Advice for dealing with another homeschool parent

[diokos]

My sister-in-law and I are teaching piano lessons...we teach eachother's children, and then have a few extra students as well.  My SIL has just taken on a new student that is a homeschooler, and is having difficulty with her mother.  She wants to sit in on the lesson (directly behind the teacher so she can keep tabs on everything she's doing), jump in and correct her daughter when she makes a mistake, also trys to carry on side conversations with my SIL while she's trying to teach.  She's talked to the mother about it and gotten the reply that since she's a homeschool mom she isn't used to being hands-off when it comes to teaching her children.  Suggesting that my SIL cannot possibly understand that because her children are public schooled.  Further complicating the situation is that both of these women have been pastor's wives in the same town for the past 6 yrs, having nothing to do with eachother previously (this other couple has been very cold up until now.)  They are just in the process of building a tenuous relationship and my SIL doesn't want to destroy that possibility with a sister in Christ.

 

Any suggestions from other homeschool moms? 

[Tidbits of Learning]

Be blunt.  Explain that tutoring this student in piano will require the parent to take a hands-off approach.  If the parent is voiced in piano and won't take a hands-off approach, then maybe they should just teach their own kid piano.  This is really a no brainer.  Tell the parent that there is a parent waiting area at xyz and don't take no for an answer.  It is a paid gig.  They either follow the rules or get another tutor.  

[Aiden]

I wouldn't necessarily kick the parent out altogether--at least not until after your SIL has made her position clear and the woman has ignored her again--but I agree with the gist of what Tidbits of Learning says above. Your SIL can state it as diplomatically as she wishes, but the fact of the matter is that too many cooks in the kitchen ruins the soup, and this woman hired your SIL for her expertise. If she is not going to butt out and trust that expertise, the best thing for your sister to do is decline to continue teaching her daughter. I know you said your SIL doesn't want to poison the budding relationship with this woman, but the continual frustration of this, and the bad feelings that *will* result on both sides, will poison the relationship just fine on their own. Politely, diplomatically, but firmly ... that's how this situation needs to be handled. The woman has two options: (1) your SIL continues to teach her daughter without interference (and the woman can be in the room or not, as she and your SIL agree) or (2) the woman continues to interfere, but your SIL no longer attempts to teach her daughter.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Be blunt.  Explain that tutoring this student in piano will require the parent to take a hands-off approach.  If the parent is voiced in piano and won't take a hands-off approach, then maybe they should just teach their own kid piano.  This is really a no brainer.  Tell the parent that there is a parent waiting area at xyz and don't take no for an answer.  It is a paid gig.  They either follow the rules or get another tutor.  

 

:iagree:

 

Never be afraid of offending people by doing something normal and polite. If they are offended by normal business conversations you can't help it.

 

If the options are

 

A. Politely but firmly telling the woman that the no-parents-at-the-piano policy is non-negotiable and she'll need to wait in the other room like everybody else (which is reasonable and not at all rude), or

 

B. Allowing something unreasonable with your own business in your own home, interfering with the child's lesson and wasting your time, just because this gal might be offended if all the people whom she hires don't bow to the ground and obey her every whim? Because you want to please her so you can form a relationship with her?

 

Just do the normal thing that is right and reasonable. (Option A.) Tutoring shouldn't be about courting a friendship; it's a business transaction. No real friendship is built on subservient bowing, anyway.

[Miss Tick]

I guess this is an aside, but why in the world does she want to be there? I love the break I get during piano lessons. They love having an area where I defer to them or the teacher. Maybe she is lonely?

 

Your SIL I'd in a tight spot. Accept that it may not turn out week no matter what she does. She should day something like, "having a parent in the room for lessons was a new idea, but am finding it to distracting for me. I would enjoy continuing to teach Jane, but I would need you to remain in another room. I understand this may not suit you and you may feel like you need to find a different teacher."

[HS Mom in NC]

Suggest Suzuki piano lessons.  There's a lot more hands on with the parent during practices and lessons.

 

Your SIL will just have to explain that she's doing traditional Western piano and the only parental involvement required is driving the child to lessons and reminding the child to practice on her own.  If the mother just doesn't want to do that your SIL can simply be honest and direct and say in a pleasant tone, " I think a different teacher and approach will be a better fit for you.  Here's the number to the Suzuki Association.  Let me know if you find someone that works for you so I can refer other parents who prefer that approach. " Then refund any money for lessons that haven't been given yet.

 

[Julie of KY]

Decide and then state your rules. Suggest alternatives (another teacher, Suzuki, etc) if the mom doesn't not like your rules.

[Harriet Vane]

I am a writing coach. I meet with my writing students weekly.

 

For two years, I met with students through a homeschool co-op. Parents were required to sit in on the meetings to meet the co-ops requirements for having more than one adult present. (In other words, the co-op's policy is for teachers to not be alone with students.)

 

Most of the parents sit in silence during my meetings with the students. I sit facing the student, and the parent sits at the end of the table, out of our direct range of vision. I have never objected to the parent asking a question here or there, or telling me of a struggle the student had that week. However, generally the student and I maintain eye contact and speak as just the two of us.

 

I am not offering my writing class through a co-op this year, but rather, online. I did so last year as well. It's even better. I speak to the student alone via Skype. Often the parent is also in the room, but the student and I ignore them. It's much, much better this way as I get a better rapport with the student.

 

I have had to tell more than one parent to stop correcting their student's papers. Students always turn in a rough draft to me before the final is due. If the parent corrects the draft, then I don't actually see a rough. I end up seeing something much closer to final. More importantly, when the parent corrects, I cannot see how the student is thinking, and therefore I cannot effectively teach. There is no point in having a parent pay me if the parent is going to do corrections. And frankly, as someone who has worked for many years in publishing editing and proofreading, I am usually better at teaching writing than the parent who hired me.

 

(Not always--I have had two parents who are very strong in the area of language arts and could have done really well on their own. I told them so as well, but both really wanted me to teach their kids.)

 

What you are describing is rude behavior, homeschooled or not. Music teachers and athletic coaches would never put up with that behavior. I certainly don't put up with it either.

 

I like another poster's suggestion about Suzuki method. There is no need for the client to be so condescending about being a hands-on homeschooler. Find a way to disengage and make friendly overtures some other way.

 

 

[El...]

I teach piano lessons in my home, and parents usually sit on the couch behind the student.  They may be in my line of sight, but not the student's.  I have one parent who sometimes likes to jump in; they are not homeschoolers, so I doubt that is the actual issue with your situation!

 

Here is the big lesson I've learned: I am not the right teacher for every student, or the right fit for every parent's ideas.  If it isn't working, I need to let the student go before we're all angry.  It is better to be professional, polite, and firm than to suffer along.  This applies if they don't practice, if the kid hates it all, and if their older brother jumps destructively on my furniture.  Life is too short.  There are a lot of teachers, and a lot of students.  Teach well, and your schedule will be packed.