With so many writing threads, I just have to share....

[Rhondabee]

and a little brag....I thought this was too funny! (It reminds me of that commercial of the guy working drive-thru that goes all announcer-voice while taking the orders...)

 

Remember, this is my 7th grader who didn't know a noun from a verb when we pulled him out of ps in 5th grade. I haven't edited it at all, and he hasn't proofed.

 

This is his 300-word descriptive composition (R&S-7) - He "couldn't" think of a topic, so I told him to write about his favorite fast-food meal. Can ya tell he was adding in adjectives to get to 300 words?

 

McDonald's Meal

 

My favorite meal, when I go to McDonald's, is a juicy double Quarter-pounder, some salty fries, and a nice cool chocolate milkshake. As I stand in an extensively long line I can hear the patties sizzle when they flip and the shuffle of the fries. I smell the meat being cooked to just the right temperature and salt being poured on the fries. The crackling of the paper wrapping around a sweet sesame see bun tells me I'm about to get my delicious, custom-made meal. The last and definitely not the least is the mouth-watering chocolate milkshake. Iced to be cold enough for brainfreeze at one sip, and so thick you have to suck in your eyeballs!

 

As I take my tray to a seat, I smell the delectable aromas of ketchup and mustard. Both of them perfect contradictions to each other and able to cool the steaming hot fry. When I unwrap the burger I see everything done exactly as I ordered it. The soft, warm bun on top of one hundred percent hot and juicy beef, the cheese set between two choice patties smothered within cold ketchup and mustard. The taste of its juicy warmth is so savory, that no one wishes it would end. No pickles interrrupt the first exquisite bite and no onions mess up the feel with an annoying and irritating crunch.

 

Now for the side item of the meal. The straight, slim fries are able to make a perfect side dish next to the tempting burger. The fry, steaming and partically bulging with the stuffing potatoes, is perfect dipped in ketchup. The smooth ketchup combined with a crunchy fry is simply great!

 

Now to cool off and wash down all that food with a nice cold shake. This final part of a truly awesome meal I usually take home or in the car to enjoy. The thickness makes it hard to get to, but all the more desirable. The chocolatey taste is rich with flavor and bythe time I'm home I'm usually done with it. I am satisfied and my belly full all for..........ten dollars!

 

:eek:

[Lisawa]

I love it and just read it to my daughter! She even agreed about the pickle and the onions! I say well done... I didn’t read to edit it, I just read out of pure enjoyment! lol

 

Please let him know. Good job!

[Beth in Central TX]

That's great! There's no need to teach dress-ups here either; all I need to do is assign a number of words and the adjectives start flying. We start R&S 7 next year. DS #1 can never think of anything to write either. I'll have to remember your topic.

[Julie in GA]

I am satisfied and my belly full all for..........ten dollars!

 

:eek:

 

Ten dollars! Times sure have changed, haven't they?

[Guest janainaz]

I read this today to my son for inspiration! He's only 8, but despises writing and he listened with a big smile on his face. I think that one is worth framing and showcasing with a light above it! :) I would be proud of that, too! Cleary, your son has excellent writing skills to communicate his thoughts (maybe just needs inspiration!).

 

**That made us ALL want McDonald's for lunch :)

[Sweetpeach]

I feel like I know your son better. I was engaged in his writing; I felt like he had a voice and I was right there with him at the restaurant, watching him enjoy his fast food meal.

 

My only comment is sometimes less is more, when it comes to descriptive words.

 

Cheers, Mom -- seems like you and your ds have had a productive couple years at home.

 

Tricia

[Rhondabee]

I read your comments to my ds, and he just beamed! (He's of the opinion that if *I* say it's good, that I *have* to say that because I'm just his mom :rolleyes: )

 

Thanks for all your positive comments - they really made his day!

[Chloe]

Wow! What a great job! Can you come teach my dc how to write like that?

 

BTW, what kind of writing instruction have you done, just R & S?

