills, but he could do that much at 5 1/2 with me coaching and talking him through it beforehand. I really don't see what could possibly happen in 5 minutes in this situation.

Our particular family changing rooms are HUGE, so size is not the issue here.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Far too many kids have had that experience, including several close friends and family members of mine. I totally get that their comfort level with "normal" situations is different. If there were a history like that I can definitely understand the struggle to protect him, but not why it would preclude waiting for the family room (especially since there was actually no wait that day!). When I was an 8-year-old girl, I would have been mortified by a 10-year-old boy in my swimming class seeing me naked or even partially undressed. The fact that his mom was with him wouldn't change that. How awkward for her to have to see him for 6 more weeks of class and pooltime!

There was one woman of small kids I would definitely expect to use the family room. Her 4-year-old was in lessons and she had a toddler and infant in tow. She was unable to keep track of the toddler sufficiently and she ended up jumping in the lap pool fully clothed twice in one 30 minute lesson!! The first time a parent bystander beat the lifeguard in. The pool she jumped in was pretty far from where mom was sitting. I could definitely see her wanting her little ones locked in the family room for changing time! She had a stroller for the infant but the roaming toddler could definitely have benefited from being strapped in.

They don't pay attention to what kids you have with you when you request a key, so they aren't weeding out same gender groups. I think the concern is unaccompanied kids hogging it. Kids age 6 and up are allowed to be in the facility alone. I often see groups of 10-13 year olds wandering together. They can be really annoying in the women's locker room when they yell loudly, dawdle in the changing stalls, and throw things over the stalls, leading to more screaming. I could see them messing around in a family bathroom if they had a key. Getting a key is simple--you just ask at the counter where you swipe in and leave your keys or ID. The staff assured me they don't run out of keys.

That's what I'm thinking. My personality would usually lead me to say something poolside about it first like, "I wish they had more family bathrooms so the wait was shorter. I got tired of waiting so I figured out how to get my 6-year-old in and out of the men's room quickly.". But she already blew off a startled elderly woman so I think it would be more likely that she'd be upset with me and know I was the one who alerted staff if she ignored me. For those saying you'd not send your 7-10 year old alone, would you really not given this setup: Boy rinses off in the poolside shower and towels hair and upper body. He goes in wearing only trunks and carrying his towel, underwear, and pants. Mom walks through the women's room and stands by the doorway. He enters a closed changing stall and removes his trunks, towels off, and puts on underwear and pants. He grabs his trunks and towel and meets mom in the hall. This would take about 5 minutes unless the kid dawdled excessively. While he is in there, mom calls in, "Son, be quick we need to go! Are you dressed yet? Don't dawdle!". This has the dual purpose of hurrying him and scaring off potential predators. She can hear his responses. My son is low on the scale of executive function development but he could handle this much at 5 1/2 when we first started going there for lessons.

I put 8 in an attempt to be generous because I have one of those giant kids :). Mine's 6 and the size of average 8-year-olds. If this kid is 8, he's the biggest one I've ever seen and far beyond my son's growth trajectory.

I think impatience (or laziness to walk back for a key since the family room was vacant) could definitely be a motivation. I know plenty of moms (homeschoolers and not) who don't grasp/believe what might set their 10-year-olds up for teasing. Or they supervise so closely that teasing from peers has never been an issue they've had to confront. She could easily think, "This policy is dumb; ten's not that old. I don't want to wait. Who will care?" then impulsively stick with it when confronted with people who do care! I'm curious to see if she modifies her plan next week after having had time to consider the reaction she got.

Yes, I've seen moms with two preschool boys or only girls use the family ones during busy times and I wish they wouldn't for the sake of others waiting since there are only two. Maybe containment issues for a runner is the motivation, IDK. The logistics are more difficult in the women's room if you're not comfortable with others possibly seeing you undressed. One woman (who I've now interacted with quite a bit) has let her 8-year-old boy shower alone in there for a full 20 minutes before joining him with her 4-year-old girl. That's just thoughtless, and also against policy as kids are supposed to be accompanied in the family rooms.

LOL, my son would do that. He once forgot his underwear and came out to the hall to ask me what to do so I told him to go without. He did take off his trunks though, but he's done similar random things. I think the issue is most likely just an unwillingness to wait. Once a dad complained to me about having to wait with his daughter on a particularly busy day. I told him honestly, I'd just take her to the men's room since she was tiny and barely 5. His response sounded like he was more worried about her seeing something than anyone caring. I shrugged and said, "Sorry you have to wait," and moved on.

