MysteryJen Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 IMO singling a child out for negative comments and making compliments come off in a negative way- "smarty pants" sets that child up for future bullying. The other kids see that it is OK to treat her different because she's smart and shy rather than accepting her as she is. I don't know what you can do about it as it would be hard for the teacher to change his style on the fly and he probably thinks he is bringing her out of her shell. But I'd be prepared to help her navigate the long term negative effects it may have with her class mates. :( This was not at all true in my experience. The comment to me with a wink and a smile let me know that my teacher saw and was impressed. Not one of my classmates treated me negatively from that comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trinchick Posted March 5, 2014 Author Share Posted March 5, 2014 Thanks again for so many thoughtful responses. I really appreciate the differing viewpoints that have let me see this from a number of perspectives. This will definitely help me to coach DD through this process, which I think is rather a combo of toughening up/learning to deal with authority/accepting different styles but also assessing situations, setting boundaries, and advocating for herself. This teasing/fresh approach has gone on all year, and I've perceived DD as being on a bit of a roller coaster about it. Sometimes it works for her and other times I think she's a bit overwhelmed by it. I'm curious to see what will happen next year, as I expect her next teacher will have a completely different teaching style. While I think she'd thrive in a very structured, by-the-book setting, I think there's also been a lot of personal development by having been exposed to this very different type of environment. WRT to the smarty-pants statement, she took that as a compliment, and I think from the way she re-told it, that it was intended as praise - but in the teacher's typical fresh style. Because she's a sensitive, rather bookish child I'm attuned to the fact that there may be some peer-to-peer teasing about being nerdy or geeky down the road, but I haven't seen or heard about anything like that so far. Heaven help me when the time comes to tackle that one! I'll be back for more advice then, for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 This was not at all true in my experience. The comment to me with a wink and a smile let me know that my teacher saw and was impressed. Not one of my classmates treated me negatively from that comment. Sure, I don't doubt that, but the lack of a negative reaction in your case doesn't make it a well-advised thing to say. Why not simply say that it's a great example, or that you aren't surprised that student came up with it because she reads so much? To me, calling a smart child a smarty-pants is like calling a well-behaved child a goody-two-shoes. It is a backhanded compliment with a bit of derision to it. The Merriam-Webster definition of smarty-pants is 'a person who talks and behaves like someone who knows everything.' The Urban Dictionary says it is 'someone who displays intelligence in an annoying way.' I think that an elementary school teacher should know that smarty-pants is not the go-to compliment on the playground, y'know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 5, 2014 Share Posted March 5, 2014 I'm not sure how to handle it, but I want to back-up introverts. The teacher -- who sounds really fun and fun-loving -- ought to read Quiet. It explains introverts and how much they contribute to this world. Your daughter might just be young, but she also might be introverted and this teacher's style may always grate on her. Whether she gets a thicker skin or not. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted March 6, 2014 Share Posted March 6, 2014 The smarty pants statement leaves me with a very negative reaction towards the teacher. I agree that the phrase could set your dd for future teasing. Surely the teacher knows that smarty pants has a negative connotation? The combination of things he has said sounds a bit passive aggressive towards your dd. But I would still try to keep a neutral attitude until I spoke with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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