[Kathy in MD]

part about the eyeballs and the shake :D:D

 

Of course my ds would probably run out to get the shake based on that description alone :p

[Rhondabee]

Wow! What a great job! Can you come teach my dc how to write like that?

 

BTW, what kind of writing instruction have you done, just R & S?

 

I have tried to supplement with CW, CC, Wordsmith, and WRiting Strands; but what I always come back to is that it's better for us to do less and do it well (and do the same thing over-and-over again on different topics) than to spread ourselves too thin. (I don't think I've used any of the others for more than 3 weeks before giving it up.)

 

To be honest, writing comes fairly easily for me; teaching it has not been quite so easy! If I can find some posts from the old board (from Jean in Wisc and Janice in NJ), I will link them in a new post below. They can explain so much better than I the process of spoon-feeding and modeling that I have tried to follow.

 

Off to search!

Rhonda

[Lori D.]

nt

[Rhondabee]

at least about teaching writing. (OH, how embarrassing!)

 

Here are my posts filled with angst and anxiety and Jean's and Janice's very wonderful replies. I only wish I had followed their advice more strictly....

 

*************************************

 

Posted by Rhondabee on 21:03 Sep 8

 

All the writing programs seem to teach "stories", which is not what this child needs. He has always LOVED writing stories, even in his spare time. He's quite good at it, really. But, ask him to write a paragraph comparing animal cells and plant cells and you will get a sentence that reads like his 3rd grade brother wrote it for him (or worse!)

 

He needs to understand how to organize like thoughts into one paragraph, put them in a logical order - preferably using complete sentences with some thought given to transitions. Maybe even more basic - how to choose which thoughts are worthy to be included in his paragraph.

 

I had wanted to start either CW or CC this year with him - we did a trial run this summer and he really enjoyed CW and did quite well - but again, that's writing stories. So, I am holding off and using Rod&Staff to hopefully help with non-fiction writing. I guess I am worried that I'm not doing enough. I know it won't happen overnight. This week was just very discouraging. It seems he can't write anything resembling an essay unless I spoon-feed it to him!

 

If you've BTDT with a child and come through, could you share? Are we on the right track? We are really trying to follow WTM suggestions for all subjects, so we are writing in literature, history and science every week - and I am using the Rod and Staff writing exercises to guide those compositions. Should I try something else or just keep plugging away?

 

Thanks so much!

Rhonda

 

 

Here's my earlier post:

 

Need help! DS (6th) can write stories all day long, but he can't write a paragraph in history or science to save his life!!!!....

 

All the writing programs seem to teach "stories", which is not what this child needs. He has always LOVED writing stories, even in his spare time. He's quite good at it, really. But, ask him to write a paragraph comparing animal cells and plant cells and you will get a sentence that reads like his 3rd grade brother wrote it for him (or worse!)

 

He needs to understand how to organize like thoughts into one paragraph, put them in a logical order - preferably using complete sentences with some thought given to transitions. Maybe even more basic - how to choose which thoughts are worthy to be included in his paragraph.

 

I had wanted to start either CW or CC this year with him - we did a trial run this summer and he really enjoyed CW and did quite well - but again, that's writing stories. So, I am holding off and using Rod&Staff to hopefully help with non-fiction writing. I guess I am worried that I'm not doing enough. I know it won't happen overnight. This week was just very discouraging. It seems he can't write anything resembling an essay unless I spoon-feed it to him!

 

If you've BTDT with a child and come through, could you share? Are we on the right track? We are really trying to follow WTM suggestions for all subjects, so we are writing in literature, history and science every week - and I am using the Rod and Staff writing exercises to guide those compositions. Should I try something else or just keep plugging away?

 

Thanks so much!