It's OVER 4, so age 5. Which I agree is still young.

I doubt it, as he's swimming at a typical level for kids his age, not closely supervised during free time (his mother is far away sitting with all the others), and interacts with my son and others in seemingly typical way. I would expect to notice other signs if he weren't capable of changing alone. But if he does, there are still the family rooms. I personally wasn't too bothered as I was clothed, but the fact that others were uncomfortable and she still proceeded bothered me. She didn't say, "Oh I'm sorry, he needs help and the family bathrooms were full.". I think if that were true it wouldn't bother most people.

Maybe she's also not thought through the creative alternatives possible. That's why I was considering approaching her on the deck beforehand to give her my tips if she doesn't want to wait.

I think she's sacrificing the comfort of others by ignoring the posted sign for her own convenience. I think it is unfair to surprise undressed women and girls with the presence of a 10-year-old. There is a legitimate alternative in the family bathroom (which was open!), but I think she lied about the key because she had waited before and didn't want to wait so didn't bother to get it.

But there wasn't a line, and there is a 45 minute window between when the boy finishes his lesson and the session ends. And there are naked elderly women in the locker room who aren't OK with it. Plus there was an 8-year-old girl trying to change also.

Yeah, I think 5 is young to be alone too! Especially since 6 is the age they're allowed to be unaccompanied in the facility so it's inconsistent. But there are family bathrooms available.

We participate in a weekly homeschool swim lesson and free time at our local gym. The locker room signs state that all children over age 4 must use their gender's locker room OR use a family bathroom. There are two family bathrooms; to use one you request a key from the front desk. Today was the second time I witnessed a woman take her two boys into the women's room. The younger boy *might* be four but I didn't notice because he was still young-looking, maybe as old as 6. The older boy was *definitely* at least 8, though I would guess more like 10. She told him to close his eyes after they entered and saw women and girls were present in various states of undress, but didn't lead him in that way. One older lady confronted the mom, stating the boy was too old to be in there. The mom snapped, "Well I'm not sending him to the men's room! And they ran out of keys for the family bathroom." I doubted her story about the key, so I asked at the desk. They assured me that they hadn't run out of keys and don't. I suspect the mom lied because it is inconvenient to wait for the family bathrooms sometimes, as they are also used by persons with disabilities and caregivers and can be quite busy at times. But this day/time is NOT busy, and one bathroom was vacant when she brought the boys in. She took them to one of three closed changing stalls (which the men's room has too!), had them change quickly, then walked them out. During this time my 6-year-old was showering and changing in the men's room. I was unhappy with him having to go alone at 5, but we worked with it. At that point he didn't shower, just walked through in his swim trunks beforehand then changed into dry clothes after. I'd have him just put on underwear and pants then put on the rest in the hall to avoid dawdling. I waited in the hall where I could hear him talking/singing and called in for him to hurry up (there is no door, just a wall to go around and the room echos). I coached him on what's appropriate behavior from others and how to scream if needed. Now that my 2-year-old and I swim too, I let him shower as well. This mom does not swim and thus could do the same waiting in the hall trick, or if the younger boy needs help from her, have the older boy wait until she can stand outside. My question is, what would you do? Would you speak up if you were uncomfortable? Would you commiserate about the setup and offer tips that worked for you? Alert the gym staff? Wait for someone else to do it? I'm curious how others would handle it.

If it does end up being an abscess, applying a warm, damp tea bag is a home remedy that helps with the pain temporarily.

I wasn't disputing that your kid (or others) might outgrow specific seats by height before weight. I was just making people aware that there are options for tall kids or older small kids too. I don't know how high my son's seat goes, but I know he definitely has more height adjustment left. An 8 1/2-year-old at the 25th percentile would be the same height as him.

Britax Frontier and Pioneer seats can be used with a harness up to 90 pounds. My 6-year-old is on the big side at 4'2" and 67 lbs and still has plenty of adjustment spots left. My 11-year-old step-nephew is tiny--only 4 inches taller and weighs the same, so it's possible a small kid would still fit.

Here's some others discussing this topic: http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/205056/are-you-calling-me-a-liar