x-post editing

[choirfarm]

The Great General

Douglas MacArthur was a great general. There is much to agree and disagree in

this statement. His skills as a general are nothing less than outstanding in WWII and the

Korean War. But his loud words and actions did much to hurt his image. In the end,

MacArthur was a great general that could have been greater if he had remembered his

place, as a subordinate to the president.

Douglas MacArthur proved that he was a great general in World War II. He was

the commander ofthe American forces in the Pacific. When the Japanese attacked the

Philippines, MacArthur held them off until the President ordered him back. MacArthur

then told the Philippines in one of his most famous quotes, that he would return. He later

took a part in driving the Japanese back in New Guinea. He then began to slowly hop

from one island to another, driving the enemy back step by step, and doing it very

effectively. His island-hopping strategy was brilliant, proving that he was a great

commander. After World War II, he was appointed Supreme Commander over Japan. He

wrote the Constitution that gave everyone the right to vote, and helped it become one of

the most stable and successful economies of the later zo" Century. His accomplishments

during World War II proved that he was a great general. He had the lowest casualty rate

of any commander of World War II. He had done much to show he was a great general in

World War II.

General MacArthur also proved he was a great general in Korea, but it is also

where he forgot his place in matters of war. After the North Koreans had pushed the.

American and South Korean force to the end of the Korean peninsula, MacArthur struck

back with what is considered to be one ofthe most brilliant moves ofU.S military

history. He decided the best way to defeat the North Koreans was to strike behind their

lines at Inchon. The people at Washington opposed the plan, But MacArthur went

through with it anyway. The move was a huge success. MacArthur shoved the forces of

the North Koreans back towards China. The Chinese warned America ifit got to close,

they would attack. MacArthur knew that Washington would tell him to stop his troop

movement, so he stopped clearing his movements with the Pentagon. The Chinese

attacked and drove the Americans back. President Truman was afraid that the Soviet

Union would get into the conflict and turn it into World War III, so he planned to call

cease fire and begin peace talks. But before he could, MacArthur made a statement that

infuriated Truman. He called the Chinese a defeated army, and if they did not withdraw,

they would be wiped out. Shortly after, President Truman relieved Douglas MacArthur of

command. MacArthur's big mouth had wiped him of command. He had forgotten that it

was not he that commanded, but the president. It was the end of the great general.

MacArthur's military strategy in Korea was nothing short of brilliant, but it was also

where he showed his tremendous faults as a general. He had forgotten his place, and it

proved to be the end of him.

In the end MacArthur's generalship in the Pacific and Korea proved he wsa a great general. But in the end what killed him was his lack of knowledge that it was the president, the ocmmander-in-chief, who ws in charge, not him. Despite these faults, he will always be remembered s one of the greatest generals America ever had.

[choirfarm]

I haven't done it yet, but this is what I will do:

 

Let's look at this paper.

 

Son "It sucks."

 

Me: "Why?"

 

s- "I dunno. It just does. It sounds stupid."

 

Me- "Yeah, I agree. It doesn't really sound like you.. Can you count the number of times you used the word great in this paper?"

 

( He does so.)

Me- What does the word great really mean?? Can you explain? Let us look up some synonyms you might use instead.

 

 

Ok.. so just this conversation and changing the greats takes AT LEAST 15 minutes. We haven't gotten to passive voice, akward constructions, sentence variety, other vocabulary choices, strengthening details, etc.

 

 

So basically we sit and have conversations like this for 4 or 5 days and I finally get a decent paper.. But how much of it is truly his and how much is mine?? I mean he tries to figure out how to fix things and makes several weak attempts. Then I show him a better way which he keeps.

 

How do you get this to become natural? I can tell this 8th grader or my 10th grader to work on their verbs and make them strong, but they don't really do it unless I sit beside them. So.. this is part of the reason why my 10th grader cannot write a good paper in a week. His paper sounds like the one I submitted on another thread in this forum, and then it takes us another week to be an A paper. How do you get THEM to make it an A paper?? Isnt' there an easier way???

 

Teaching writing was never my strong point when I taught ps. I loved teaching literature. I placed out of freshman English and only had to take one other advance writing class. I made a B+. I wrote tons of papers and did ok, but I never really had a class that taught me how to teach it or really do it. I've learned more by homeschooling and stumbling around myself. But I'm still not good at it.

 

BTW, sorry about the formatting. I don't know how to paste a paper and get it to look like it does here. Then he had those last final lines on another page, so I had to type them myself as this was a scan and I can't get the formats to match.

 

Christine

[Kimber]

I read his paper yesterday, and I thought it was great. At the time, I was reading, not with an eye to edit, but just to enjoy it. (I was exhausted at the time.)

 

Anyway, I'm not sure how old your students are, but I think it's normal to have to sit with them and edit. I do that with my 11 year old son for every paper. And I still do it with my daughter for every paper. But in her case, my input is more offhanded comments that she either accepts or rejects. Sometimes, I just let her get it wrong, because she owns what she's written. I'm more pleased with that than I am with a perfect paper, because as she grows and matures her papers will too.

 

I don't know if that makes sense, but that's how I approach it. Basically, I don't try to make every paper perfect, but to get my child to do his or her best for that paper.

 

Feel free to ignore my pre-coffee rambling.

[1Togo]

I posted about this on the high school writing forum.

[Capt_Uhura]

I wondered about this until I took a Bravewriter class. Then I realized, this is a part of teaching writing. Now I have no idea how long I will have to do this so I'll just :bigear:

[Kareni]

Here's a link to the discussion on the high school board as there is valuable discussion there.

 

Regards,

Kareni