pqr Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Um...but wouldn't forcibly shaving someone's head give the person (any person) a lifelong grudge against you? I mean, if it started as just a haircut and ended with being held down and having one's head shaved against one's will, it could easily turn to a very serious rebellion that wasn't there with the initial haircut. There would be no holding down or anything of that ilk. I was an obedient son and mine is too. Were my son to get a weird hairstyle (while I was not there) I would simply tell him to shave it off. That is all it would take. Some of us still live in a world where our children are obedient. Sincerely pqr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 I'm sorry. I do not mean to twist your words. I also know how much pain, fear and frustration the situation with your brother must cause you and your family. In addition to being a recovering person myself, I have close family members who are not recovered. I completely agree with the bolded paragraph. In fact, when my boys attended a nearby indoor skatepark, I was on hyper alert for those reasons. I do think association with certain peer groups can and does lead to *dangerous* behavior. I happen to think that happens across the board in terms of style, dress and "look". It's just more visible and expected from alternative dress; I don't believe it's more prevalent. In terms of addiction, dress doesn't cause it. Peer association and pressure can accelerate experimentation, but addiction is separate. Alcoholics will be alcoholics no matter what circumstances under which they start drinking. Non alcoholics may become heavy drinkers; many have a period of time of alcohol abuse (think college) but they will not turn alcoholic. (Some street drugs are different in that they create addiction in and of themselves). I'm sorry if my tone or words have hurt you. I am glad you mentioned this as it is tough for me to discern how my brother's alcoholism came about. Neither of my parents are alcoholics and neither am I or my other brother. My grandfather was, so if it is a genetic thing then I guess that is where it came from? All I know is that he started drinking with that crowd at a young age and when most people have leveled off and grown up (think post-college), he did not. I do not blame that crowd (or they way they dressed) but I wonder if he had never ventured there would he have turned out the same, ya know? I understand he may have been predisposed in some biological way, but could it have been prevented with the "right" kind of peer pressure (hanging out with kids who don't drink, get good grades, etc.)? I guess we'll never know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 I am glad you mentioned this as it is tough for me to discern how my brother's alcoholism came about. Neither of my parents are alcoholics and neither am I or my other brother. My grandfather was, so if it is a genetic thing then I guess that is where it came from? All I know is that he started drinking with that crowd at a young age and when most people have leveled off and grown up (think post-college), he did not. I do not blame that crowd (or they way they dressed) but I wonder if he had never ventured there would he have turned out the same, ya know? I understand he may have been predisposed in some biological way, but could it have been prevented with the "right" kind of peer pressure (hanging out with kids who don't drink, get good grades, etc.)? I guess we'll never know. I'm glad we are able to talk about this now. {{hugs}} Thank you for your gracious response. I bolded a telling part. My "crowd" in high school and college was preppy but "partied" hard. Nearly every one of them moved on from that; I did not. It exemplified what I tried to explain in my other post - the biological inevitability as soon as I added alcohol into my body was that my body needed *more* - as does your brothers. The reality of alcoholics is that once they put alcohol in their body, the biological reality takes over. Peer groups may delay drinking but won't cause or prevent alcoholism. If you'd like to talk more about alcoholism (and some forms of addiction) and/or recovery, let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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