I don't want to swim in my friend's pool...help me out here. (Trigger warning)

[Spryte]

Since you know she's trying to reestablish the backyard and the pool as a place of joy, I think I'd just be honest. I'd just say, I've been putting you off because I still feel so sad when I think about what happened. I understand you want the backyard to become a place of family memories and happiness again, and I'm worried if we come over, I'll cry and be anxious the whole time which is not what I want for me or for you. Please keep inviting me because I hope I'll feel differently next year.

 

I don't think most people could ever be upset that you're still feeling grief for their loved one who passed away. If your kids are really little still, I'm guessing that as they grow up past that age it will be easier. Also, remember that she lives with the pool and a bigger burden of grief that is more pressing in a way - so she's been pushed to move past it in different ways. She may even be inviting you because she knows you feel this way and she wants you to also have the opportunity to make a new memory there. I wouldn't be surprised if she tells you that she also cries when she's there sometimes and that it's okay if you come and cry too.

Beautifully said.