It really seems like my ds has ADD or ADHD at home,

[chickenpatty]

but when we go anywhere, he is extremely calm and reserved (and shy). At home, he is constantly moving, it's very hard to get his attention, he's very impulsive and very egocentric. He can concentrate for an hour or so on things that interest him. But, he's about to drive me crazy! :eek: I think his obliviousness (I know that's not a word) and thoughtlessness are the worst part.

 

However, at church, in Sunday School, at ice skating lessons, etc... he is very controlled. I think that is because he is shy and somewhat insecure.

 

I have five other children, three who are younger than him, but he is the hardest to handle! Help! He tries to obey and be good, and really doesn't seek to get into trouble, but somehow, it always find him.

 

I guess I'm wondering if there is anyone else like him in the world, and, if anyone has any tips on how to love him and give him all the extra attention he always seems to need!?

[Tracey in TX]

DD was an angel in school--truly ideal student. Most of the time she was in control at gymnastics, but at home she was a maniac!

We realized she took every ounce of self-control to remain calm and composed, but as soon as she saw me she became a crazed animal. Her teacher was darling and kept notes for DD b/c her assessment was greatly varied from my own. When teacher saw DD walk out school door, she released her energy. It's like a dam whose water must eventually overflow or it will burst.

[Whisperlily]

How old is he? Where does he fit into the birth order?

 

My oldest DD (I'm relatively sure) has ADD, but she's not on medication, and functions well enough that we're satisfied with how things are going. She's primarily inattentive, without hyperactivity. It sounds as if you're questioning the hyperactivity + short attention span at home, so her situation won't fit what you're asking.

 

My oldest DS has ADHD which requires medication. He is a very, very polite young man, and HATES to draw attention to himself. But, when not on medication, it's impossible to miss him... even though he tries his hardest to be inconspicuous, it's simply impossible. He fidgets, he squirms, he has impulse control issues... most of the time he's not aware that he's even doing the things he's doing until after he does them. He just about dies from embarassment after the fact and carries a lot of guilt because he does things without being aware of them. There is NO way he could regulate his behavior to the degree it sounds like your son is doing.

 

Now, my NEXT DS is very much like your son. I am convinced that he does NOT have ADHD. He likes to be hyper at home, he likes to be silly, and gets "bored" easily and wants to do something else. He CAN focus when put into a situation where focusing is required/expected. At home, he likes attention from his family, and wants to be around whatever is going on. He's kinda in-the-middle... can't quite do what the older kids are doing, and he's not the baby. We've noticed that he settles down a lot when we make sure he gets enough one on one, REAL look him in the eyes time. I don't think it's a conscious decision on his part to get attention. He's also not a "toys" or "things" kind of person. He likes and needs the social interaction he doesn't have the desire to do things alone. He's always with someone, brother, sisters, Mom or Dad... and when we're all busy, he doesn't know what to do with himself. Again, in social situations he's calm and happy. He's a normal busy boy, but he IS able to focus. He doesn't usually forget things he SHOULD remember, and he can complete tasks when expected.

 

I'm not saying your son doesn't have ADHD, but if I didn't have the direct comparison in my home, I might think, because of his personality, that younger DS did. If he truly does, I think that other people in other situations would notice.

[LG Gone Wild]

but when we go anywhere, he is extremely calm and reserved (and shy). At home, he is constantly moving, it's very hard to get his attention, he's very impulsive and very egocentric. He can concentrate for an hour or so on things that interest him. But, he's about to drive me crazy! :eek: I think his obliviousness (I know that's not a word) and thoughtlessness are the worst part.

 

However, at church, in Sunday School, at ice skating lessons, etc... he is very controlled. I think that is because he is shy and somewhat insecure.

 

I have five other children, three who are younger than him, but he is the hardest to handle! Help! He tries to obey and be good, and really doesn't seek to get into trouble, but somehow, it always find him.

 

I guess I'm wondering if there is anyone else like him in the world, and, if anyone has any tips on how to love him and give him all the extra attention he always seems to need!?

 

 

So he can still make you look good as a parent, right?:p I have nothing useful for you only that I commiserate.

[Amy in Orlando]

DD was an angel in school--truly ideal student. Most of the time she was in control at gymnastics, but at home she was a maniac!

We realized she took every ounce of self-control to remain calm and composed, but as soon as she saw me she became a crazed animal. Her teacher was darling and kept notes for DD b/c her assessment was greatly varied from my own. When teacher saw DD walk out school door, she released her energy. It's like a dam whose water must eventually overflow or it will burst.

 

My twins were like this when they were younger. I really believe it took everything in them to maintain their self-control when they were out in public. When they got home - YIKES!!!!! But, they felt safe at home. They knew how they were supposed to behave in public and acted accordingly. At home, it was just unbelievable - no one who knew them outside of our house could understand why I had such a hard time with them.

 

If it helps, by the time they were 9-10, they were able to be "mostly" sane at home too. What's interesting to me, now that they're 14, is that when they babysit for our friends, how understanding they are and how able they are in handling "wild" children. Our neighbors across the street - who have a particularly difficult 8 yr old - always want one of the twins (rather than my oldest son or the teenaged daughter of their good friend) to watch their son.