Rhonda

 

***

 

Posted by Jean in Wisc. on 9:09 Sep 10

In Reply to: Thanks for the warning, Jean!.... question inside.... posted by Rhondabee

It sounds like the R&S writing sections are going to teach what you need. I did not have children who were born writers. We've struggled through a lot of years. One thing you need to know is that some children's brains don't think in logical order in 6th grade--truthfully, you may not see a "writer" emerge until after his growth spurt. Get him into some logic material and get him to require he think in straight lines :-). I like the Dandy Lion Logic books for this age and when we are done with those we move into The Fallacy Detective/Thinking Toolbox. We do Traditional Logic in 9th grade.

 

This said, you do want to keep him writing, but you also want to give him time to learn what he has to do. I started with my doing the work on the white board while I asked him for suggestions but I lead the whole process. The dc read the history or science to me and I wrote the outline on the chalk board. He then copied it into his notebook at the end of the session. Later on I had the child stand at the white board while I read, and I had him do more and more of the decision making on what to write down as he was able. Before long, he was able to do it completely on his own.

 

As far as writing an essay style paper, I worked with him the same way. We started with a VERY detailed outline (usually a line for each sentence), discussing what needed to be said and where to put it . From that outline, we wrote the paper together. As the child caught on to the process, he did more and more of it on his own until he was able to write the whole paper on his own. I still require the outline--not so detailed--but I don't let them write their essays from the top of their heads. Now I take the papers they write and we look over them to make changes--better transitions, grammar adjustments, whatever--and then they go back to the computer and make changes.

 

We are using a mixture of programs. I have the student books of CC and read D'Angelo's Compostion in the Classical Tradition to help understand what we are suppose to be doing--I find the instructions in CC confusing. Then I use the topics in CC as suggestions for the dc's papers. We have not gotten all the way through--maybe half way. My oldest did not start classical until 7th grade, and she is not getting a full classical education. The progym is not going to be done by the time she graduates. I think the progym is well worth the effort of doing, but it is not the only program I am going to use--too many other "modern" types of writing that I want to address. We do a mixture.

 

HTH,

Jean

 

.

[Rhondabee]

******************************************************************************************

 

Posted by Rhondabee on 18:20 Sep 13

In Reply to: Well, what I've learned the last 6/7 years... posted by Taz & Storm's Mom

after reading several of your posts, I now have Classical Writing (Aesop & Homer)and Classical Composition (Fable). My 6th grader ds did about four weeks of CW Aesop this summer - and did fantasticly.

 

But, now that we are doing paragraphs for History and Science, I am faced with the reality that this child cannot write a non-fiction paragraph. He can't even come up with a topic sentence if I brainstorm all the details for him. He does OK with his literature narrations - but they are only that. I tried to get him to include a little lit. analysis of Robert Nye's Beowulf (which he loved), but it's really just a narration. It sounds like he's talking to his friends - very informal writing.

 

I had decided to give him a paragraph from the encyclopedia to copy every day, and we have been dictation this year (just a sentence a day is all he can stand so far!). I have told him my only REAL goal for him this year is to be able to write a paragraph in 30-45 minutes.

 

Sorry for the rant - I just am wondering, given his circumstances, do you agree that we should hold off on the progym until he can write a paragraph without me holding his hand? Or, would doing the progym really help with that?

 

We are using Rod&Staff 6 this year, and I am using their writing lessons. Any other suggestions you could give, I would so appreciate!

 

Thanks so much!

Rhonda

 

***

Posted by Janice in NJ on 3:39 Sep 14

In Reply to: If you don't mind, I have a question re: my 6th grader.... posted by Rhondabee

Are you sick of me yet? :-)

 

I agree with Peela. Regarding tackling paragraphs - the hitch around here was that *I* didn't know how to write a good paragraph. That was tough to admit. Oh, well. That's happened more than once around here since I began hsing. It's getting easier.

 

You mentioned the encyclopedia. Which one are you using? We like World Book; we use the computer version. When we began using it for writing paragraphs, I took the time to point some things out to my kids. If you have the CD version, there is a way to view and print out the outline for each article. For example, if you are studying earthquakes in earth science, you can do an article search on earthquakes. When you get to the article, you will see that it is quite long. Have him read it. Then click on article tools. Choose Outline. An outline of the article appears along the left. It is very long. You will quickly see that it would be very hard for anyone to summarize this article into a paragraph. That's cool. It's time to teach the student how to narrow down his topic.

