*pulling my hair out*

[scrapbookbuzz]

Okay, not really, but I am SO frustrated! Didn't know whether I should post this here or in the Special Needs forum.

 

Getting my daughter to have any sort of motivation to complete her biology project, which the teacher already graciously gave her an extension on,

is about to make me scream. She's known about this project for some time now and needs to collect a total of 28 leaves for it. So, far she has 14 and it's due

Tuesday. It was only 'supposed to take' two 90-minute trips to the plant nursery/ies. But we're talking about a girl with Aspergers here. Self-movivation is practically

absent and any more than about 45 minutes at a plant nursery, while enjoyable for her, completely wipes her out for later in the day. Therefore, about 45 minutes at a time

is all she can handle. I'm so tired of pushing her to get this done. She says she wants my help but her attitude says otherwise. I am just SO frustrated right now, I don't know

what to do. I have other things I'd like to get done this weekend besides pushing her to get her project done.

 

I know part of her frustration is with herself. Maybe she feels like she's incapable? I just.don't.know. And am at my whit's end right now. 

 

Anyone with experience in this area have any suggestions?

[AK_Mom4]

General projects without specifics would make Ds18 totally freeze at that age. He would resist and push back and effectively do nothing. It was pretty awful.

 

For DS, the key was for us to sit down and make out a check list of tasks that needed to be done for the project. He would have needed it to be pretty specific with items to check off for each leaf to be collected. Then, I would put on my Cathy Cheerful face and we would just slog through the list whether he was tired or not because It Had To Be Done. It took lots of my time just keeping him moving forward on this sort of thing.

 

Ds18 is still the Great Procrastinator when it comes to things that feel overwhelming for him. He has been filling out job applications online today and I have had to sit here with him encouraging him to Just Get It Done.

[scrapbookbuzz]

thank you for letting me know I'm not alone in this!  It's not general, she does give specifics. I'm just tired of setting the time to go, encouraging her, and when I tell her it's time to go,

getting groaned at. I just want it to be DONE, too!

[Karen in CO]

I think, at this point, you need to actually take her regardless of her feelings and don't bring her back until she's done.

 

My favorite book as a kid was Where the Wild Things are.  It has been amazingly helpful for parenting my kids.   I'm not scared or intimidated when they roar their terrible roars and gnash their terrible teeth and roll their terrible eyes and show their terrible claws or threaten to eat me up.  I just look into all their yellow eyes without blinking once and say, "NO."

 

She probably needs some more concrete structure and a generous application of checklists, but you can't let her see you blink just because she balks at it.  It gives her more power when you do.  Please don't pull your hair out.  

 

[scrapbookbuzz]

I finally let go, is what I did. I told her I was willing to help her if she wanted my help. I reminded her of that once a day. She knows I'm here for her.

But, at the same time, and despite the Aspergers challenges, she needs to understand the consequences of not doing her work. I have told her Biology

teacher that from this point on, my daughter must ask for my help. We'll see how this next semester goes. How badly does she REALLY want a good grade

in this class? We shall see.