Back to the future, catastrophic version

[wordshaker]

After homeschooling my bright and quirky two early on, my marriage ended and sent them to local schools past 7 years. During the pandemic I was an essential worker in healthcare and my kids were double-abandoned by me and the public schools in 5th and 7th grade (no dad here), deeply struggling now 3yrs later.

The effects have been ruinous and I became disabled and am now facing a medical eviction. We’re hoping for affordable housing in Boston before the eviction process runs out. My affluent border town has no help for housing insecurity, as a matter of choice. My 14 year old was just diagnosed with high functioning autism spectrum, but we are all neuroatypical introverts here, silly when feeling safe, with overly high compassion and coded interests. My 16 year old is in shell shock shutdown, needle phobic and medical phobic and near agoraphobic.

We feel like refugees starting over. That’s not all bad.

I am now in a position to homeschool again when my kids most desperately need it. We will be in Boston and will have the city at our disposal, what we can get on the resourceful cheap that is, which is a lot. Plus Cambridge across the river. If we can avoid time living in shelters, I feel we will actually be in good, or at least much better shape. But there’s a chasm between here and there at the moment.

I returned to Oak Meadow for now because it’s familiar and I’m overwhelmed, and I hope it will give shape and breath of life to our Summer. That’s the plan we are starting now. My 16 y.o. has been retained in 10th for missed days, and I prefer that because she needs more childhood and the comfort of sharing some classes with her sibling. I am unsure whether 8th grader will get pushed along, failing classes but earning DESE awards in state standardized tests.

I’m worried about our reverse pattern - homeschool for high school is bucking an arguably sensible trend of integrating into the system at this age. Instead mine are leaving school wrecked at this age, misanthrope one and near catatonic the other. Our public schools are utterly opposed to homeschool, even in light of eviction, loss of schools, failure, and missing the high-school choice process in Boston (meaning spots at the least preferred schools will be all that’s left). Our public school folks are currently shunning us since the homeschool applications went in. Zero well wish, or contact for that matter, from folks we’ve known for years, no return email, nothing. Is public school a cult or something? Mine’s acting that way, leaving me super self-questioning, especially since I’m a neuroatypical older mom with few friends.
 

But there’s no choice, I couldn’t force my kids to go. I tried. I have a DCF worker visiting my house on Friday morning that I’m trying to be unphased  about, a parting gift from the guidance counselor. She filed with them after I filed with the homeschool office. My family and my home look exactly like who we are and what we are doing, creating safe learning space and I’m trying not to worry. 

I was hoping for a bit of advice on a gentle homeschool start and building strength for my wounded warriors while bracing for a possible final storm (homelessness) before peace. Sorry for the saga, a bit unmoored here.

kind thanks

I’m Sheryl, thankful this community is still here when the world has turned its back.

 

 

 

[Matryoshka]

1 hour ago, wordshaker said:

After homeschooling my bright and quirky two early on, my marriage ended and sent them to local schools past 7 years. During the pandemic I was an essential worker in healthcare and my kids were double-abandoned by me and the public schools in 5th and 7th grade (no dad here), deeply struggling now 3yrs later.

The effects have been ruinous and I became disabled and am now facing a medical eviction. We’re hoping for affordable housing in Boston before the eviction process runs out. My affluent border town has no help for housing insecurity, as a matter of choice. My 14 year old was just diagnosed with high functioning autism spectrum, but we are all neuroatypical introverts here, silly when feeling safe, with overly high compassion and coded interests. My 16 year old is in shell shock shutdown, needle phobic and medical phobic and near agoraphobic.

We feel like refugees starting over. That’s not all bad.

I am now in a position to homeschool again when my kids most desperately need it. We will be in Boston and will have the city at our disposal, what we can get on the resourceful cheap that is, which is a lot. Plus Cambridge across the river. If we can avoid time living in shelters, I feel we will actually be in good, or at least much better shape. But there’s a chasm between here and there at the moment.

I returned to Oak Meadow for now because it’s familiar and I’m overwhelmed, and I hope it will give shape and breath of life to our Summer. That’s the plan we are starting now. My 16 y.o. has been retained in 10th for missed days, and I prefer that because she needs more childhood and the comfort of sharing some classes with her sibling. I am unsure whether 8th grader will get pushed along, failing classes but earning DESE awards in state standardized tests.

