Have you ever prayed for someone you love to pass?

[StaceyinLA]

If you have watched a loved one suffer, and knew they were going to die, have you prayed for them to pass?

 

It is almost unbearable for me to sit with my mom. My heart is so broken for her. I know she would be mortified if she knew she had people changing her "diapers" (I hate that they call it that - so demeaning) and cleaning her private areas. She was the most modest person I've ever known.

 

In addition, she is like a skeleton, won't eat, will barely drink, doesn't know who any of us are (barely even recognizes that we are there), and can't complete a coherent sentence.

 

She always said she never wanted to know if she was dying, so I know the alzheimer's is somewhat of a blessing for her in that regard, but it is the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Watching my dad die was difficult, but he died with dignity. This is just unreal.

 

I pray for her to go (because we have already lost her anyway), but it makes me feel so guilty. How do you walk gracefully through something like this?

[Jean in Newcastle]

We prayed for my dad to pass and told him that it was ok for him to go home to be with the Lord. 

[Crimson Wife]

{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

Yes, I've been there wrt relatives who were suffering greatly during the final stages of cancer. Hospice care can only do so much to relieve their pain and it just breaks your heart to watch them have to endure it.

[AK_Mom4]

Yes. There is nothing at all wrong with wishing that someone's passing would be peaceful and that they would be freed from pain and discomfort. That's a good wish and shows compassion and kindness,

[OneStepAtATime]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

[JoJosMom]

Yes, exactly as Jean said above. 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

[East Coast Sue]

(((Hugs)))

[teachermom2834]

Yes.  My mother had a brain tumor and we prayed for her to pass.  She was in pain and unable to enjoy visits, etc. 

 

Perhaps an inappropriate and selfish reason for relief when she passed was that the stress was tearing at the family. My dad was starting to lose it and say/do things that didn't make sense including financially.  My out of town brother was saying rude things to my sister and I that were here in the trenches.  My sister and I were frustrated with some decisions my dad was making. All this when there was absolutely no chance of recovery.  We prayed for her to pass for her own peace, primarily, but also so that our family would not be torn apart watching her die.  We were not walking through it gracefully.

 

So sorry for your pain and loss.  It is so very difficult. 

 

[AimeeM]

Yes. Just very recently we lost my beloved grandfather (only a bit over a week ago). He had been very ill off and on for a long time. He was very vocal, even once hospice was moved in 24/7, in that he was only waiting until he felt my grandmother could handle his passing (emotionally). 

 

I would never admit this to anyone else, but I prayed he would pass. He was a good, good man and I love him very much. He wasn't in a ton of pain (I don't think, unless my husband just said that to make me feel better, regarding how his last hours went down), but he was ready and he was miserable. Physical pain isn't the only misery, I came to understand. This was a man who worked his entire life - first the military, then every day of his adult life to support his beloved wife and their 7 children... but now he couldn't use the restroom without assistance. This was a man who LOVED eating (and cooking) - but he was unable to swallow food and had dwindled down to nothing, weight-wise. Other people had to light his cigarettes for him (he had quit, some time ago, but when he realized he was dying anyway he decided he was going out enjoying his one vice). If he wanted to move, he needed to be lifted. He had bedsores. He couldn't dance with my Nana anymore. 

 

Yes, I prayed he would pass. I felt an alarming (to me) relief when he passed. I was devastated, but I was relieved, too. The life he was living was the one God needed him to live for those last months of his life, but they were miserable to my Papa. This is the first person close to me that has died, so I'm not handling it beautifully, and I feel very confused regarding my feelings about my Papa passing, but I'm hiding that well enough. What matters is that he isn't in pain and he isn't miserable - and that he fulfilled God's plan for him, so now he can rest.

[fraidycat]

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

Unfortunately, yes. :( At some point the wanting for peace and comfort turns to just wanting a peaceful and comfortable passing for them.

 

I am sorry you are going through this.

Edited March 22, 2016 by fraidycat

[fraidycat]

Yes. Just very recently we lost my beloved grandfather (only a bit over a week ago). He had been very ill off and on for a long time. He was very vocal, even once hospice was moved in 24/7, in that he was only waiting until he felt my grandmother could handle his passing (emotionally).

