Help please! IEW SWI B essay samples

[JadeOrchidSong]

Ds11 is taking SWI Continuation Course B with a group of students this year. He is very stressed about writing a 5 paragraph essay about a classmate.

I couldn't find his older brother's essay from two years ago. I think showing him a sample would help him to get started. Would you mind sharing your dc's writing with ds11? Please PM me!

Thank you very much!

[StillStanding]

My son wrote this last year for his co-op class, IEW Middle Ages (same level as IEW B I think), he was 11 1/2 when he wrote it. This copy is the one I have in my computer, it doesn't have the corrections/suggestion made by his co-op teacher but it should give you an idea of what a 5 paragraph essay looks like.   It should be double spaced and MLA formatted but this is what happened when I cut and pasted :)

 

 

                                                               Knighthood

             When you think of the Middle Ages what comes to mind? Knights in shining armor of course. Knights, who were the soldiers of the Middle Ages, fought gallantly with valiance and virtue for their lords and ladies. Incredibly the training to become a knight was very difficult. They became proficient fighters. Knights wore heavy armor and rode on horses. Many people believe that knighthood was a holy calling, but unfortunately it was not always so. Knights were an important part of medieval times.

            Training to become a knight was extremely rigorous. It began at age 7. At this age knights in training were called pages. Diligently they learned to ride, become proficient with small weapons, and hunt. They also played chess, which is a game they used to learn battle strategies.  At age 12 a knight became a capable squire. They were apprenticed to a knight, and took care of his horse, and equipment. And finally at age 16 they became knights; they could either become a knight in battle or be knighted in a big elaborate ceremony.  Becoming a knight was very difficult.

            Knights are known for the armor that they were clad in. The earliest type of armor, which was called chainmail, was made out of thousands of tiny metal rings woven together. This armor was extremely popular until the invention of the crossbow, which could the rings. Eventually blacksmiths invented metal plates to wear over the chainmail. These suits of armor were so heavy it took two men to put it on. In battle if a knight fell off his horse it was be very difficult for him to stand up again, let alone fight. A knight’s main weapon was his faithful sword. It could be twice as long as his arm, and as heavy as a bicycle.  In time blacksmiths began making the armor stronger and fancier. Armor became very expensive. One set of armor cost the same as a modern tank. The standard knight’s armor was expensive, hot, and heavy.

            Many people believe that knighthood was a holy calling, but it was not always so. Knights needed to follow a code of conduct, which was named chivalry. It stated that a gallant knight must love and protect the church, honor their lord, faithfully serve their lord, maintain order, defend the weak, not to boast, and be gracious and gentle towards a lady. The code also forbade knights to be indolent. Unfortunately these rules were not always followed. Some knights became robbers, and others plundered villages. Knighthood was not always holy.

            Chivalrous knights were the renowned tanks of the middle ages. Surprisingly, the road to become a knight began from age 7 and their training was extremely difficult.  They learned how to handle weapons, play chess, ride a horse, put on a suit of armor, and follow the code of chivalry. Knights are remembered most often for their armor, which could cost as much as a tank, and weigh as much as sixty pounds! Many people believe that knighthood is a holy calling, but it was not always so. Some knights robbed, and plundered. Knights were the soldiers of the middle ages.

          

Edited February 14, 2016 by paintmisha

[JadeOrchidSong]

Thank you! Such a well organized and enjoyable essay.

My son is still struggling. his mind is totally shut down and the things he managed to write is less than tolerable. I don't know what to do.

[StillStanding]

My middle child has problems writing as well.

 

IEW worked great for my oldest and my youngest. Middle child was brought to tears with each assignment, and the information didn't sink in for her. IEW is a great program but in my opinion it covers too much too fast for a reluctant writer.

We are using EIW instead with her. EIW is an O.K program, quite gentle. It is helping her get over her phobia/hate of writing

 

We are focusing on structure--organizing thoughts--, by creating an organized outline before starting to write. We are not focusing on all the IEW rules (sentence openers, etc) to make the writing "better." I am thinking about using "The Power in Your hands" next year (she will be in 10th grade). She needs more practice just organizing her thoughts.

