If my guys were still 6 to 10 years old (what I wish I'd known).

[Alicia64]

Hi Everyone,

Years ago I'd ask on this board, "What would you do if your kids were still 7?" I received great advice (re: homeschooling), so I'd ask the question anew every year.

Now that my boys are 18, I keep thinking that I wish I'd taught a, b, and c when they were little. My boys are wonderful people. However, there is a enormous chunk of skills that I didn't think to teach.

When it came to chores, I started them at age 6 emptying the dishwasher. I kept plates and bowls in a low cupboard so that they could reach. Years later, they're great about the dishwasher. I had the right instinct, but that's as far as I got.

When the boys were young I wish I'd taught chores with the end-game being not cleanliness (which is what I did) -- but a familiarity with the tool (the vacuum, the broom, the dust pan, the sponge and so forth).

I wish I'd prepared a chores list w/ two or three chores a day. Again, not so the house would sparkle -- because he's six, right? -- but so he's familiar with contributing to chores.

Once the chores-habit is established, it'll be so much easier to reinforce when they're teens. Also note that I wouldn't let little people use products other than baking soda and vinegar.

Again, this chore-list isn't meant for cleanliness as much as it is for familiarity and habit:

• Dusting (tool familiarity: dusting cloth. Our house captures dust like you wouldn't believe.)
• Vacuuming the hallway, the stairway, the living room and so forth (tool familiarity: vacuum; not all rooms on same day. Also teach how to empty cannister/bag).
• Sweeping kitchen (tool familiarity: broom, dustpan).
• Cleaning downstairs bathroom (tool familiarity: sponge and toilet bowl cleaner thingy, but without products other baking soda and vinegar, Supervise.)
• Taking out kitchen garbage if they're big enough and replacing bag.
• Bringing down all laundry from their room on a particular day.
• Removing garbage in car (later go through bag for valuables).
• Retrieve tennis balls from backyard that dog didn't retrieve.
• After weekly trash pick-up, bring big trash barrel into its home in garage.
• Cleaning the kitchen sink (tool: sponge and baking soda).
• Cooking one meal a week (with your help, but giving the child the applause; have him cook something easy like spaghetti.)
• Same w/ baking.
• Tidying own bedroom once a week (I'd ask him/her to put 10 pieces of trash into trash bag -- check for valuables --, 10 books back on shelf, tidy bed so it looks made, find two "homes" for two toys (explain to littles why each toy needs it's own home), put away 5 pieces of clothing.

I don't have my kids do much for the animals because the animals are so important to me. I don't want the dog accidentally going without water. Plus cleaning the cat box daily or picking up the dog's waste in the yard just doesn't seem sanitary for the little people.)

I'm sorry I've written such a novel!!

I'm sure a lot of you are smarter than me, and your kids already cook full dinners etc. I just wanted to share what I wish I'd done!

If I've forgotten anything, just ask! Have fun, you guys, these young years are so awesome!!

♥, Wendy

 

Edited April 21, 2021 by Alicia64
Spelling!! :)

[HomeAgain]

Three of the best pieces of advice I got when it came to raising kids:

1. Create daily expectations.

2. Every time you do a large task (like cooking), ask them to do 2-3 small things related to that task (setting the table, taking out the trash, putting away/getting out the spices)

3. Teach them that the first thing you do when you walk into a gathering is to ask the host, "is there anything I can help with?" or "how can I help?"

 

[Alicia64]

26 minutes ago, HomeAgain said:

Three of the best pieces of advice I got when it came to raising kids:

1. Create daily expectations.

2. Every time you do a large task (like cooking), ask them to do 2-3 small things related to that task (setting the table, taking out the trash, putting away/getting out the spices)

3. Teach them that the first thing you do when you walk into a gathering is to ask the host, "is there anything I can help with?" or "how can I help?"

 

LOVE these! Especially #3!! ❤️❤️❤️

[LauraClark]

1 hour ago, Alicia64 said:

Hi Everyone,

Years ago I'd ask on this board, "What would you do if your kids were still 7?" I received great advice (re: homeschooling), so I'd ask the question anew every year.

Now that my boys are 18, I keep thinking that I wish I'd taught a, b, and c when they were little. My boys are wonderful people. However, there is a enormous chunk of skills that I didn't think to teach.

When it came to chores, I started them at age 6 emptying the dishwasher. I kept plates and bowls in a low cupboard so that they could reach. Years later, they're great about the dishwasher. I had the right instinct, but that's as far as I got.

When the boys were young I wish I'd taught chores with the end-game being not cleanliness (which is what I did) -- but a familiarity with the tool (the vacuum, the broom, the dust pan, the sponge and so forth).