 

I would never admit this to anyone else, but I prayed he would pass. He was a good, good man and I love him very much. He wasn't in a ton of pain (I don't think, unless my husband just said that to make me feel better, regarding how his last hours went down), but he was ready and he was miserable. Physical pain isn't the only misery, I came to understand. This was a man who worked his entire life - first the military, then every day of his adult life to support his beloved wife and their 7 children... but now he couldn't use the restroom without assistance. This was a man who LOVED eating (and cooking) - but he was unable to swallow food and had dwindled down to nothing, weight-wise. Other people had to light his cigarettes for him (he had quit, some time ago, but when he realized he was dying anyway he decided he was going out enjoying his one vice). If he wanted to move, he needed to be lifted. He had bedsores. He couldn't dance with my Nana anymore.

 

Yes, I prayed he would pass. I felt an alarming (to me) relief when he passed. I was devastated, but I was relieved, too. The life he was living was the one God needed him to live for those last months of his life, but they were miserable to my Papa. This is the first person close to me that has died, so I'm not handling it beautifully, and I feel very confused regarding my feelings about my Papa passing, but I'm hiding that well enough. What matters is that he isn't in pain and he isn't miserable - and that he fulfilled God's plan for him, so now he can rest.

So sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Luckymama]

Yes.

 

I felt tremendous guilt while doing so.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

[8circles]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Yes. I have done that, and I am doing that for a loved one now.

 

I am sorry.

[Okra]

My MIL would prayed everyday for a miracle for her cancer-stricken husband.  

 

The morning she prayed he would die, he died about three hours later.

 

 

[catz]

Yes, absolutely.  My father died last year and spent his last days in ICU on life support.  He would have NEVER would have wanted to spend any time like that I absolutely longed for a speedy and peaceful passing for him.  It was torture seeing him like that.  My grandmother spent 3 weeks in hospice after a stroke starving to death.  It was awful.    They weren't really THERE anymore. 

 

Don't feel guilty.  It's ok.  :grouphug:

[Guest]

I am so sorry, Stacey. I cannot even imagine how awful this is for you. I have not been in that situation so far, but I think it is completely understandable. It is why the concept of "Mercy Killing" is even a debate.

 

I pray for your mother to be released soon and for your peace in the interim.

[Junie]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

 

[The Girls' Mom]

Yes, I have.  My step-dad had terminal lung cancer that had spread to his brain and spine, and was in unbearable amounts of pain.  Our last visit was so sad, you could tell he was ready to stop fighting and SO tired of the pain.  My mom had passed away several years prior, and I think he was just ready to join her.  So, yes, I prayed that God would take him quickly and painlessly.  He passed a week later in his sleep.  It was a prayer answered.  

 

[Mom22ns]

Yes, when my mother's cancer metastasized into her brain and she lost who she was, I prayed that she wouldn't live that way for long. When my dad had a stroke and was basically starving to death, couldn't eat or drink and had clearly stated no interventions, I prayed for him to go quickly. 

 

It is very painful to watch those you love die. It is even harder when the person you know is really no longer there, only a shell of their body. There is nothing wrong with praying for their relief.

[gardenmom5]

don't feel guilty.  You are doing what you can for her, and to express your love and respect for her, in the meantime.

 

I do know people who have prayed for their loved one to pass.  

[StaceyinLA]

Yes. Just very recently we lost my beloved grandfather (only a bit over a week ago). He had been very ill off and on for a long time. He was very vocal, even once hospice was moved in 24/7, in that he was only waiting until he felt my grandmother could handle his passing (emotionally). 

 

I would never admit this to anyone else, but I prayed he would pass. He was a good, good man and I love him very much. He wasn't in a ton of pain (I don't think, unless my husband just said that to make me feel better, regarding how his last hours went down), but he was ready and he was miserable. Physical pain isn't the only misery, I came to understand. This was a man who worked his entire life - first the military, then every day of his adult life to support his beloved wife and their 7 children... but now he couldn't use the restroom without assistance. This was a man who LOVED eating (and cooking) - but he was unable to swallow food and had dwindled down to nothing, weight-wise. Other people had to light his cigarettes for him (he had quit, some time ago, but when he realized he was dying anyway he decided he was going out enjoying his one vice). If he wanted to move, he needed to be lifted. He had bedsores. He couldn't dance with my Nana anymore. 

