Just how firm should I be WRT self-care measures...

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

...for a depressed teen? We're having a down day here, and I know for a fact that a shower will result in a 180-degree turnaround in mood, but I'm getting resistance. I could force her to do it if I really wanted to, but sometimes that results in improved mood but also increased animosity toward me because I took away her control. 

 

We have this problem in other areas too. I want her to try the light lamp, but she doesn't want to, in spite of all the good things we hear. I want her to get out of her PJs every day, but she often fights me on that (not today, thankfully). I want her to shower first thing every morning, because it improves mood and also makes it possible for her to get out of the house, which she knows helps her as well. On our worst days, she even fights me on taking the supplements she knows will help her (usually after a day or so of not taking them, so she's already spiraled downward). 

 

Is it worse for me to force her and make her feel disempowered, or is it more important for me to insist on the self-care measures and have her be irritated with me?

 

*sigh*

 

Thanks. 

Edited December 18, 2016 by ILiveInFlipFlops

[hornblower]

I'd force it.

What sometimes helps is if on a good moment, you make up a list of things. Ideally have them sign it or draw a happy face on it or something - so their mark is on it. Have that conversation with them during the good time where they'll talk about the fact that:  "I will not want to do it but I need to anyway".  

 

Then when it's happening remind them that this is exactly what they predicted and that this is the disease trying to sabotage their brain.  

 

Be the bad guy. 



 

[Lawana]

BTDT. Sometimes there is no good answer. I usually err on the side of leaving them alone, but that is just me and my conflict avoidance. Sometimes they want it both ways--to be in control and also to be taken care of and made to do the things that will help.

[Schadenfreude]

You can force some issues without it being a power struggle. Give her the choice to shower in the morning or before bed, replace the light fixture in her room with a light box type light (we have done this in several rooms), and buy liquid vitamins you can mix with her milk. Depression in teens is even worse then with adults because they have so much more going on hormonally.

 

Edited to add that you can let her stay in pjs but tell her she must put on clean ones and brush her teeth and hair.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Schadenfreude

[catz]

I'd gently force to build a habit.  I.e. now it's morning.  You cannot touch technology without showering, brushing hair, eating break fast, taking vitamins, etc.  How old is she?  On the younger end of teen, we'd have a daily check list (morning - hygiene, afternoon - walk or light, evening - talk/check in).  On the older end, we'd make a list together and talk about goal setting.  I really think if you put 3-4 weeks in of really directing the process, some more healthy habits will start to fall into place. 

I had PPD and it was very helpful for me to think in terms of NEEDING to do certain things every day in like 15 minute blocks of time.  I don't think it's helpful just to let a minor fall into unhealthy habits long term.