This is a hard question for me to ask, but...

[melissel]

Well, unfortunately, he IS OK with me quitting work, in theory. But he would not be OK with me doing it if we don't have a stable financial base. He was not very happy that time that I told him I was planning on quitting, and he'd just need to figure it out. Right now we have nothing left in savings thanks to a two-year turn in a sales job that turned out to be not much more than a legal pyramid scheme. His current position is with a RE developer, and his base salary wouldn't even cover our basic bills, let alone our mortgage (though the potential is there for very good money, if he can make it work, hence the long hours). As for having faith that he would simply "do what it takes" to support us, I just don't anymore. I love the man, but he just doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. His mom was a widow raising three boys in New York City, and he grew up in the midst of the daily scramble for survival. This is normal to him. He'd rather see the girls go to school than have me quit and us struggle for survival. It's infuriating, but in a sense, I agree with him. I'm not sure I'd risk our financial safety for HSing, not right now, with no cushion to fall back on. However, it is probably worth pointedly reminding him that cleaning the bathroom once a week is highly preferable to a part-time job at UPS! :p

 

And fortunately, my DD2 wouldn't have to go to daycare. She's old enough to go to the local play-based preschool that my DD5 attended for two years (before we decided to HS), and it's a wonderful, gentle place. I've never met women who love teaching small children so much! Honestly, if it wasn't so expensive ($800 a month for full-day), that would be the place I'd consider sending DD5 for K.

[melissel]

As I just said, make sure your family dynamic works this way - mine doesn't. Mine was NEVER willing to get a second job for any reason, and he wasn't willing to give up anything for his family. This almost ruined our family. I was willing to do whatever necessary to support him, but he wasn't willing to return the consideration. That's why I work 50 hours, shoulder the burden of the family care, AND homeschool - because he won't.

 

Drama Queen! You ARE me! *sigh* My DH doesn't want to sell the house to move somewhere less expensive (TX, NC are both options). He won't go back to school for an MBA, which would be his other option, to make him marketable in a profession other than RE. He'd get the second job, but he wouldn't be happy about it. He doesn't want to spend his every waking minute working/cleaning/taking care of kids. He wants his gym membership (that he never had time to use) and he wants the occasional poker/guys' night. He SAYS I should do the same, but he simply does not see how that's not feasible in the place we're in currently. I wish I could take a leave of absence from my job and tell him I quit, so that he COULD shoulder the burdens for awhile but I could still go back to my job if I needed to! (And no, I can't cut hours back anymore or they'd let me go and replace with a full-time person, which is really what they need anyway. The company is basically doing me a HUGE favor letting me work 30 hours a week from home, and my other two colleagues bear the brunt of the 10 hours' extra work :( They get paid accordingly, though.)

[Renee in NC]

Drama Queen! You ARE me! *sigh* My DH doesn't want to sell the house to move somewhere less expensive (TX, NC are both options). He won't go back to school for an MBA, which would be his other option, to make him marketable in a profession other than RE. He'd get the second job, but he wouldn't be happy about it. He doesn't want to spend his every waking minute working/cleaning/taking care of kids. He wants his gym membership (that he never had time to use) and he wants the occasional poker/guys' night. He SAYS I should do the same, but he simply does not see how that's not feasible in the place we're in currently. I wish I could take a leave of absence from my job and tell him I quit, so that he COULD shoulder the burdens for awhile but I could still go back to my job if I needed to! (And no, I can't cut hours back anymore or they'd let me go and replace with a full-time person, which is really what they need anyway. The company is basically doing me a HUGE favor letting me work 30 hours a week from home, and my other two colleagues bear the brunt of the 10 hours' extra work :( They get paid accordingly, though.)

 

I do understand. My dh and I have this ongoing conversation about a coat. He wants me to buy myself a coat that runs about $150. He has bought himself 2 of this particular kind in the last few years. He says I should do the same. However, he doesn't get that his coats came directly out of our food money, KWIM? He's gotten somewhat better, but even recently he spent $600 on fancy exhaust for his truck and then was surprised when the phone got cut off.:rolleyes:

[Kris]

Hi, Melissa!

 

I haven't read all the responses, and I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but what I *have* read reminds me once again how lucky I am -- I don't call my hubby my "Prince" for nothing. We are truly a team and I'm reminded I need to do something special for him today to show him how much I appreciate him. (He's home this weekend -- for a change. <g>)

 

He would *never* sit and watch TV while I was trying to clean up the house after a long day. He's pretty worn out when he comes home after weeks on the road, and I don't plan any major projects for his "home time" because he would be doing them instead of me! We don't have "my jobs" and "his jobs" -- well, except he had to clean the hair off of the sink plug today -- blech! LOL!

 

When he wasn't on the road and we both had jobs, he was right there in the trenches with me changing diapers and cleaning toilets and cooking dinner. Now that we've decided I need to stay home, he works extra hard to make up for the lost income.

 

As far as depression and meds go, I know they help some people tremendously, but my experience with them was a total disaster. Unfortunately, I wasn't properly treated, so that caused the problems. In thirty years of being clinically depressed, my one year on meds was both the best and worst year of my life -- I got to see how the "other half" lived and it almost, literally, killed me.