I wish I'd prepared a chores list w/ two or three chores a day. Again, not so the house would sparkle -- because he's six, right? -- but so he's familiar with contributing to chores.

Once the chores-habit is established, it'll be so much easier to reinforce when they're teens. Also note that I wouldn't let little people use products other than baking soda and vinegar.

Again, this chore-list isn't meant for cleanliness as much as it is for familiarity and habit:

• Dusting (tool familiarity: dusting cloth. Our house captures dust like you wouldn't believe.)
• Vacuuming the hallway, the stairway, the living room and so forth (tool familiarity: vacuum; not all rooms on same day. Also teach how to empty cannister/bag).
• Sweeping kitchen (tool familiarity: broom, dustpan).
• Cleaning downstairs bathroom (tool familiarity: sponge and toilet bowl cleaner thingy, but without products other baking soda and vinegar, Supervise.)
• Taking out kitchen garbage if they're big enough and replacing bag.
• Bringing down all laundry from their room on a particular day.
• Removing garbage in car (later go through bag for valuables).
• Retrieve tennis balls from backyard that dog didn't retrieve.
• After weekly trash pick-up, bring big trash barrel into its home in garage.
• Cleaning the kitchen sink (tool: sponge and baking soda).
• Cooking one meal a week (with your help, but giving the child the applause; have him cook something easy like spaghetti.)
• Same w/ baking.
• Tidying own bedroom once a week (I'd ask him/her to put 10 pieces of trash into trash bag -- check for valuables --, 10 books back on shelf, tidy bed so it looks made, find two "homes" for two toys (explain to littles why each toy needs it's own home), put away 5 pieces of clothing.

I don't have my kids do much for the animals because the animals are so important to me. I don't want the dog accidentally going without water. Plus cleaning the cat box daily or picking up the dog's waste in the yard just doesn't seem sanitary for the little people.)

I'm sorry I've written such a novel!!

I'm sure a lot of you are smarter than me, and your kids already cook full dinners etc. I just wanted to share what I wish I'd done!

If I've forgotten anything, just ask! Have fun, you guys, these young years are so awesome!!

♥, Wendy

 

What a great way to think about chores: not getting the house clean, but teaching them a skill. Thank you for that!

[Alicia64]

14 minutes ago, LauraClark said:

What a great way to think about chores: not getting the house clean, but teaching them a skill. Thank you for that!

Right! That's exactly it!!

That's what I wish I'd known! (I got trapped into thinking, "Oh, it's just easier to do myself!)

You said it better than me!

[Emily ZL]

Yes, I would not have done any of this voluntarily. When you have a big family, you have to get your kids doing a lot because they have hands and the messes are too much for me, so I feel grateful for that, because otherwise I would not have bothered dealing with teaching them to do these things.

However, I would say there's a big difference between a 6 year old and a 10-12 year old! I can't wait until mine do a better job with the bathroom. And I'm not doing a great job teaching them because I hate doing it and just want to get it over with. 

[HomeAgain]

3 hours ago, Alicia64 said:

LOVE these! Especially #3!! ❤️❤️❤️

You know, I think #3 ended up being the best.  We started encouraging it about age 9-10, requiring it by age 12 by explaining that in a community, that's just what we do. We help, and if we're not sure how, we ask.  During the teen years, my oldest felt a bit awkward at events because he wasn't a kid and he wasn't an adult.  He was always confident when he was part of something, though, and being willing to pitch in and help not only helped him feel more included in those situations, but it also got him invited to others and put him in touch with all sorts of mentors.  Because he was willing to pitch in, people got to know him and became much more likely to help him later when they could.

[Alicia64]

2 hours ago, HomeAgain said:

You know, I think #3 ended up being the best.  We started encouraging it about age 9-10, requiring it by age 12 by explaining that in a community, that's just what we do. We help, and if we're not sure how, we ask.  During the teen years, my oldest felt a bit awkward at events because he wasn't a kid and he wasn't an adult.  He was always confident when he was part of something, though, and being willing to pitch in and help not only helped him feel more included in those situations, but it also got him invited to others and put him in touch with all sorts of mentors.  Because he was willing to pitch in, people got to know him and became much more likely to help him later when they could.

I'm definitely encouraging #3 w/ my now 18 year olds. Thank you!

[Clarita]

My eldest is now 4 and I wish I started him earlier with chores (not for cleanliness but for skill). I started his sister as soon as she could carry things and walk. I did it mostly to form good habits, but now that she is almost 3 there is much more benefit to those little chores. It actually focus and doing something to completion, because it's easy for her to see the task is complete. My kids do the laundry (put it in the machines, and putting their things away in the correct drawers), emptying the dishwasher and putting away their things. 

