Continue homeschooling high school vs. attend private school?

[Joyful]

We’re at a decision point right now as to whether to continue homeschooling high school till graduation, or send our son to a private brick and mortar school. I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do. My husband and son are both also undecided, and could go either way.

 

We’ve been homeschooling since my oldest son was in kindergarten. We have enjoyed homeschooling immensely. Our kids (we have 3) have a love of learning as a result of homeschooling, and we appreciate that the children can learn for mastery at their own pace. Our kids have close relationships with each other. Sure there are conflicts and bickering, and some fighting. But generally, they love spending time with each other.

 

We were part of a vibrant homeschool co-op that met weekly September through May. But about 2 years ago, we moved overseas to a country where very few families homeschool. We have found a group of homeschoolers (expat and local families) that meet every 2 weeks or so for field trips and different activities. And we’ve been quite active in the group. In recent years, the number of homeschooling families has been increasing, but most of them are with children in preschool through the early elementary years. So it’s been a bit challenging to find peers for socializing form my 2 teenagers.

 

We are considering sending our son to a private American school (American curriculum) for Gr. 10 -12. We’re thinking about it for two reasons:

 

1) Social: my son has been having a hard time finding peers with whom to socialize. He likes interactions with people, though he’s not an extrovert. So, we think going to school will give him the environment to socialize that he hasn’t been able to find here.

 

2) Academic: in the region where we first lived, there were many group high school classes for homeschoolers taught by expert teachers. However, where we now live, such resources are not available. Because homeschooling is not officially recognized, the local colleges specify that students must be attending brick and mortar school students to qualify to take DE courses. The American school we are considering has about 20 AP courses available.

 

However, there are a number of reasons that we would want to keep homeschooling:

 

1) Family lifestyle and relationships: Our children love spending time together. I’m concerned how our family dynamics might change with the oldest attending school. Because our daughter is close in age with our oldest, the two of them are classmates in a couple of courses that they study. I worry that my daughter will miss having her brother around, and that she might feel lonely.

 

We live in a very busy city. And our homeschooling lifestyle has allowed us to carve out a quieter, and slower (more sane, if you will) rhythm of life in comparison. Having one child in the “school system†will suck us into a busy schedule and routine. That is something that I am not so keen about.

 

Also, my husband works on weekends and has an off day during the week. Because we’ve been homeschooling, we’ve been able to adjust our schedule to his, so that we can have a “family off day†together. We really treasure that time we have together.

 

2) Time to explore interests: My son loves math. He would love to have the time to go through all the AoPS books and take all of their online classes. He would like to prepare for math competitions. And he has been thinking about starting a math circle for the younger homeschoolers. He also loves playing chess, and has recently started to “cube.†Although I’m not so sure I can find anything “productive†in these latter 2 interests of his, I appreciate how he has a lot of fun doing them.

 

3) Attitude towards learning: I’ve been told that in most of the local schools here, the students do a lot of studying, but there isn’t a corresponding love for learning. At the American school, it is the same way. The kids are also quite driven academically. Would my son then become competitive, and be driven for grades rather than enjoy the learning? Would he become preoccupied with comparing himself with his classmates?

 

One of my homeschooling friends here tells me that attending a brick and mortar school might not provide the social piece that we find missing, and may bring more “thorny issues†into the pictures. So, rather than imagining how things might be, I figure that it would be better to ask the “hive†what your children’s experiences have been like. I would appreciate your sharing these things with me!

 

So, for those of you who have children who were homeschooled through middle school, then finished high school in brick and mortar schools, can you please share the reasons your families made the decision? Also, how did things turn out for your children? Did your expectations of attending school turn out like you had thought?  What were the social aspects of attending school like? Did attending school open up opportunities for learning that might not have been there if you continued homeschooling? How did going to school affect your child’s relationship with siblings and parents?

 

For those who homeschooled all the way through, can you please share the reasons your family decided to continue homeschooling high school? How did your children find friends (or, how did they meet their needs for socializing?) What kind for interests were your children able to pursue?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post! Thanks also for taking the time to write and share with me your thoughts.