 

I am sorry I don't have any advise for your middle school child. Maybe someone will add something to the discussion.

 

I know how frustrating it is both for you and your child.

Edited February 14, 2016 by paintmisha

[mschickie]

Is this for the interview portion of continuation course B?  If so I can upload one tomorrow, we are working on editing one today   :scared:  (editing is always the worst part for us..sigh)

[JadeOrchidSong]

Is this for the interview portion of continuation course B? If so I can upload one tomorrow, we are working on editing one today :scared: (editing is always the worst part for us..sigh)

Yes. Thanks!

[mschickie]

Yes. Thanks!

 

 

Sorry it has taken so long to get back on here.  I have been sick for the past few weeks.  Here is dd's first interview assignment:

 

 

Opportunity Adventurer

By Abby

                                                                                                                                                           

 

            [4]Adventuring in Attica and beyond, Scott Canterbury had a fascinating and dangerous life.  [5]As a child he had many pets in his family. [5]Although one might consider pets as cute and adorable, they can also be dangerous as Scott discovered.  [2]Besides Scott there was also another son in the family. [4]Being the younger brother, he kept Scott entertained.  [5]When Scott, who wanted to earn money, was in high school, he began to work and discovered that not all jobs are safe. [6]Some jobs can be extremely hazardous. [3]Ultimately, Scott had a very adventurous life. [1]These adventures began with Scott’s pets.     

 

            [4]Living with Scott Canterbury’s family pets was sometimes challenging.  [5]When Scott was about four, Patch, who was the family dog, blocked the top the stairs Scott was climbing.  [3]Aggressively, Patch bit Scott’s nose and threw him down the steep stairs.  [2]After this accident Scott received stitches while at the emergency room.  [5]Later when a stray dog Scott’s family called Little Dog gifted them some puppies, the offered them out for free.  [6]One of them was returned.  [1]The puppy was apparently too noisy!  [1]Scott’s family also had 130 ducks.  [5]When the ducks kept trying to chase him, he got a whiffle bat and hit the ducks.  [1]Even his younger brother, Dave, attempted to join in by toddling around the yard with the bat calling out, “Here ducky, ducky, ducky!†[1]Pets were not Scott’s only challenge, Dave provided other adventures.

 

            [1]Scott and Dave had many exciting moments together.  [6]What did they do together? [2]Besides typical brotherly mayhem like screaming and poking, they also went camping at Allegany State Park.  [4]Camping with the Tiede and Steven families, who they were so close to they were almost family, produced tons of entertainment.  [5]While camping they would catch crayfish and even carefully struggle up the massive Thunder Rocks. [3]Occasionally Dave drove Scott crazy. [2]At one point while they were in a car, Scott yelled to his mom to make Dave stop breathing because he was too loud!  [1]To this day Scott and Dave are close friends.

 

            [1]Dangerous and educational are words that describe most of Scott Canterbury’s jobs.  [2]In high school he participated in haying, which the gathering or hay from the fields. [1]He learned the importance of hay being dry because if hay is baled while it is wet it will eventually burst into flame. [5]While working at Super Duper, Scott found adventure. [4]Grabbing a container of paper towels from the back so he could restock the shelves Scott was attacked.  [6]What was it?  [6]A case of peas had fallen. [6]Blood dripped onto the floor. [2]After receiving a cut from what he assumed was his glasses lens, he was quickly rushed to the emergency room.   [4]Following college, he began to work at Beaton Industrial where he often painted the cranes yellow. [3]Fortunately he did not fall. [5]Since he had learned about computers from students while at college, he later worked at a computer repair company.  [3]Finally he began to work at Xerox, where he has held several positions. [1]He examines problems with copiers and printers and often looks at network traces currently.  [2]Over time, Scott has learned many important things through his jobs.

 

            [2]Throughout Scott’s life, he had many great and wondrous adventures. [5]While some of these adventures took place with his pets, many took place with his brother or jobs.  [3]Clearly the most significant part of his life brilliantly stands out like a glittering statue in a town.  [1]It is the jobs he had, which expanded his knowledge.  [4]Exploring new chances and opportunities, Scott Canterbury continually adventures through his life.