MicheleB Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 I posted about my 14yo dd a little bit ago, and many of you said you suspect NVLD. I am wondering: How does this work as an adult? I mean, theoretically, I should have realized *much* sooner she needed help and had therapy for her. But since I didn't, what can I hope for? Like I said, she's very intelligent (and btw, the testing is put off till January now). But I can't right now ever see her being married or having children. She seems to lack empathy/compassion for humans but *not* for animals. ??? She seems to expect a certain rigid code of behavior from kids, no matter their age. For example, she gets angry because my 8yo gets upset about something an 8yo would typically get upset about. She can't see that SHE is now 14 and of course it doesn't bother her now, but it did when she was that age. Plus she keeps saying she "hates" little kids. She quit working in the church nursery and helping out at MOPS. She doesn't want to babysit. Etc. I don't know. I am almost worried about her having children at this point. I don't think she could handle the emotional demands. Is this typical? I mean, sometimes she surprises me. Like she'd like to work in an orphanage. Or she feels bad for someone at church because they look lonely. But most of the time, she seems unrealistic in her expectations of others. Maybe that's just being a teen??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted October 28, 2008 Share Posted October 28, 2008 Teens aren't always the most empathetic of creatures, especially when it comes to their younger sibs. And not all teenaged girls (or adult women for that matter!) enjoy groups of other people's children. That said, if you think that she is outside of normal limits, and it sounds like you do think that, I would look for a social skills group for her. Social skills can be taught and can improve the outlook for future human relationships. That is so important! Check with local OT programs, pyschological practices, or the children's hospital. Also, build on her strengths, such as a love of animals. If she doesn't like/want children, she doesn't have to have them. If she has real empathy for animals, she could get a job in that area. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misty Posted October 30, 2008 Share Posted October 30, 2008 She needs evaluated for Asperger's as well as NVLD. A lot of what you have said about her sounds like Asperger's. Even if she is social she could still have it. NVLD is VERY similar to Asperger's and they overlap in many areas. My 5yo has both. Oh, and when I was a teen, I did not like children either and I did not think I would ever have children. Now I can't imagine my life without them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MicheleB Posted October 30, 2008 Author Share Posted October 30, 2008 Thanks Laurie and Misty. At this point, I actually hope she doesn't have children. That sounds so awful! But unless she could somehow 'relate' and learn a different perspective, I don't think it'd be a good idea! I guess I think her dislike for children is so unreasonable. I don't expect her to love them and mush and gush like my 13 yo does. But she gets so angry at them just for 'being a kid'. Well, we have testing in January and hopefully I'll know more. I wish I had known this years ago. I think I could have been a bit more understanding with her. She is our oldest and so smart, you just can kind of slide into expecting too much of her. KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cillakat Posted November 6, 2008 Share Posted November 6, 2008 I have an adult friend with NVLD. It is difficult. She has no other adult friends and is really really hard on her kids. She wants to be the fun mom, have other kids around etc but she can't cope with it.....she tries to have compassion for other people/situations/children but it's just not really there b/c she just doesn't 'get' others PsOV. I'm thinking that with earlier intervention (she was dx'ed at 30something) social skills classes *might* have helped? All the best, Katherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 IShe seems to lack empathy/compassion for humans but *not* for animals. Have you read anything by Dr. Daniel Amen? It seems to me that he mentioned this in Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, but I'm not sure. It might have been another book. Anyway, there are things that can be done to help develop the parts of the brain that are lacking, both with practice and with medication. There is hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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