 

Besides that, I have to agree (though I'm *not* a doctor and don't play one on the internet) that in your situation, meds probably wouldn't work -- unless you posted something to the contrary and I've missed it. Meds won't fix "Super Mom Syndrome." Is it possible you have postpartum depression? I wonder about that, since your kids are so young!

 

If you spend two hours cleaning house after the kids go to bed, can both of you do it together for one hour so you can have some time with him or to yourself?

 

I'm not saying this is your situation, but I have so many friends whose husbands "lay down the law," but aren't part of the solution. They demand A, B and C and then Mom has to figure out how to get it all done -- and sometimes it's just not possible.

 

It sounds like you are reaching the end of your rope! Something has got to give, and I think part of the reason you're confused and unable to resolve some of the issues is because you are just so overwhelmed -- you can't think! There's no time to! How can you reason through a problem when there are so *many* of them and you have to steal ten minutes in the bathroom? ;-)

 

I would write down the issues and try to deal with each problem one at a time. It's too overwhelming otherwise. Talk with hubby, come up with a solution, and implement it.

 

It sounds like the first one on your list would be the financial situation. What are the alternatives? It's nice to say, "Money isn't everything" but it's pretty darn important if you don't want to be living in your car. It's no fun for one person -- four is really crowded! :-D

 

You obviously can't keep going the way you have been, and as it stands now, you have *at least* three jobs, despite the fact that you're only being paid for one. If your husband gets a second job, then you'll both have two. :-)

 

You say that if you had to choose between homeschooling and working, you would choose homeschooling. So if you quit doing that, will it make you any happier? Will it *really* solve your problem?

 

I'm sorry to ramble on and on like this -- there is *so* much I would like to say to you. I'm going to be thinking about you a lot. I can't believe I'm writing this, but I'd really like to just gather you up and give you a great big hug!! And I'm not "huggy!" LOL!

 

ETA: When you use "Quick Reply" you have no idea how bad you are rambling until it's too late!

[Susan in TX]

Well, unfortunately, he IS OK with me quitting work, in theory. But he would not be OK with me doing it if we don't have a stable financial base... As for having faith that he would simply "do what it takes" to support us, I just don't anymore. I love the man, but he just doesn't want to do what he doesn't want to do. ...He'd rather see the girls go to school than have me quit and us struggle for survival. It's infuriating, but in a sense, I agree with him. I'm not sure I'd risk our financial safety for HSing, not right now, with no cushion to fall back on.

 

That being the case, if I were in your situation, I would either put the children in school or get help with housework/childcare (either from dh or hiring someone.) I would not go on working what is essentially three jobs. There is only so much one person should be expected to do. You deserve to be happy and stress free too!

 

Susan in TX

[Becca]

I haven't had a chance to read all of your responses (my dh and I are having a movie date in a few minutes), but I really had the urge to respond to you and briefly share my story.

 

In Feb of 06 I realized that I had fallen into a depression which included anziety, feeling like I was on the verge of panic attacts etc. At that time my 3 children were between the ages of 2 and 7. The doc confirmed it was depression - I had most of the symphtoms. But I refused to go on the meds right away partly b/c I'm not a person who just likes to take meds, but I also wanted to try to heal my depression naturally. I did everything I could do to de-stress my life. I eliminated most of my responsibilities outside the home, only schooled when I felt like it (which wasn't much), exercised and ate the best that I could, had babysitters come in a couple of times a week, took lots of vitamins etc, saw a counsellor, had the support of husband and freinds, and did everything I could to just rest and relax. Didn't do any good. The depression just continued to get worse. And life was really bad, my kids were subject to my wrath, depression etc. I thought that I was screwing them up for good.

 

I came to realize that it didn't matter what could have been happening in my life - I would have been depressed/anxious anyways. I could have been married or single, had children or not had children, homeschooled or not, been a rich princess or the poorest person in the world. My brain still would have had a chemical imbalance and I still would have been depressed.

 

In June I finally started taking the medication. I couldn't do this to my husband, my kids or myself any longer. Took a few weeks, but things gradually started getting better and a few months later I felt great. My joy was back. I loved being with my kids and was able to homeschool them again come September. I was no longer stressed by the noise, chaos and general life stuff.

 

All of that to say is if it is truly a chemical imbalance which you are experiencing it won't matter of you are homeschooling or not. You will still experience the depression/anxiety etc (if that is what you have).. There is always stuff in life that you have to deal with. I'm totally not saying that you do have a chemical imbalance, and yes, it could just be that you are "doing too much" and you need to take time off from homeschooling, either temporarily or permanently. Really assess what you think it could be before you make your decision.

 

Last summer I tried to go off my medication in within 2 weeks I felt the anxiety/depression come back, so I went right back on. I couldn't go back to that again.

 

I always thought that I would be the last person to advocate medication, especially anti-depressents. But for me, and my situation, it saved my life, saved our family, and just changed me back into the person that I used to be. Maybe that's what you need.