 

Choose something small like: Damage by Earthquakes. It has the following subpoints:

 

How earthquakes cause damage

Fault Slippage

Ground shaking

Tsunamis

Structural hazards

 

Explain that the outline is the gameplan. The author is going to talk about damage by earthquakes and he is going to talks about four things that cause damage. Have the student re-read that section of the article. NOW take the time to point out that the first paragraph of that section of the article, How earthquakes cause damage, is hiding HIS topic sentence. TALK about it. PULL that topic sentence out of him. Ask questions. Say things like, "Oh, so what you are saying is that earthquakes cause damage four ways. Hmmm... what are those four ways?" He tells you; he probably just lists them. You say, "OK. Great. Now how can we make that into a sentence? We could say, 'Earthquakes can cause damage through fault slipping...." He finishes the list. Then you say, "Let's write that down. That's a good topic sentence for your paragraph." Then YOU say it back to him as he writes it down. When you are done dictating and he is done writing, have him read what he wrote. This is good practice.

 

Then you say, "Great. Now you wrote a great topic sentence. You told the reader that your paragraph was going to be about the four ways that earthquakes cause damage. Now we just have to write one sentence about each of the four ways." (You could make him follow up his paragraph with a concluding sentence or you could save that for another lesson; it's your choice.) Have him read the next section on fault slippage. HELP him condense the info into one concise sentence; this is where those narration skills come into play. Perfection comes with practice on this; your goal is to get him to eventually state his ideas outloud in a complete, grammatically-correct sentence before he writes his sentence down. This takes a while. In the beginning you basically take his phrases, clauses, and loose thoughts and make the sentence for him. You say, "Oh. So you want to say... THIS is where you form his thoughts into a complete sentence that you are planning for him to write down. It's ALL you in the beginning. :-) Just think process. YOU say the sentence that forms his thoughts into words. And then you say, "Did you want to say something like that?" You smile. He brightens. Wow! He came up with a terrific sentence. It sounds great. Have him repeat the complete sentence back to you. Help him if he can't remember it, but try to get to the point where he can SAY the whole sentence without stopping before he writes it. You repeat it back to him in chunks so he can take dictation and write "his" sentence down. You move onto the next sentence together.

 

This process of reading each section and condensing it into one sentence and writing it down and then moving onto the next sentence takes time. It's worth it.

 

When you are all done, you can print the picture in the article of the San Francisco quake to go with "his" beautiful paragraph. Put it on the fridge. Let him be proud of it.

 

Take a break. Continue with either copywork or dictation every day though. Practice narration - form a couple of condensing sentences every day. Remember in the beginning YOU are the one who forms the thoughts into complete grammatically correct sentences. Then he repeats "your" sentence; he thinks it is his. :-) Think process.

 

Write another paragraph in 3-4 days. Eventually move onto writing a paragraph in history, science, and literature every week. Then move onto 1/2 page in each of those every week.

 

Finally: My daughter is working through Put That in Writing - Level 1. It's all about the paragraph. But it launches right into outlining without a ton of instruction. We've been outlining and writing paragraphs for a while, so I think she is ready for the book. It's time for her to fine-tune her skills. Honestly? I wouldn't recommend the book unless the student has had plenty of practice with this read, outline, narrate, and write process. I'm sure that a student who hasn't done this could learn from the book, but I don't think that they will pull from it everything that's offered in the way of instruction.

 

For what it's worth.

 

Enjoy your little people.

Enjoy your journey

[Chloe]

Rhonda,

Thank you so much for posting these past posts! So helpful!

[Rhondabee]

Also, we do outline for history using the OOP Kingfisher, and we continue to do narrations from SOTW. I also have him write his Science Lab reports in paragraphs. So, I guess that's a bit more than "Just R&S"

 

=)