I’m worried about our reverse pattern - homeschool for high school is bucking an arguably sensible trend of integrating into the system at this age. Instead mine are leaving school wrecked at this age, misanthrope one and near catatonic the other. Our public schools are utterly opposed to homeschool, even in light of eviction, loss of schools, failure, and missing the high-school choice process in Boston (meaning spots at the least preferred schools will be all that’s left). Our public school folks are currently shunning us since the homeschool applications went in. Zero well wish, or contact for that matter, from folks we’ve known for years, no return email, nothing. Is public school a cult or something? Mine’s acting that way, leaving me super self-questioning, especially since I’m a neuroatypical older mom with few friends.
 

But there’s no choice, I couldn’t force my kids to go. I tried. I have a DCF worker visiting my house on Friday morning that I’m trying to be unphased  about, a parting gift from the guidance counselor. She filed with them after I filed with the homeschool office. My family and my home look exactly like who we are and what we are doing, creating safe learning space and I’m trying not to worry. 

I was hoping for a bit of advice on a gentle homeschool start and building strength for my wounded warriors while bracing for a possible final storm (homelessness) before peace. Sorry for the saga, a bit unmoored here.

kind thanks

I’m Sheryl, thankful this community is still here when the world has turned its back.

Wow, Sheryl, that's a lot.  Have you considered using the Community College for part of homeschooling high school?  One of mine wanted to try public high school and after about two months started having panic attacks - couldn't handle the early mornings and all day non-stop scheduling and high-stress environment.  But she also really didn't want to learn from me anymore, or even unschool (she would've played video games all day and gotten depressed).  In MA, you can take CC classes at half price as a Dual Enrollment student, just whatever classes you want, core or enrichment.  That kid, even though she only took 2-3 classes a semester, ended up with an Associate's at 18 and used MassTransfer for guaranteed admission to UMass (also good for any other MA public university), with much less stellar grades than kids who go to high school, and only had to go two more years.   Another one of my kids lasted two years in public high school, came back to homeschool and just used CC classes here and there, didn't get an AA, but still had a head start and honestly CC classes are way cheaper than, say, online classes.  It's not all or nothing, you can do as much or as little as you want.  In your situation there could possibly also be financial aid.  As a homeschooler, you are their counselor, so you can talk to admin, and the public schools have absolutely no say in what you do.   My kids found it much lower stress than high school and took some pressure off of our relationship.

When you say 'homeschool office' - do you mean you sent a letter to the superintendent - where you're living now or Boston?

[Ting Tang]

Oh I am so sorry! Have you considered a Charlotte Mason type of education? Im also concerned you have CPS visiting you after filing for homeschooling. I might suggest you contact HSLDA, like today, if you’re able. Tell them about your financial situation, too, which I do hope can improve somehow. Not sure if there are any work from home types or jobs for you? 

[Matryoshka]

9 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

Oh I am so sorry! Have you considered a Charlotte Mason type of education? Im also concerned you have CPS visiting you after filing for homeschooling. I might suggest you contact HSLDA, like today, if you’re able. Tell them about your financial situation, too, which I do hope can improve somehow. Not sure if there are any work from home types or jobs for you? 

I would not contact HSLDA.  They have made things worse instead of better for many people, going in all guns-a-blazing where de-escalation is what would be much more effective.  Also, their Ultra-right-wing politicized Christian Nationalism doesn't play so well in these parts - it would only likely increase the school's 'concern'.  They also will only work for the 'right' kind of homeschoolers.

I think it is entirely inappropriate that the school called in DCF, but hopefully all goes well and nothing comes of it.  You've done nothing wrong.  I'm sorry about your stupid school district.  No one in my town gave a hoot when I pulled my two kids out of high school.

[freesia]

3 minutes ago, Matryoshka said:

I would not contact HSLDA.  They have made things worse instead of better for many people, going in all guns-a-blazing where de-escalation is what would be much more effective.  Also, their Ultra-right-wing politicized Christian Nationalism doesn't play so well in these parts - it would only likely increase the school's 'concern'.  They also will only work for the 'right' kind of homeschoolers.

I think it is entirely inappropriate that the school called in DCF, but hopefully all goes well and nothing comes of it.  You've done nothing wrong.  I'm sorry about your stupid school district.  No one in my town gave a hoot when I pulled my two kids out of high school.

That's not what I've seen here with HSLDA (NY).  They have not come in guns a blazing at all with the situations I've seen.  In fact, they've told me and others I know to do things like give letter grades or to go in a show residency and the birth certificate that aren't strictly required here.  I've guess I've found them a bit under-reactive tbh. 