[Julie of KY]

I "think" you can fulfill your academic classes with great online classes without having to duel enroll so I suspect you can be satisfied with the academic side of things. There are enough asynchronous courses that you can be anywhere in the world and take them as long as you have good internet. Will online courses work toward your college goals? I know if will work for American colleges, but I don't know your situation.

 

As far as social - that sound like this will be the deciding point for you. Both the social (good and bad) of sending them be a school as well as what you lose out on family-wise socially. What else is available that isn't linked to a school for social outlets?

 

My kids have been homeschooled all the way through. Their main social outlets have been Boy Scouts, Church, and Ultimate Frisbee. Social outlets might be found through volunteer opportunities, sports, church, local organizations - it certainly doesn't have to be homeschoolers. I do think the social side of the decision is important as teens need that socialization. What do teens in your area do outside of school? Is there a way for your homeschool group to do some smaller teen specific activities?

 

Hope you find what path is best for you.

[merylvdm]

We moved to the US when my kids were 12, 9, 7 and 2 1/2. The oldest 3 had been in public and private schools in South Africa until then and we decided to homeschool because of the poor academics of the schools they were zoned for in our town. This worked great for them and they homeschooled all the way till they graduated.

 

But my youngest is 5 years younger than her youngest sibling and she found 8th grade alone in a quiet house hard. She was attending a co-op once a week and we were involved in a very active homeschool group. In particular, she was on a few academic teams. And she did 4-H. And church sports. But she wanted the experience of a classroom and hated being home alone.

 

Two years prior to this our local high school became an IB school so that improved the academics and we agreed to let her go there. She has not been tempted to return to homeschooling, but it has also not been easy. Many of the girls are mean. She does have a small circle of friends - but most of her classmates she is unlikely to keep contact with after graduating (she has just finished her junior year).  She is not impressed with the way the kids behave before, at and after the winter formals and proms. But she has found a few students who share her values so she is not miserable. Her advice now to incoming freshman is to seek out the nerd group. It took her a while to figure out they are nicer and more fun to be with!

 

As far as academics go, she has had the opportunity to take AP and IB classes BUT she has not had the same quality education her siblings had. We did Sonlight plus some Great Courses, AOPS, and various electives I pulled together. She does have some good teachers - but a good number of mediocre ones and some who were downright bad. I hate the huge amount of time she has to spend on summer assignments, how few classics they read and the busy work.

 

All that said, "regular" school was the best choice for her. She did not want to stay home and it would have been a struggle for 4 years. Instead, I have a great relationship with her and school has not negatively affected her character.

 

But, I still feel that on the whole, homeschooling is a better system when it is done correctly and the student is happy at home. I have stayed involved with the homeschool community and the kids I work with show a lot more intellectual curiosity than most of my daughter's classmates. They are also  nicer people :)

 

[Joyful]

Thank you ladies, for taking the time to write.  :001_smile:

 

Julie of KY, it's reassuring to know that it is possible to have a challenging  course of study while homeschooling. I feel like you've correctly pinpointed that the social aspect would be the key determining factor. It would be great to have a situation in which we can have both the family closeness and the peer social interactions for my son. I haven't been able to get a good sense of what teens do outside of school here. I know that many go to  tutorials and practice learning musical instruments. Many teens participate in school based teams sports here. But there are classes and training lessons for more individual sports. So, that could be something to explore. Other than that, I'll need to go and do some investigating.

 

merylvdm, thanks for sharing candidly about your daughter. I'm glad to hear that she has a few good friends. I'll have to remember that the social scene at school is a mixed bag, and so if he goes to school, my son will have to find his niche.

[G5052]

Both of mine graduated from homeschooling.

 

In high school, they both had a "best bud" that they spent time with on weekends and texted during the week. Both had community-based and church activities. And they were good with that.

 

I used to teach at the local community college, and from what I've seen myself and heard from other professors, I gave mine a superior education. Even compared to the two $30,000/year prep schools, my academics beat theirs. Granted, they had more formal programs, cool senior trips, etc., but I know for a fact that my older one's SAT scores were in the top three in our county. Mine both loved being at home. Both had some health problems that made us thankful for the schedule flexibility. Both did AP's and dual enrollment.