 

Yes, I prayed he would pass. I felt an alarming (to me) relief when he passed. I was devastated, but I was relieved, too. The life he was living was the one God needed him to live for those last months of his life, but they were miserable to my Papa. This is the first person close to me that has died, so I'm not handling it beautifully, and I feel very confused regarding my feelings about my Papa passing, but I'm hiding that well enough. What matters is that he isn't in pain and he isn't miserable - and that he fulfilled God's plan for him, so now he can rest.

 

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[StaceyinLA]

Thank you all. I just spoke with a couple of my sisters and I think we are all feeling ready for her to be able to let go. It will be so difficult, but not as hard as watching her like this.

[NorthwestMom]

Yes I have, and you are doing all the right things. It's ok.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[6packofun]

Yes.  Dh and I both would tell his mamaw that it was ok for her to go, to rest, and that Bill and Mike (her husband and son, dh's dad) were waiting for her.  This was during her last 10 days of life as hospice helped us help her toward the end.  I think parents, especially, need to be told that their children are OK now and that their work is done, that they don't have to worry about us anymore.  (Whether or not we are sure they comprehend, IMO!) 

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Crimson Wife]

As a Christian, I don't feel guilt about praying that God will welcome the sick & suffering person home to Heaven when medicine can do nothing further for him/her. It is sad that the loved one will no longer be here with us in this life but there is a better life waiting for him/her with God, the saints, and the angels. Suffering may be an inevitable part of this earthly existence but think of it as the "birthing pains" to a new life in Heaven :Angel_anim:

[MercyA]

Yes, I have, Stacey. I'm so sorry you and your mom have to walk this road. "We are confident...and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." 2 Corinthians 5:8

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug: 

[DesertBlossom]

We prayed for my dad to pass and told him that it was ok for him to go home to be with the Lord. 

 

This was my family's experience as well. She passed away within the hour. I think she needed to hear us say that it was okay for her move on. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Ohh I'm so sorry.  :grouphug:

 

No not prayed exactly, but yes there was this time where I knew it was inevitable and as it went along it just felt more and more like torture to see a loved one suffer. 

[sparrow]

Yes. Forgive me, but yes. I know exactly how you feel. My very modest mother passed from Lewy Body Dementia 3 years ago in May.  She would have been horrified at the level of care she required, at the things she said, at any number of things. It was not a life she would have wanted. 
 

Many hugs  :grouphug: . 

[Slache]

Don't feel guilty. You're praying for her peace. It's what she wants too.

[Mama Geek]

Stacy it is ok and I am so sorry, I have been with 2 of my grandparents when they passed when I was in college.  It was a very difficult time.  We had to tell one of them that it was ok to go.  Prayers for you and your family.

[Ausmumof3]

Hugs. I have felt this 😔

Edited March 22, 2016 by Ausmumof3

[Pawz4me]

Yes, I have.  Back when I still believed in prayer.  

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Hyacinth]

It's perfectly reasonable to pray that the suffering will end. I was there just a few months ago with my dad. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the modesty/dignity thing. That was among the hardest parts for me, too. (Btw, we called them Depends or disposable briefs.)

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Edited March 22, 2016 by Hyacinth

[Joyofsixreboot]

:grouphug: Yes, I prayed for the pain to be over. Do not feel guilty! You are praying out of love. God knows your intentions and knows why you feel like you do. You are a good daughter showing love. I wish I could reach through and hold your hand. I'll pray for you all. It is very, very hard.

[Openhearted]

Many :grouphug:

 

Yes, I have as well. My grandmother, cancer. She had always been the strongest person I knew. Never complained. At the end, she was in so much misery, I prayed for the Lord to end her suffering. He did. She died at home surrounded by those she cared for, and people that loved her. It is hard. I'm sorry anyone has to go through it.

[JonesinIndiana]

Hugs to you.

 

Yes, I have. My mother passed this past July and my father's Alz really declined quickly after that. He was just lost without her, they were married for 65 years. In mid November he became bed ridden, unable to eat or drink, or communicate. He needed to be with his bride and Jesus. It was a blessing for him and and it brought my siblings closer as we ministered to him in the last few months.