[Emily ZL]

13 hours ago, Clarita said:

My eldest is now 4 and I wish I started him earlier with chores (not for cleanliness but for skill). I started his sister as soon as she could carry things and walk. I did it mostly to form good habits, but now that she is almost 3 there is much more benefit to those little chores. It actually focus and doing something to completion, because it's easy for her to see the task is complete. My kids do the laundry (put it in the machines, and putting their things away in the correct drawers), emptying the dishwasher and putting away their things. 

Bah! You have a 2 and 4 year old empty the dishwasher!? I definitely have had my young kids "help" with the dishwasher, and I try to steer them toward the plastics, and try to rescue the plates and glasses... But I can't imagine them doing the whole thing.

[Alicia64]

2 hours ago, Emily ZL said:

Bah! You have a 2 and 4 year old empty the dishwasher!? I definitely have had my young kids "help" with the dishwasher, and I try to steer them toward the plastics, and try to rescue the plates and glasses... But I can't imagine them doing the whole thing.

My guess is that Emily ZL was just trying to get the kids to interact w/ the dishwasher. The cool thing about kids at the ages is that they want to help and participate in family-life. Wish I'd known!

[LauraClark]

2 hours ago, Emily ZL said:

Bah! You have a 2 and 4 year old empty the dishwasher!? I definitely have had my young kids "help" with the dishwasher, and I try to steer them toward the plastics, and try to rescue the plates and glasses... But I can't imagine them doing the whole thing.

Haha-that is true.  My 7 and 9 yo put the glass ones away (7 yo with the help of a chair), 4 yo does silverware, and my 1 yo is very excited to help. 1 yo will put silverware in the drawer (literally in the drawer-he can't see what he's doing and 4yo puts them in correct location), but I have to hover over the dishwasher because he'll just grab a glass or something else. It's stressful to me when the tiny ones do chores!  If I wasn't so focused on getting my house clean it would be easier to enjoy teaching them and watching them be excited about helping...time for a mind reset!

[Clarita]

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry! They aren't doing it all by themselves. I'm doing it with them and supervising the whole time (they can't actually reach all the kitchen cabinets so they can't do the whole thing by themselves anyways. HaHa I did kind of sound ridiculous thanks for calling me out. I also have an anti-fatigue mat near the dishwasher and they know for glasses and ceramic plates (because they are on the high cabinets) to hand them to me. 

Also note that my kitchen does not resemble a KonMari kitchen so putting things away isn't as hard. They can just stick it in the right drawer and it is good enough. My kitchen utensils are just shoved in a drawer for example. Yes you really have to let go of perfectly put together drawers when you ask your young kids to do it. A lot of baskets are involved so things can easily be put away. My kids clothes are not folded; they just get shoved into the right drawer. 

Also as a background to our kids starting chores so young is that both my husband and my grew up in households where our moms were so demanding about the way things need to be in the house that they never allowed us to clean up. His mom would ask him to put stuff away, but redo it as soon as he was finished. My mom would yell at me about how I was always doing it all wrong and at some point just said "Don't bother you are just making more work for me." End result, two messy adults. So we were very intentional about this and I have rearranged things in our house with the sole purpose of making cleaning up age appropriate and doable for our kids. 

[Alicia64]

15 hours ago, Clarita said:

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry! They aren't doing it all by themselves. I'm doing it with them and supervising the whole time (they can't actually reach all the kitchen cabinets so they can't do the whole thing by themselves anyways. HaHa I did kind of sound ridiculous thanks for calling me out. I also have an anti-fatigue mat near the dishwasher and they know for glasses and ceramic plates (because they are on the high cabinets) to hand them to me. 

Also note that my kitchen does not resemble a KonMari kitchen so putting things away isn't as hard. They can just stick it in the right drawer and it is good enough. My kitchen utensils are just shoved in a drawer for example. Yes you really have to let go of perfectly put together drawers when you ask your young kids to do it. A lot of baskets are involved so things can easily be put away. My kids clothes are not folded; they just get shoved into the right drawer. 

Also as a background to our kids starting chores so young is that both my husband and my grew up in households where our moms were so demanding about the way things need to be in the house that they never allowed us to clean up. His mom would ask him to put stuff away, but redo it as soon as he was finished. My mom would yell at me about how I was always doing it all wrong and at some point just said "Don't bother you are just making more work for me." End result, two messy adults. So we were very intentional about this and I have rearranged things in our house with the sole purpose of making cleaning up age appropriate and doable for our kids. 

I assumed that you were right there as your kids unloaded. And my mom was like your dh's mom: re-doing what I'd done, but in a huff. And my mom would be just like your mom too saying I was causing more dirt.

It's like they didn't understand how fleeting having kids at home is.