maize Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I know a mother with two young children (baby and young toddler) who is really struggling--doing her best to be a good mother but completely overwhelmed. Unfortunately she recently moved and is far from any established support network, her husband is not home a lot and is not always helpful when he is. She struggles with anxiety and depression (is receiving professional help). She's not getting much sleep. Is there any support available for people in this situation? The house is a mess, the babies cry and she can't handle it so she puts them in a room and closes the door (better than other options). I'm not judging her on any of this--like I said, she's doing the best she can but desperately needs (nonjudgmental) help. Any ideas? Where is the support for people who are trying their best but sinking fast? I'm worried but too far away to step in myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Can she afford to hire help? Call a local college and put up a job posting for an Early Childhood Education student to come in and give her a hand? Does she have a church? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 This is my life in a lot of ways. I have hired a mother's helper and a housecleaner. Budget stretching, yes. But my sanity right now is more important. I also blog. That actually helps because I comments and emails that say, HEY, my kids do the same things and it drives me crazy!!! And just writing is cathartic. "Desperate" by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae is a good book. On the religious side but still helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Can she afford to hire help? Call a local college and put up a job posting for an Early Childhood Education student to come in and give her a hand? Does she have a church? Their budget is stretched already. She has a church but she is new in the area and doesn't feel comfortable asking for help. I did wonder if she could find a MOPS group--at least to make some friends. I've never been involved with MOPS--would there be a chance for her to visit with other moms while someone else watches the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Depends on the MOPS. The ones here offer child care but they are all into crafts and are so large that craft hater introverter me was miserable. I wish I was close, I would commiserate with her. Weary, overwhelmed moms are dear to my heart. WWw.hopeforawearymom.com has helped me through some rough moments. I write at http://saragruver.com about life with two tiny ones and husband who isn't home a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 20, 2013 Author Share Posted March 20, 2013 Depends on the MOPS. The ones here offer child care but they are all into crafts and are so large that craft hater introverter me was miserable. I wish I was close, I would commiserate with her. Weary, overwhelmed moms are dear to my heart. WWw.hopeforawearymom.com has helped me through some rough moments. I write at http://saragruver.com about life with two tiny ones and husband who isn't home a lot. I took a look at your blog, I like the candid way you write. I'll pass along the link. Thanks! I do my best to commiserate, but I'm in a different phase of life now. I try to tell her things get better in time. Children grow, they learn to play together and don't demand mom's attention all the time. I never had two as close as she does, though. And I'm a naturally cheerful, easy-going person so wasn't dealing with the "I'm going out of my mind" anxiety she's faced with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 I feel daily like I am losing my mind. :-) Can I be honest? Sometimes I put the baby in the playpen, put Dora on the tv, and hide out in the bathroom for ten minutes with a cup of coffee. It doesn't make me a horrible mom, it makes me human. these are rough years, and in our culture many of us dont have the support system women once did. I firmly believe that we were never meant to raise kids without the community of mothers, sisters, aunts beside us, helping us. And yet we do now out of necessity, and it is hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 She and her husband need to meet with her therapist and come up with a plan for their family. Put the kids in child care. Look into intensive outpatient (inpatient?) therapy if necessary. Then re-evaluate as her recovery progresses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MedicMom Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 It doesn't sound like they can afford child care. Even with two full time wage earners in my house we can't afford child care for two kids. She may want to call her pastor to see if there are teen girls in the church who might be interested in doing some mother's helper sort of thing. She may be able trade a skill if money is very very tight, or maybe she can trade babysitting with someone. Even just a few hours an afternoon a week to sleep. Neither of my kids are sleeping through the night. DH, this week, is working 108 hours. He works 24 or 33 hour long shifts. When I work, it is also overnight. I have not gotten more than two straight hours of sleep in over a year. Sleep deprivation will play havoc with your mind amd body. Are you in a position to take the kids for a few hours a week for her? Struggling moms of young kids are my passion. Especially when Dad is gone a lot or not particularly helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wonderchica Posted March 20, 2013 Share Posted March 20, 2013 Some counties offer child care subsidies to assist lower income families. Maybe that would be good for part-time care so she can get some time for herself? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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