I got my DNA results

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

Open adoption is mostly mythical in the US.  While most adoptions begin as open, there is no legal mechanism to enforce them.  It's very common for adoptive parents to simply choose not to follow through citing "behavior" or "emotional"issues with the child and blame it on the "confusion" of open adoption.  It's a growing problem, one that will likely increase the abortion rate and further decrease private adoption in the US. 

That's likely true of DNA testing too.  Any woman inclined to keeping her identity private will be less less inclined to place a child for adoption in the world of DNA registry.  Don't forget, with abortion pills now available online, abortion is getting more privatized too.  All of these issues factor into adoption/abortion rates and unless you actually have some knowledge about birthmother points of view, you should be very slow to jump in on one side or the other of these extremely complicated issues that have huge impacts on those involved.

Here is the problem with that argument  I don’t think people who believe abortion is murder would go that route just out of fear of being ‘found out’.   But really even if they do, that is on them.....that isn’t something that should be pinned on people seeking their birth parents.  

My thinking is maybe people will stop lying about the existence of an actual person.....whether that they were born or who that child’s parent is.  

Yes sometimes the situations are very complicated.  But the complications are only worsened by the lies.  

[HS Mom in NC]

3 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Here is the problem with that argument  I don’t think people who believe abortion is murder would go that route just out of fear of being ‘found out’.   But really even if they do, that is on them.....that isn’t something that should be pinned on people seeking their birth parents.  

My thinking is maybe people will stop lying about the existence of an actual person.....whether that they were born or who that child’s parent is.  

Yes sometimes the situations are very complicated.  But the complications are only worsened by the lies.  

And sometimes complicated situations are worsened by not letting sleeping dogs lie.  It's just not as simple as you desperately want it to be.
 

Edited October 25, 2018 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[Scarlett]

Just now, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

And sometimes complicated situations are worsened by not letting sleeping dogs lie.  It's just not as simple as you desperately want it to be.

I am not desperate. And easy for some to say let sleeping dogs lie when thy aren’t the ones wondering where they came from. 

[HS Mom in NC]

Just now, Scarlett said:

I am not desperate. And easy for some to say let sleeping dogs lie when thy aren’t the ones wondering where they came from. 

But again you want it to be as simple as everyone seeing it the same as you do. Not everyone in that situation wants the complications that come from waking sleeping dogs. I have extended family who are adopted who have deeply regretted satisfying that curiosity-it came with far more than they bargained for.

And let's be realistic here.  There are people who believed abortion is murder when they weren't unexpectedly pregnant who had an instant change of heart when they found themselves unexpectedly pregnant. Again, it's just not that simple.

[Scarlett]

7 hours ago, Homeschool Mom in AZ said:

But again you want it to be as simple as everyone seeing it the same as you do. Not everyone in that situation wants the complications that come from waking sleeping dogs. I have extended family who are adopted who have deeply regretted satisfying that curiosity-it came with far more than they bargained for.

And let's be realistic here.  There are people who believed abortion is murder when they weren't unexpectedly pregnant who had an instant change of heart when they found themselves unexpectedly pregnant. Again, it's just not that simple.

I have said several times that not everyone is going to see this issue the same.  

And again if someone chooses abortion in an attempt to avoid being found out that is still that persons decision.  It can’t be placed upon the people of the world just trying to find their roots.  

[nixpix5]

On 10/22/2018 at 3:36 PM, regentrude said:

And I believe that any woman has the right to privacy and that giving up a child for adoption, being raped, or having an affair do not need to be dragged out into the open.  The reasons why a woman becomes pregnant by a man who is not her husband are often painful, and digging this up decades later reopens the wound and invites judgment. 

I have no desire to have a DNA test. Why would I need to know that there are other people out there who share my DNA? I didn't miss them until now. It is not my right to delve into my elders most intimate secrets. They are theirs to keep.

This really resonates with me.

I have always fallen on the side that believes genetics isn't everything. I also have been burned though. A half sister materialized in my adult life and she was an absolute mess. She was a drug addict who stole continually from us and then her daughters had various children that were taken away and placed in foster care. We were called on 4 different occasions to be a kinship placement each time a child was taken since there was nobody else fit within their closer family unit. It was a nightmare to finally shake myself of her. It would be nice to have a sister but that was not a good experience at all.

 

[Scarlett]

2 minutes ago, nixpix5 said:

This really resonates with me.

I have always fallen on the side that believes genetics isn't everything. I also have been burned though. A half sister materialized in my adult life and she was an absolute mess. She was a drug addict who stole continually from us and then her daughters had various children that were taken away and placed in foster care. We were called on 4 different occasions to be a kinship placement each time a child was taken since there was nobody else fit within their closer family unit. It was a nightmare to finally shake myself of her. It would be nice to have a sister but that was not a good experience at all.

 

It is true not all experiences are good....and that is also true of siblings we may have been raised with.