Elderly dog dying: how to comfort kids?

[Alicia64]

Hi Guys,

 

I hate this part of having dogs. My darling old girl, Maddie, started having seizures in Dec. She's almost 14 (shepherd mix) so doing loads of expensive tests doesn't make sense. Although I've spent plenty, believe me.

 

My five year old boys are both sensitive and they know I'm sad. I want to help them process through Maddie's death in a positive way rather than, "she just disappeared one afternoon and nobody said much about it. I always wondered."

 

Would you recommend drawing pictures for Maddie to "take to Heaven"? Maybe allowing the boys to pick out one last treat to give her?

 

A friend said to let the boys be at the euthanasia, but I'm not up for that.

 

It's hard enough to say good bye to a dog and have to somewhat keep it together for my boys.

 

Alicia

[Kissy]

I suggest talking to them about it. Letting them know that she is suffering and that will make her better. Then if they say we want to give her one last treat or do this or that for her then help them but you may find they might not want to do thing like that. They could become angry or very sad and not want to do anything for a little while but I think talking with them. Let them know that you are sad too and that is ok to be sad but sometimes doing the right thing is a sad thing for us. I am sorry your family is having to do this.

[tajott]

hugs. We had to go through this last Easter time, but my kids are a little older.

 

Just tell them how sick she is, and that she won't get better, but will soon die. Let them say goodbye in their own way, and be prepared with lots of hugs for their tears.

 

My own worry about this situation is when we call it putting a dog to sleep. That is awfully scary for little ones like yours. And telling them you are giving the dog something to speed up the death has its own concerns. I'm sure you will handle this with grace and love.

 

Blessings,

teresa

[Shannon C]

Ugh, I don't really have advice, but I look forward to replies b/c we have 3 dogs over 10 now so I'm sure it will just be a matter of time before we have to deal with it 3 times in coming years. I can't imagine. One of our dogs was lost a few weeks ago and that was awful for my 6 year old daughter. We fortunately got him back the next day, but it did bring out a lot of emotions and thinking about when the dogs are gone for good. I fear sicknesses and suffering.

[SonshineLearner]

When our dog died a couple of years ago, my husband made a little poster with pictures and such...of the kids and the dog....

His ex-wife actually had a memorial service for the dog. (She loved it so much...she left it...and took it out with her camping a couple of times a year.... oh well ......)

 

Carrie:-)

[Michelle T]

It's hard to let pets go, they are such undemanding, faithful friends.

 

My two cents, for what it's worth. Since your boys are so young, I would talk with them about how Maddie is very old, and very sick, sick beyond what a doctor (vet) can do to make her better. I'd tell the boys that Maddie is going to die, and if they want, they can give her a treat, a picture, or whatever they might want to do. Perhaps they won't want to do anything beyond pet her good bye.

 

I would NOT take them to the vet, and certainly not at the euthanasia, unless you want to risk your boys being petrified of ever getting a shot or visiting the doctor again! Besides, if they are not there, you are able to focus on your own feelings and loss without worrying about their reactions.

 

I wouldn't really discuss the details of what the vet does with such young boys, especially if they are sensitive. I would just say something vague, basically just repeating that Maddie was very old and very sick, and there was really nothing more the vet could do to help her. I'd also stress that dying is a natural part of life when people/animals get old, but that YOU are just fine.

 

Sorry you are going through this. We've had a dog and several cats put to sleep, but it never gets easier.

Michelle T

[Zoraida]

Our 13 year old Collie died on Thanksgivng day. She had cataracts, was deaf, and 3 days before Thanksgiving she started to have seizures. I knew she was going to die so I called my vet. He suggested that we bring her in to be put down. But I just couldn't do it. So our vet told us to just try to make her as comfortable as possible. During the day, we made a soft bed for her out of an old quilt and kept her in our family room. I told the kids that she was old and was suffering and she would be gone soon. We all would take turns sitting with her petting her and telling her how much we loved her. On Thanksgiving morning we were all sitting around her talking to her and petting her. She wagged her tail looked up at us with a little smile than laid her head down and took a last breath and died. It was very sad and we all cried. Your dog's dying will not only be hard on your children it will also be hard on you and your husband too. I spent 3 days crying and and had that horrible hurt feeling deep down inside. It took me several weeks to get over her passing.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

[Kissy]

Our 13 year old Collie died on Thanksgivng day. She had cataracts, was deaf, and 3 days before Thanksgiving she started to have seizures. I knew she was going to die so I called my vet. He suggested that we bring her in to be put down. But I just couldn't do it. So our vet told us to just try to make her as comfortable as possible. During the day, we made a soft bed for her out of an old quilt and kept her in our family room. I told the kids that she was old and was suffering and she would be gone soon. We all would take turns sitting with her petting her and telling her how much we loved her. On Thanksgiving morning we were all sitting around her talking to her and petting her. She wagged her tail looked up at us with a little smile than laid her head down and took a last breath and died. It was very sad and we all cried. Your dog's dying will not only be hard on your children it will also be hard on you and your husband too. I spent 3 days crying and and had that horrible hurt feeling deep down inside. It took me several weeks to get over her passing.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

 

That made me cry just thinking about it. What a sweet and wonderful way to go but how awfully sad. Hugs.

