Have you ever prayed for someone you love to pass?

[Jenn121]

If you have watched a loved one suffer, and knew they were going to die, have you prayed for them to pass?

 

It is almost unbearable for me to sit with my mom. My heart is so broken for her. I know she would be mortified if she knew she had people changing her "diapers" (I hate that they call it that - so demeaning) and cleaning her private areas. She was the most modest person I've ever known.

 

In addition, she is like a skeleton, won't eat, will barely drink, doesn't know who any of us are (barely even recognizes that we are there), and can't complete a coherent sentence.

 

She always said she never wanted to know if she was dying, so I know the alzheimer's is somewhat of a blessing for her in that regard, but it is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Watching my dad die was difficult, but he died with dignity. This is just unreal.

 

I pray for her to go (because we have already lost her anyway), but it makes me feel so guilty. How do you walk gracefully through something like this?

 

We lost my MIL this way a little over a year ago and yes, we prayed that a lot. Mercifully, she did not suffer the indignity of Alzheimers/Dementia very long.

 

My prayers for peace and calmness are yours.

 

Jenn 

[trulycrabby]

Yes, when a loved one was near death and suffering, I prayed for our Creator's mercy. :grouphug:

[ocelotmom]

I have not myself, but, working in a nursing home, it is something I've watched over and over. It is very common for families to feel this way. And invariably, they feel like they must be the most horrible person on earth to feel that way about someone they love. 

 

It's ok to recognize that quality of life matters. It's ok to not want your loved one to have to continue suffering, especially knowing that it's circumstances they wouldn't have wanted. It's ok to accept death as a part of life. It doesn't make you a bad person, or mean you love them any less, and it's definitely not abnormal to feel this way.

 

They ALWAYS start with "You must think I'm an awful person for feeling this way....". It's unfortunate that aging, decline, and death are such uncomfortable, taboo topics that so many people feel so universally alone and guilty in dealing with this.

[lulalu]

Yes. My mother sounds like the same as yours. It is so difficult to pray.

 

Sending prayers for your family. Let your dear mother know she may go. That can help at times.

[Farrar]

:grouphug:

 

Yes. My mother worked with issues around death and dying as her job for many years and taught me to believe that we should all work to plan for our deaths and that thinking realistically and frankly about the peace of passing is a good thing. I did, however, get a lot of flack for thinking this way about my father's impending death from his wife, who felt just to admit the possibility that he might not make it was callously giving up on him. I wish we all could be more honest and open about death with less judgement. Good luck in getting the best death possible for her, Stacey.

[basketcase]

Yes, absolutely. And I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sometimes made me feel more comfortable to have more of a conversation with the Lord about my grief, rather than asking directly for our loved one to pass on. It depended on the day. By the time it got to the end, I felt no guilt about asking for her to be released.

 

One blessing was that for the surviving children and grandchildren, her death was a relief. Her funeral was a happy one, and heads were clear during the process of dismantling the estate in a way that they may not have been after an unexpected death.