[FaithManor]

Yes Stacey. :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  

 

My dad has stage four lung cancer and while no where near as physically bad as your mom at this point, he is extremely verbally abusive to the rest of us. It is taking years off my mom's life, and alienating everyone he knows. I am so exhausted dealing with him that I am practically beside myself, and we have a long ways to go yet. I pray every day for him to pass because his living is not doing anyone a bit of good, but is ruining my mom's health, my brother's health, and mine as well.

 

It is okay. You aren't being selfish to want this to be over. I know that as I go through this I fervently pray that when the time comes for me, I go very quickly so my family doesn't suffer.

 

Praying for peace for her and for your family is good thing. I'll be praying for you.

[kewb]

Yes.

You should not feel guilty about wanting your mom's suffering and your own to end. I handled it gracefully by doing all I could for my loved one and not beating myself up for being human.

I am sorry for what you are going through and I wish you peace.

[HomeAgain]

I...I have always had issues with prayer.  We're taught God isn't Santa Claus, does what's best, and we can gain clarity by having a conversation with Him.  To use prayer to ask for something, I've never been able to reconcile the thought.

[Tree Frog]

We're traveling this road, too. MIL has stage 4 lymphoma which has metastasized. We all pray she will pass quickly, as does she. She is so anxious to just fall asleep and go Home, but that hasn't happened so far. She moved here from Colorado nearly a year ago and we received the diagnosis about 6 months ago. I believe if she would have stayed in CO if she would have died sooner, likely due to not having any family or able bodied friends nearby. She knows what's happening and is becoming more anxious/despondant about it each day.

 

We call the "diapers" (which really aren't, but hospice refers to them that way, too) as disposable underwear or Depends. 

[BigMamaBird]

:grouphug:

 

When I was 16 my Grandma came to our house when she was dying.  The night she passed I remember waking up around 4 am and I heard the medical team coming to take her away.  My first thought was "Oh, good."  I felt so guilty about that for years and years.  But then I came to realize that what I was really feeling was relief that she was no longer suffering.  

 

I don't believe that there is anything at all wrong with praying for our loved ones to be released from their suffering, or to be relieved when their trials are over.  

[mom@shiloh]

Every day I ask God to allow my mom to pass from 'grace to glory'.  Grace is great.  Glory is better.  

[Lizzie in Ma]

Yes.

:grouphug: :grouphug:

[StaceyinLA]

It's perfectly reasonable to pray that the suffering will end. I was there just a few months ago with my dad. And I know EXACTLY what you mean about the modesty/dignity thing. That was among the hardest parts for me, too. (Btw, we called them Depends or disposable briefs.)

 

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

We call them briefs as well, but the nursing home aides, nurses, and even hospice nurse call them diapers. I hate that!! Edited March 22, 2016 by StaceyinLA

[Harriet Vane]

Stacey, I'm so sorry for your mom's suffering, and I am sorry for the painful road you are walking with her.  :grouphug:

 

Yes, I did pray for two people to pass. One was my aunt, who suffered for many years with a brain tumor. She had dementia and was so unhappy living in a nursing home away from her children. Every day was a fog of hallucinations, paranoia, and confusion, and she was wracked with anxiety for her children. I hated to see her live like that, and I am glad she no longer suffers.

 

Similarly, I prayed for years for my grandmother to pass on. She had Alzheimer's, and her suffering was terrible to behold. It was God's mercy when she was finally at rest.

 

:grouphug:

[dirty ethel rackham]

Yes. There is nothing at all wrong with wishing that someone's passing would be peaceful and that they would be freed from pain and discomfort. That's a good wish and shows compassion and kindness,

:iagree: For my parents, I prayed for mercy.  Death was mercy for both of them in their last days.  When my friend M was dying of breast cancer, she wanted death, but it came slowly for her.  In the beginning, the mercy was that she stuck around long enough for her to experience the love of her many friends in the form of round-the-clock care (which was also mercy for those of us who loved her and mourned her passing.)  As she hung on longer, we prayed for mercy to end her suffering.  She died on Easter morning last year.