What do you do with family or friends that invite themselves on your outings?

[lynn]

My sister invited herself and dh, whom we can't stand to be around, on a trip we have planned in march. We will be within an hour of where they live so she wants to drive and meet us. I hate trying to meet up with people. We keep an odd schedule than others and just don't want the bother of watching the clock, we just want to do what we have planned without the hassle of meeting so and so here or there. Why does she think it's okay to do this. I guess we are adults and I need to address this and if she gets offended oh well.

[Storm Bay]

Honestly, my family would feel this was okay to do. And for many families it is. Does she know how you feel about her? I'm not recommending you tell her, but in the future you may wish to keep your travel plans secret or else go much farther away. What you may wish to do is to let her know that you aren't making any plans and that you can't guaranteee that you'll be in one place at one time. However, if you think this is going to cause stress to other family members you care about, you may want to bite the bullet and meet up one day. While I am not in the position where I can't stand to be around my family, I do prefer to limit the time I spend with some of them (so I live a couple of thousand miles away, but that's not just for that), however I do agree to do some things so that my mother doesn't get any more stress added to her life. Because my mother draws friends and people to her like a magnet and is a good listener, she frequently gets dumped on. Plus people look to her for help in times of extreme stress. Plus she's married to a surgeon.

[Mx5]

To me, it's no big deal to meet up for dinner or some activity for a few hours. It's another thing entirely to join up with them and have them spend the rest of the vacation with you.

 

Honestly, whether you like 'em or not, they are family. And if they only want to connect for a day, what's the big deal? Oh, and for what it's worth, I think I have some of the most annoying pushy family members on the planet. It would stress me to meet with them, but being nice and having dinner or doing an activity together is something I, as a grown woman, should be able to handle. Should... I said

[LizzyBee]

We'd be offended if another family member was so close and didn't meet up. But our family's mantra is "the more, the merrier." :)

 

If you truly don't want to meet up at least for dinner or something, I'd vacation further away.

[Danestress]

We'd be offended if another family member was so close and didn't meet up. But our family's mantra is "the more, the merrier." :)

 

If you truly don't want to meet up at least for dinner or something, I'd vacation further away.

 

I agree. I think there's a difference between "lets meet for dinner" and "hey, maybe we can get adjoining rooms at the hotel!"

 

On some level, I think that whether you like your sister's husband or not, you pretty much suck it up. But that's just me. I would rather have to change my plans a little and accomodate that hurt a sister's feelings.

[Jeanne in MN]

I'm just like you Lynn. I have a real difficult time meshing my schedule with others and I don't like the stress of having to get somewhere at a certain time to meet someone or do things I may have no interest in doing. I like the freedom to focus on my husband and kids, do what we want to do, when we want to do it without having to continuously consider another party. And if I didn't care for them on top of it? I'd probably be sick thinking about the whole ordeal.

 

Now, we do take trips with family members, but we all know how the other works, we enjoy each other's company and similar things and we give each other space to do our own things as well as group things. It works out well that way. I honestly think it's very rude to invite one's self along on someone's vacation. This is your family time. I think it's ok to ask about doing something together but I would ask it like this: "That sounds like fun, do you think we could join you or meet up with you at some point? Or if you prefer to keep this a family trip, I totally understand." Expressing her wishes, but not being too intrusive.

 

At this point, I would tell your sister that you've been thinking and you'd really like to be able to focus on your hubby and kids without schedules, etc. and perhaps a trip together another time would be better. Or, could they meet for a day somewhere, somehow? Or if you are willing to try a trip together, sit down and talk about how you see things happening. Tell her what your patterns are (early/later risers), kinds of things you plan to do, where and when you like to eat, etc. so she knows what to expect and you get to do what you want, how you want.

 

Other than that, I would be sure to not tell her in the future what your vacation plans are.

[sdWTMer]

we only have time in our schedule to meet for lunch or dinner.

 

Of course, we don't really take vacations :eek: ; but, if I did this is what I would say!

[sassenach]

The way we've handled this in the past was to let others put in all of the effort. I'm happy to meet up for a couple of hours, but I'm not driving anywhere or changing our agenda. We happen to do a lot of beach vacations, so it's pretty easy to let people just meet us at the beach and have lunch or dinner together. Now, if she's looking to visit for more than that, then you'll probably just have to come out and say it. Good luck,

[WTMindy]

You could always say something like, "It would be great to have you around. We sometimes have odd schedules when we are on vacation so I can't commit to doing everything together, but it sure would be fun to spend some of the time together. You won't mind if we keep kind of a loose schedule, will you?" This sets the tone, but I don't think is offensive. Have fun!