dorothy Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 My dd/11 just lies. She has stolen money twice, sneaks candy, says she has completed something (chore or schoolwork) and has not, the list goes on. We have talked about it, encouraged her, punished her, taken away privileges, reasoned with her, screamed at her, spoken softly and logically to her. NONE of it gets her to stop. She does the right thing for a few days and then WHAMO she lies again. She knows right from wrong. She knows that bad choices lead to bad consequences. No change in behavior. She is a person who lacks self-control in other areas as well. She is like the Hare in the Tortoise and the Hare. She rushes through things, boasts, and then does not get them done right, and then makes a million excuses or lies about it. (I love this child but do not particularly like her right now). :glare: We were having a lovely morning. I made a beautiful breakfast and sat with the dc and read aloud - a book of their choice for three chapters. She went to the Daddy / Daughter dance last night. We shopped for a closet-full of new clothes last week. I read to her, talk with her, pray with her, and sing to her (her choice) every night. She gets to do all of the activities she wants to do. We travel a lot and do the kinds of things she likes on trips. We socialize with her friends. Her father and I both spend one-on-one time with her. We talk with her A LOT about life, good choices, her plans, her relationships, etc. All this to say that she leads a pretty fantastic life. And she lies, and she sneaks, and she is stingy with her siblings, and she bosses her siblings around, and she fusses about chores, and she makes a million excuses when she has done wrong, and she treats her friends/acquaintances better than her siblings and parents, and she won't obey even in little things without some kind of ultimatem. Other items to note which I offer because they may hint at something I do not know about: she is very fidgety, she has always been a suspicious person (someone else must be getting more than I am), she is a mouth-breather (never breathes through her nose), she has a hard time speaking clearly (articulating thoughts in an organized fashion & also enunciating correctly), she tries to be funny all of the time but really is not - usually it is at another's expense and upsetting to the other person or pretending to be disobedient, she makes lots of sloppy mistakes in her schoolwork, her handwriting is a mess (even after five years of practicing penmanship), she starts a milllion projects and does not finish them, she makes a million messes and does not "see" them until made to clean them up then fusses about it. We have read parenting books and tried so many things. We have other children to tend to. She is not helping as her younger brother tend sto follow her bad example in detail and get in trouble to. I am at my wit's end. My dh is at his wit's end. We want to ship her off to military school or something. Maybe we need a shrink. DH and I are super hard working, disciplined, and generous to a fault. I do recognize that her bossiness comes from me. But the rest, we think this child came from Mars. She just does not follow our example and constantly crosses boundaries. What do we do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Yes, I would take her in and get her evaluated. I think talking to someone will be a help for all of you, not just for her. Being able to express how you've handled her bahaviours in past might also help a professional give you advice on how to proceed in future. I believe that it's best for you to jump on this now, before she gets into the middle of her teen years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 Just an outsiders thought, but...so she gets to do all these fun things, like travel, new clothes, and goes to dances? Mmmm....I think all this would be cut out until things start looking up. Stop being so generous and have her earn these things. That would be tops on my list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorothy Posted February 8, 2009 Author Share Posted February 8, 2009 She "behaves" for a while like she has changed and then as soon as we allow anything nice she starts up again. And, it's not right that the other dc who behave can't get to do things because she is misbehaving. She'll be great now for three days or a week, or whatever, as soon as we are "nice" she will start up again. Who wants to hold a kid under a totalitarian regime to get them to do the right thing. Again, dh and I are both "goody too shoes" and the other dc usually do right. We are appaled by this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 8, 2009 Share Posted February 8, 2009 I would have some kind of evaluation done including a complete physical. That said the fact that she treats her friends better than her family tells me that she knows what she is doing is "okay" at home but not with her friends. She also knows eventually she will get that game, privilege or item back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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