Out-of-town Extroverted In-Laws

[cottonmama]

My very extroverted SIL lives on the other end of the country, so although dh and I have been married for 6 1/2 years, as an introvert I don't feel super-close to her.  (I've seen her face-to-face four times in my life.)  But SIL likes to chat and Skype and talk on the phone like we're best friends. ....  I never feel like I know what to say, while she is gushing about how much she misses me.  I just don't feel the same connection she does.   :sad:  :sad:

 

Anyone have a family member like this?  Do you eventually develop a close friendship over the years?  Or is it always... awkward and one-sided for you?   :sad:

[Um_2_4]

For me it is the whole phone/skype thing. I just don't like it.

Meet in person and I will chat for hours.

on the phone/online, not so much. Even with people I see more often (except maybe my BF who knows me so well).

 

I have SILs all over and can sit with them for hours but on the phone/chat I never know what to say.

And I am an introvert from a small family, so suddenly having 5 sisters (and they are very sweet and welcomed me with open arms, so that is not an issue) was a bit overwhelming.

 

 

 

[kroe1]

I would like a SIL like that. I will trade you,

[cottonmama]

I would like a SIL like that. I will trade you,

I bet my sil would like a sil like that also...

[LostSurprise]

Extroverts might define 'close' or 'I miss you' differently than an introvert would. 

 

I wouldn't feel bad. Just look for things you have in common. Ask a lot of questions. Enjoy what you can enjoy about her and let her do the same with you. Maybe you are the listening ear that she needs? Maybe you're less crazy than other relatives? Let her miss you for her own reasons, even if it doesn't feel the same way for you. You can appreciate her good qualities (openness, friendliness, etc.) without feeling an emotional connection. 

[xixstar]

I'd go with the 'fake it until you make it' process there. I struggle to maintain strong relationships and usually I've constructed a distance between friends that only exists in my mind and others feel way closer. So, I've taken to just pretending (in my head) that we're all so close and finding the relationships are far more enriching and closer now.

[Heather in Neverland]

The title of this thread is my absolute worst nightmare.

 

I have a VERY LOUD set of in-laws and being around them gives me massive anxiety.

[nd293]

Could you take the initiative and stay in contact in ways that make you feel more comfortable - email and text messages perhaps? I don't even enjoy Skyping with my Mom, but we email every day, and I often take photos of things I'm doing - a garden project, say - and email it to her from my phone with a quick message. I'll sometime text her something funny the kids have said, or if I'm having a bad (or good!) day. If nothing else, it'll give you something to talk about when you're forced to Skype, but it might also give you the opportunity to say you prefer texting and emailing while showing that you want the relationship.

[Laurie4b]

Do you want a close relationship with her? (genuine question. Maybe you don't because she's so far away) Do you want tips on how to get closer now? How to interface with an extrovert who is overwhelming you? Not sure what you're asking.

[cottonmama]

Do you want a close relationship with her? (genuine question. Maybe you don't because she's so far away) Do you want tips on how to get closer now? How to interface with an extrovert who is overwhelming you? Not sure what you're asking.

 

I think the problem is that she wants a closer relationship than I can offer.  I'm not necessarily asking for tips, although I am open to them.  I'm happy to try to make it work -- we'll be a part of each other's lives for a long time.  But it's also hard, and this is a safe place to vent.  :)