[Michelle T]

Our 13 year old Collie died on Thanksgivng day. She had cataracts, was deaf, and 3 days before Thanksgiving she started to have seizures. I knew she was going to die so I called my vet. He suggested that we bring her in to be put down. But I just couldn't do it. So our vet told us to just try to make her as comfortable as possible. During the day, we made a soft bed for her out of an old quilt and kept her in our family room. I told the kids that she was old and was suffering and she would be gone soon. We all would take turns sitting with her petting her and telling her how much we loved her. On Thanksgiving morning we were all sitting around her talking to her and petting her. She wagged her tail looked up at us with a little smile than laid her head down and took a last breath and died. It was very sad and we all cried. Your dog's dying will not only be hard on your children it will also be hard on you and your husband too. I spent 3 days crying and and had that horrible hurt feeling deep down inside. It took me several weeks to get over her passing.

 

Blessings

 

Zoraida

 

 

Your story made me get teary-eyed! How wonderful and loved your pooch must have felt though.

 

A book I always recommend to those who have a dog that died recently, or are having put to sleep, is the wonderful book "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant. It'll make you teary-eyed, but feel good at the same time. Most libraries have it, usually in the picture-book section, but it is so comforting for any age, even adults. She also has a similar, wonderful book called Cat Heaven.

Michelle T

Blessings

[Alicia64]

Oh, I'll definitely get Cynthia's book -- thank you! We love her books.

 

Well, I couldn't go through with it. Maddie just seemed fine today and I canceled the appointment. My husband is mad because he's ready for this to be over. "This" in my opinion isn't so much for him so I don't totally get where he's coming from.

 

Anyway, I'm still taking it day to day.

 

Thank you for your sweet stories and understanding words.

 

Alicia

[Karen sn]

When I was 5 my favorite person in the world died. My nana. She was OLD.

I wanted to go to the hospital - they wouldn't let me. I am still bothered by that. (No surprise at all that I am a hospice nurse)!

 

A few years ago we had an old sweet dog and when it was his time we put him in the truck and went to the vet. The vet came out to the truck - which was practically an altar because I had a Mother Mary statue, some pictures, wine, a prayer in Hebrew, representations for the 4 directions of N,E,S,W, etc.....

 

Jake's head was in my lap (he was a BIG dog) and my dd (6 years old at the time) was beside him. I drank some wine, read the prayer in Hebrew, the doc gave him the shot, and we held him and loved him while he passed. It was beautiful. So beautiful. Peaceful.

 

We went home and glued some pictures of our life with him on a nice poster board.

We had a funeral (quite a few friends came). We dug a hole, said some prayers and sang some songs, made wishes for his next life, and put him in the ground. Then we ate and drank and told Jake stories.

 

We had an altar at the house - flowers, shells, candles, pictures, his collar, etc.....

One of my little friends later placed his favorite car on it for Jake. It stayed there for a long time. One day he took it back and I knew he felt at peace.

 

Our very first human funeral after that my dd asked me, "Mama, when's the death party? When are we eating?"

 

Death Party.

 

Let me tell you - my dog had the best funeral I have ever been to!!!!

I want one like his!

I want a death party.

 

You might think long and hard about your boys' participation in his death.

If they really want to be there - find a vet who will let them be in the room or who comes out to the car/truck. Have a party for the dog's life. Have a party so your boys can honor their good friend. It's healing.

 

And putting a dog to sleep is VERY peaceful.

More peaceful than whatever it is they are imagining.

 

I think some children can handle it and should be allowed to participate.

Especially if they want to. It's part of the process of death.

 

My heart goes out to you. And to them.

Just love on that dog as much as you can - make rice and chicken and spoil that dog rotten! Lay with the boys on the floor by the dog and tell "remember when" stories.

 

This is a HUGE opportunity to teach them about death and how we care for our dying while they die and after.

 

Hugs and good thoughts your way.

I know this is hard and heart breaking.

[Karen sn]

One more thing - you do NOT have to keep it together for them.

Cry your butt off. It's ok. I did. My dd is fine.

[JeanM]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. We put our 11 year old dog to sleep last June, and it was very, very hard. My 7 yo (6 yo then), chose to be with him at the end. He sobbed over the dog's body, but overall didn't suffer too badly. My 9 yo (then 8 yo), chose to stay out of the room (good choice for him I think). I wish that I could have done more for him, or helped him more. He cried on and off for days, and was still crying every night a month later. He still cries once in a while.

 

Things that I think helped: being realistic about what was happening, letting them have time with the dog up until the end, saving some hair from the dog.

 

Best wishes,

Jean

[talexand]

We went through this recently. First I had a very hard time with the decision. Eventually I realized that she was not going to get better, only worse. So I had to decide when to put an end to the decline. I probably waited longer than I should have but it was so hard.

 

I had the vet come to the house. It cost more but she was in no condition to go in the car and she was a large dog. The vet came and put her to sleep in the yard in her favorite place under a tree. They were so kind and it was so peaceful. The kids weren't there though. I talked to my friends about it and one friend begged me to learn from her mistakes and not put that on them. I know that it might have been much different for my family than hers but I went with her advice. I told them that she died in her sleep which was true because they gave her a sedative first. The kids knew she was dying. We had talked about it quite a bit because in her decline they needed to be careful near her. They had time to cuddle her and help care for her and they knew she was leaving soon. We will plant a tree for her this spring to remember her by.