[Matryoshka]

1 hour ago, freesia said:

That's not what I've seen here with HSLDA (NY).  They have not come in guns a blazing at all with the situations I've seen.  In fact, they've told me and others I know to do things like give letter grades or to go in a show residency and the birth certificate that aren't strictly required here.  I've guess I've found them a bit under-reactive tbh. 

New York has entirely different regulations than MA.   NY has some of the most stringent homeschool regulations in the country, and they are a result of HSLDA coming in guns-a-blazing.   They got involved in a case where it was in the end determined that NY's laws were 'too vague' so the state got real specific.  HSLDA was also in on what regulations to set in NY.  HSLDA likes regulations that promote school-at-home (give letter grades!) and exempt anyone using religious curriculum.  NY would still be a low-regulation state without HSLDA meddling.  

MA has no homeschooling laws at all - it's all based on some court cases (Charles being the most important) but leaves us actually very low-regulation.  We just have to file an education plan to the local school district.  In order to deny it, they have to actually give reasons why.  Since that is a PITA no one has time for, if you stand your ground and quote the case law at them it's almost never a problem, although there are little Napoleons in some towns.   But they are not allowed home visits; there's no assigned educator oversight like in many states. Moving to another town if one is difficult (like OP is) solves that problem.  Boston will not care one whit about homeschoolers - they have bigger fish to fry.

Edited June 15, 2023 by Matryoshka

[wordshaker]

Really kind thanks for connecting. All very helpful.

We ruled out the GED / college route in favor of a more child based experience, that she feels she needs. She’s a good tester, so it’s an option, but we need a little magic-of-childhood that’s been a bit robbed, so both mine lean younger emotionally, not older. Thanks for sharing your experience, which I also shared with my kids, to know they’re not alone struggling.

I will definitely look at CM for high school and see what folks are up to. I imagined I was leaning in that direction with OM, and have incorporated some Charlotte materials long ago. I guess I thought the younger set, so I’m curious about it now for teens.

I am uncomfortable with the wrangling, very uncomfortable. I have become super clear and a little paranoid. I’m going to see what the CPS/DCF person suggests, and then meet with the school to hopefully remedy this.

I wasn’t sure where to turn if that goes poorly. In that case I will start making calls to legal aid and anyone else. Thanks for sharing hslda as a resource. I am grateful MA isn’t over-regulated, somewhat surprisingly. I’ve been up to my eyeballs in good-trouble and advocacy, speaking at town meeting and things, so I’m tired and can not stir any unnecessary pots. Hopefully the furor part will die down. 

Thanks again for your thoughts 💛

[Matryoshka]

34 minutes ago, wordshaker said:

Really kind thanks for connecting. All very helpful.

We ruled out the GED / college route in favor of a more child based experience, that she feels she needs. She’s a good tester, so it’s an option, but we need a little magic-of-childhood that’s been a bit robbed, so both mine lean younger emotionally, not older. Thanks for sharing your experience, which I also shared with my kids, to know they’re not alone struggling.

I will definitely look at CM for high school and see what folks are up to. I imagined I was leaning in that direction with OM, and have incorporated some Charlotte materials long ago. I guess I thought the younger set, so I’m curious about it now for teens.

I am uncomfortable with the wrangling, very uncomfortable. I have become super clear and a little paranoid. I’m going to see what the CPS/DCF person suggests, and then meet with the school to hopefully remedy this.

I wasn’t sure where to turn if that goes poorly. In that case I will start making calls to legal aid and anyone else. Thanks for sharing hslda as a resource. I am grateful MA isn’t over-regulated, somewhat surprisingly. I’ve been up to my eyeballs in good-trouble and advocacy, speaking at town meeting and things, so I’m tired and can not stir any unnecessary pots. Hopefully the furor part will die down. 

Thanks again for your thoughts 💛

Just so you know, you absolutely do NOT need to take the GED to access the CC.  

UMass Amherst is the only state University who still wants a GED from homeschoolers,  and ironically going to CC for a few classes is a way around it.   They'll take 27 CC credits as proof of finishing high school.  Both my homeschooled kids ended up at UMass Amherst and got around their ridiculous requirement that way.  The other state Universities do not care if you have a GED.  And the CC doesn't either, even if you switch them eventually from DE to regular college student.  My youngest did that her last semester at CC so she could take advantage of the MassTransfer program,  and all they needed was a 'diploma' which I printed out on my computer with a Microsoft Word template. 

