Laurie4b Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 That's a really good suggestion. I'll have to check with hubby to see if he knows what she likes/d? I don't recall music ever being on in their house - radio or otherwise - and I know she didn't go to dances or such things (father was a preacher), but maybe there's something... Right now she sings along with some of the TV commercials when they're on. :ack2: Well, we had a really fun thread about old commercials that people remembered. Maybe that would help! ;) If her father was a preacher and she continued in that faith tradition, she might like hymns. You could also google around for songs for kids in the 1930s or whatever her era was. I have some high school music books from my dad's high school. Whether religious or not, unless she went to private school, it's likely that there would be some songs from her teens that would have stuck in her mind in a positive way. Stuff like the "Yellow Rose of Texas," patriotic songs from WW2 times, folk songs, etc. Google could probably help you there, too. How old is your mil? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 YEs!!! One of the things we would do at the memory care unit is I would sing some of the old hymns: Amazing Grace, And he walks walks with me and he talks with me.. ( gosh the name escapes me) It was funny, but all of the residents would sing along word for word and LOVED it . Sorry adding funny because they couldn't remember much else. Music is one of the last things to go... I read that somewhere."In the Garden" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 9, 2016 Author Share Posted July 9, 2016 How old is your mil? 85 turning 86 in Dec. She was born in 1930, so songs of the 30s and 40s could easily be appropriate. Her father was a preacher, but he was also a chaplain in the military during WWII. As long as the songs don't remind her of her parents. The last three times we visited (all this year) she's been really down about the fact that her parents are dead and she won't get to see them again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 By far, the best aides I hired were via hospice and one private pay person (who came personally recommended and had lots of experience). The hospice aides were *fantastic*, so when/if your MIL enters hospice care, I highly advise taking advantage of their bathing aides. Finding a great private duty aide is *really* hard. I went through three agencies in under 2 years, and although a few of the aides I had were good, none were great, and some were really awful. (None were abusive or mean, but some were just dead weight.) The worst part was how *none* of them lasted more than a couple months. It's a terribly low paid industry, so even though I was paying $20/hr, those aides were pretty much making within a dollar or two of minimum wage. That's why the private duty person I found was great. I paid $14/hr (plus paid time off and 3 months promised & delivered severance when my mom passed away) and that was 50% more than she (10+ years experience with same agency . . .) made working for her regular agency job. It was cheaper (a little) for me, and much better for her. So, anyway, if you are willing to offer enough hours (say 15-20/wk at least) to make it "worth their while" you might be able to advertise for and find a great private duty person. You just have to go through the hoops to make it legal (pay taxes, etc.) and pay well enough to make it more lucrative than their day job. (I'd suggest 14-16/hr in most areas to easily surpass going pay rates at agencies.) Anyway, if you have any experience hiring people (I did/do), then that's a great way to go. Other than that, you just have to shop around through all the local agencies . . . There will be plenty . . . most talk a great game. Delivery is not so good. I think having a family member present (and/or security cameras as well) makes it pretty assured you won't have someone being abusive or neglectful, but whether they will be fun/sweet/loving/effective is another ball of wax. You can ask her doctor for recommendations of agencies and/or private duty people . . . So far as a dentist, my family has a long standing relationship with a small dental office and they were great with my mom. Mom wasn't uncooperative, though, just impaired. Another family I know used the local dental school (at our local university) for their parent's care, as they had the resources to deal with the complex issues. Dental pain can be severe, and oral hygiene is a huge issue with dementia. I ramped up Mom's routine exams to every 4 months as her dementia was impairing her oral hygiene, just to keep ahead of issues. I'd ask whoever your FIL now sees who they recommend, as they likely know what resources are available in the area. Noncooperative patients certainly are not rare, with mentally disabled people, etc. Everyone needs dental care . . . The patient can be medicated/sedated, etc. if needed. I'm a home health aide through an agency and get paid a measly $9.00 an hour (Michigan minimum wage is 8.45 I think). I love my clients (I have 2, one that I work with nearly everyday and one that I only do every other weekend) and do my best with them. I am also a nursing student going for my ADN RN and will continue to work as I can through school. Before I had my clients, I was bounced house to house and I didn't like it and neither did the clients. Please check the agency's employment rate (how many aides they go through). 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 85 turning 86 in Dec. She was born in 1930, so songs of the 30s and 40s could easily be appropriate. Her father was a preacher, but he was also a chaplain in the military during WWII. As long as the songs don't remind her of her parents. The last three times we visited (all this year) she's been really down about the fact that her parents are dead and she won't get to see them again. close to my parents age then, i will try to remember to post some songs from the school popular music books, Ask dh if he recalls any songs she sang to or with him as a child. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel-in-CA Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 My 19yo dd works for an agency that provides in home aide and care for disabled and elderly adult....grocery to housekeeping to errands to hoisting folks into or out of bed or wheelchair. Her agency is a Christian business...they pray for their clients and also arrange outings for them, etc. I hope your family could find something like that for you m I l. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted July 10, 2016 Share Posted July 10, 2016 I know it is your FIL's choice, not yours, but I'll put in another plug for a home health aide. I didn't have anyone come into my home to help with mom (reasons for that I won't go into), but there were a few times over the year that she spent with us that she returned to her home for a few days. When she was in her own home, my dad hired an agency to send someone for an hour in the morning and an hour at night to get her dressed, etc. I always had a very hard time getting Mom to bathe and had to resort to deception to get her to disrobe and get into the shower. It was stressful for both of us. But when the aide would announce that it was time for a shower, Mom would march into the bathroom easy as you please and cooperate fully with a good attitude. It was amazing. Something about being told what to do by an official person wearing scrubs resonated with her and triggered cooperation. My dad would also leave Mom alone in the house, by the way, while he went off to work for the day. It really bothered me, which is why I brought her to stay with me. Mom also went through periods where she talked a lot about her parents, but she didn't know they were dead. She wanted to go "home" to see them and thought her mother was worried about where she was and would insist that she had to go see her. That was hard. She stayed in that phase for a long time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 11, 2016 Author Share Posted July 11, 2016 Mom also went through periods where she talked a lot about her parents, but she didn't know they were dead. She wanted to go "home" to see them and thought her mother was worried about where she was and would insist that she had to go see her. That was hard. She stayed in that phase for a long time. I wonder if we're going to reach that stage. This past visit she was talking about her siblings - sometimes alive, sometimes not (both are alive). She also can't remember if neighbors (friends) are alive or dead now. I'm guessing with her latest fixation on her parents, they'll be next in the "can't remember" stage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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