 

We also outsourced outline for some classes, and DD did a local history/lit class with a friend of mine. She really liked the kids there, but frankly it was an easy class for her in terms of workload. She had very strong history/lit prior to that and read harder books with me than the ones covered there, but she still learned a lot. 

 

I've asked them both separately how they felt about homeschooling, and it was overwhelmingly positive for them. They have public school friends and never felt envious of them at all.

[Pen]

my comments interspersed below with ///// before and after.

 

We’re at a decision point right now as to whether to continue homeschooling high school till graduation, or send our son to a private brick and mortar school. I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do. My husband and son are both also undecided, and could go either way.

 

///////from what you write both have plus and minus to them and it is truly unclear which would be best//////

 

We’ve been homeschooling since my oldest son was in kindergarten. We have enjoyed homeschooling immensely. Our kids (we have 3) have a love of learning as a result of homeschooling, and we appreciate that the children can learn for mastery at their own pace. Our kids have close relationships with each other. Sure there are conflicts and bickering, and some fighting. But generally, they love spending time with each other.

 

We were part of a vibrant homeschool co-op that met weekly September through May. But about 2 years ago, we moved overseas to a country where very few families homeschool. We have found a group of homeschoolers (expat and local families) that meet every 2 weeks or so for field trips and different activities. And we’ve been quite active in the group. In recent years, the number of homeschooling families has been increasing, but most of them are with children in preschool through the early elementary years. So it’s been a bit challenging to find peers for socializing form my 2 teenagers.

 

We are considering sending our son to a private American school (American curriculum) for Gr. 10 -12. We’re thinking about it for two reasons:

 

1) Social: my son has been having a hard time finding peers with whom to socialize. He likes interactions with people, though he’s not an extrovert. So, we think going to school will give him the environment to socialize that he hasn’t been able to find here.

 

/////////My ds started into brick and mortar school this year, 8th, and will continue for 9th. Primary reasons were social and sports on positive side. And for us also that homeschool was becoming a battle of wills emotionally, which you do not seem to be facing.  Mine as only child and with a close friend having moved away had even more social reasons than yours.  The transition was a bit hard, but he has found friends now at school, and that is extremely positive for him. Even with a lot of work on my part to take him to homeschool co-op etc. that did not provide good friends for him.  For him the brick and mortar school has been better for that--friends who I expect he'll get together with over the summer, not just people who sees at school but are not really friends..///////////// 

 

 

2) Academic: in the region where we first lived, there were many group high school classes for homeschoolers taught by expert teachers. However, where we now live, such resources are not available. Because homeschooling is not officially recognized, the local colleges specify that students must be attending brick and mortar school students to qualify to take DE courses. The American school we are considering has about 20 AP courses available.

 

 

//////////My guess is you could find good sources still academically if you looked. My feeling is that only a very few brick and mortar schools are up to the academics that can be achieved at home. However, it can be very hard to find, commute to, etc. the needed resources as homeschooler.

But, brick and mortar school has otoh provided some classes that we might not even have thought of from home, that enlarge horizons.  And, what it does, it is self contained there, with science labs, woodshops, and so on available.   ////////

 

However, there are a number of reasons that we would want to keep homeschooling:

 

1) Family lifestyle and relationships: Our children love spending time together. I’m concerned how our family dynamics might change with the oldest attending school. Because our daughter is close in age with our oldest, the two of them are classmates in a couple of courses that they study. I worry that my daughter will miss having her brother around, and that she might feel lonely.

 

We live in a very busy city. And our homeschooling lifestyle has allowed us to carve out a quieter, and slower (more sane, if you will) rhythm of life in comparison. Having one child in the “school system†will suck us into a busy schedule and routine. That is something that I am not so keen about.

 

Also, my husband works on weekends and has an off day during the week. Because we’ve been homeschooling, we’ve been able to adjust our schedule to his, so that we can have a “family off day†together. We really treasure that time we have together.