But to go to as a homeschooled high school student, you just need to sign them up. The only test is the Accuplacer, which is only for placement in math and English. And you can still take classes without math/English prereqs without that.

Edited June 15, 2023 by Matryoshka

[Ting Tang]

Hopefully the caseworker will not pursue any further action beyond the initial visit.  It is borderline harassment, assuming the children are all being cared for--resources recommendations are fine.  But we all know that there are people who are very anti-homeschooling, and that might have prompted the school person to contact this agency.  I think it is because they feel public education funding is threatened by homeschooling.  

I joined the HSLDA after I got a very nasty letter.  I haven't rejoined, but I do believe they have an avenue to help in emergency situations.  I just feel like you need to know you have people on your side.  They were very helpful, though, in giving me detailed information about high school requirements in my state as well as high school credit in junior high.  

Are there any alternatives to the HSLDA with the same goal? 

[Matryoshka]

8 minutes ago, Ting Tang said:

Hopefully the caseworker will not pursue any further action beyond the initial visit.  It is borderline harassment, assuming the children are all being cared for--resources recommendations are fine.  But we all know that there are people who are very anti-homeschooling, and that might have prompted the school person to contact this agency.  I think it is because they feel public education funding is threatened by homeschooling.  

I joined the HSLDA after I got a very nasty letter.  I haven't rejoined, but I do believe they have an avenue to help in emergency situations.  I just feel like you need to know you have people on your side.  They were very helpful, though, in giving me detailed information about high school requirements in my state as well as high school credit in junior high.  

Are there any alternatives to the HSLDA with the same goal? 

MHLA.org and AHEM.info are the two big state homeschooling associations.  You could reach out to them if things get stickier.  There's also a lot of helpful info on their websites, including regional support groups.  I'm out of the loop myself these days, as my kids are grown, and a lot of things shifted during the pandemic. 

[Mrs Tiggywinkle Again]

On 6/15/2023 at 11:44 AM, freesia said:

That's not what I've seen here with HSLDA (NY).  They have not come in guns a blazing at all with the situations I've seen.  In fact, they've told me and others I know to do things like give letter grades or to go in a show residency and the birth certificate that aren't strictly required here.  I've guess I've found them a bit under-reactive tbh. 

HSLDA has different lawyers who are able to practice in different states.  I’ve found the two that cover NY that I’ve become familiar with to be fairly underwhelming as well.

But I think it all comes down to who they have practices in your state. 

[wordshaker]

So many thanks for resources. I think the dcf visit-investigation went well, and she stated I was already doing the right thing, so hopefully no hidden daggers. Next I meet with the homeschool office and hopefully get the go ahead. Public school is giving me a more difficult time, I believe, because they know I’m neuroatypical, and I’m single parent, and we have been in a crisis of the kids just not going anymore… 😮‍💨 so despite having the degrees n things that might be confidence inspiring, they don’t trust homeschool itself or me. 
 

I’m just hoping to get out of this social entanglement that represents a definite functional area of weakness for me, so always a risky spot. This week will bring more confidence if things go well. Meanwhile my dust-laden old brownstone apartment is sparkling and orderly, so that’s nice. 
 

Thanks for reading and support here, and it just helps to be here tbh

Happy Dad’s Day to all those celebrating loving, lovable fathers… may they prosper and multiply! 🌷

 

[Eos]

OM is very established, "they" should like that fact.  I think it's smart you are starting right out with that - it's familiar and there are good options within the curriculum to show understanding other than just essays and multiple choice tests - you always have an arts option, for instance.  It sounds like your kids could benefit from this curriculum's level of structure to satisfy the powers that be (and maybe also to help with the chaos of moving, divorce, etc) but you can also use it for discussion over meals, jumping-off points for cultural excursions in Boston, and inspiration for conversations about ideas that really matter to your kids.  

On 6/15/2023 at 8:39 AM, wordshaker said:

I’m worried about our reverse pattern - homeschool for high school is bucking an arguably sensible trend of integrating into the system at this age. Instead mine are leaving school wrecked at this age, misanthrope one and near catatonic the other.

I'm sorry this is causing you stress, but I'm supporting you in seeing it as the healthiest, gentlest, most effective transition to adulthood.  Public and private high schools are brutal and no place to heal from their last 7 years.  Congratulations on your cozy brownstone transition, and on the visit going well!  Best wishes for smoother sailing,

Eos

Edited June 21, 2023 by Eos