 

 

////////all these seem like valid considerations///////

 

2) Time to explore interests: My son loves math. He would love to have the time to go through all the AoPS books and take all of their online classes. He would like to prepare for math competitions. And he has been thinking about starting a math circle for the younger homeschoolers. He also loves playing chess, and has recently started to “cube.†Although I’m not so sure I can find anything “productive†in these latter 2 interests of his, I appreciate how he has a lot of fun doing them.

 

///////this may still be possible when in school, depending...    Possibly more options for chess friends (or start a club for it), could maybe start a math circle for community service project, Can possibly do AoPS in summer, or even get permission to do that for math while in school   ...  

 

These seem to me like they'd lend themselves well to brick and mortar school by and large.  We have had a bigger issue in that my ds is an ice skater which where we are is only a sport during the school year, and is a drive to the city to go to rink lessons etc.   That has been very hard to manage on top of school and school sports. And some midday sessions that were available as a homeschooler, are now totally not possible.////////

 

3) Attitude towards learning: I’ve been told that in most of the local schools here, the students do a lot of studying, but there isn’t a corresponding love for learning. At the American school, it is the same way. The kids are also quite driven academically. Would my son then become competitive, and be driven for grades rather than enjoy the learning? Would he become preoccupied with comparing himself with his classmates?

 

////////   don't know.   That probably has more to do with him and his internal feelings now, than the school.  Talk to him about it.  Is the American School the only suitable option?/////

 

One of my homeschooling friends here tells me that attending a brick and mortar school might not provide the social piece that we find missing, and may bring more “thorny issues†into the pictures. So, rather than imagining how things might be, I figure that it would be better to ask the “hive†what your children’s experiences have been like. I would appreciate your sharing these things with me!

 

 

///////////For my ds b and m school is providing the social piece he needed.  It was not immediate. It is not always smooth sailing.  But he is no longer lonely.  Most of the time he is happy with the social situation.  I think when there have been problems, he is still happier than he had been with the homeschool situation.  That said, some kids do not find friends at school, but you could have a plan to try it for a year and if he's not found a social niche to consider going back to homeschool.  My ds found his niche mainly in sports. But they have other things that others find theirs in such as band, robotics club, etc.   For my ds the positives of the social situation are such that other aspects would have to be very, very negative to have that weigh more strongly in  balance--or the social situation would have to have a major turn for the worse. He did not win, but was enough into the social milieu to feel comfortable running for a class office. /////////

 

So, for those of you who have children who were homeschooled through middle school, then finished high school in brick and mortar schools, can you please share the reasons your families made the decision? Also, how did things turn out for your children? Did your expectations of attending school turn out like you had thought?  What were the social aspects of attending school like? Did attending school open up opportunities for learning that might not have been there if you continued homeschooling? How did going to school affect your child’s relationship with siblings and parents?

 

For those who homeschooled all the way through, can you please share the reasons your family decided to continue homeschooling high school? How did your children find friends (or, how did they meet their needs for socializing?) What kind for interests were your children able to pursue?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my long post! Thanks also for taking the time to write and share with me your thoughts.

 

[Joyful]

Thanks for writing! I sent the link for this thread to DH so that he could read too. That way, we can things to refer to when we discuss the decision together.

 

It seems too obvious to say that everyone is different. But indeed that is the case - and that is what we read in your replies. When we first started applying to the private school, I was panicking because I couldn't see a solution to my son's need for community. At the same time, I was also feeling inadequate about my ability to provide him a solid high school education. But reading your sharings - both the ones whom kept homeschooling, and those who switched to traditional school, I find echos of familiar sentiments. It good to know that I'm not the only ones who experiences these concerns.

 

I just finished reading a couple of older threads about the struggle with the social piece of homeschooling teens. I didn't know that it is common for the number of homeschooling students to thin out in the teenage years. And that makes some teens feel awkward about going to homeschool activities. I've heard that feedback from moms of the teens in our homeschool group here (the few that there are). And I noted a good number of people mentioning that for teens, their social involvement can shift from being with fellow homeschoolers to community groups/activities and sports. That's given me some food for thought.